In Love or Death
A kyrielle sonnet29 total reviews
Comment from Kayesteps
Awesome piece. Such technical proficiency yet such a compelling emotional piece. I am impressed my friend. I can learn a lot from you. Mark
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Awesome piece. Such technical proficiency yet such a compelling emotional piece. I am impressed my friend. I can learn a lot from you. Mark
Comment Written 29-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2013
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Thanks, Mark. I think you are relatively new here, so welcome to FanStory.
I seldom have trouble with rhyme or meter but getting the story right to hang on them is another matter - I usually write humour, so this is a rare attempt at something more serious. A couple of my other reviewers who know my style have told me they were waiting for the twist at the end.
I appreciate the six stars.
Steve
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Good Day to you Steve,
Sorry it took me so long to review this, but life gets in the way some times.
A bit of a walk on the dark side, and a brilliant refrain line make for fascinating, draw you in then draw a deep breath reading. Tasty rhymes, well chosen, match the rhythm's perfection. The drumbeat of your forceful word choices echoes in a compelling resonance with the tasty assonance and alliteration you created throughout. Bravo for this beautifully written, if frightening, declaration of a dark,possessive and urgent love.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Good Day to you Steve,
Sorry it took me so long to review this, but life gets in the way some times.
A bit of a walk on the dark side, and a brilliant refrain line make for fascinating, draw you in then draw a deep breath reading. Tasty rhymes, well chosen, match the rhythm's perfection. The drumbeat of your forceful word choices echoes in a compelling resonance with the tasty assonance and alliteration you created throughout. Bravo for this beautifully written, if frightening, declaration of a dark,possessive and urgent love.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thanks, Wendy - what a wonderful review - better than a lot of poems I've seen on the site recently!
I know what you mean about life getting in the way of things that you'd rather be doing - just thinking about Byron, Tennyson et al who had wealth, therefore leisure, therefore able to sit around and write poems all day if they wanted to. How many more 'greats' might there have been if only they hadn't been too busy earning a living!
Steve
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I'm still looking for that fabulously wealthy patron that is willing to support my writing habit and publish all my works. Did you get my email?
Comment from Amenian Aypotheeno
This is a great write in a style that is hard to master but you have done a fine job here! Yes it is written in the stars, perhaps it is destiny... to fight and live life with your heart's blood, on a battlefield of life you are surely the Valkyrie of legend! Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us all!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This is a great write in a style that is hard to master but you have done a fine job here! Yes it is written in the stars, perhaps it is destiny... to fight and live life with your heart's blood, on a battlefield of life you are surely the Valkyrie of legend! Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us all!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from ravenblack
holy crap! if this sonnet nabs you Jennifer lopez, than I guess i'll have to pen a few myself ( i'd probably wind up with Phyllis diller) great use of form, very elevated tone. if this is penned for the one you deem your queen, get it to her post haste!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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holy crap! if this sonnet nabs you Jennifer lopez, than I guess i'll have to pen a few myself ( i'd probably wind up with Phyllis diller) great use of form, very elevated tone. if this is penned for the one you deem your queen, get it to her post haste!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you - shall I confess I didn't even know who that was - I just chose a suitable 'queen'!
Steve
Comment from Indie Skreet
okay, this is a very beautifully written sonnet, which I enjoyed from start to finish. a love sonnet, not of that ucky yucky sickly sort, that seems to find its way on here too often. Thank you! Indie
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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okay, this is a very beautifully written sonnet, which I enjoyed from start to finish. a love sonnet, not of that ucky yucky sickly sort, that seems to find its way on here too often. Thank you! Indie
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you - don't know if this is the kind of love I'd want....
Steve
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This was a passionate piece Steve. The repetition of "In love or death, I'll make thee mine" conveys that passion to the reader and makes for great impact.
Good rhyming and flow. It captured my interest and held it through til the end. The accompanying Artwork of J-Lo was a good pick to complement your poem.
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This was a passionate piece Steve. The repetition of "In love or death, I'll make thee mine" conveys that passion to the reader and makes for great impact.
Good rhyming and flow. It captured my interest and held it through til the end. The accompanying Artwork of J-Lo was a good pick to complement your poem.
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you, Connie - shall I confess I didn't even know who that was - I just chose a suitable 'queen'!
Steve
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Hey Steve,
Then you did a really, really great job if you didn't actually have a 'special someone' in mind when you wrote this piece. It read as if it came from the heart. So very good!
Connie
Comment from Walu Feral
magandang Umaga=good morning in the Philippines. Crikey mate where did you pull that one out from. You never cease to amaze with your diversity. Well played brother. Cheers Fez.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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magandang Umaga=good morning in the Philippines. Crikey mate where did you pull that one out from. You never cease to amaze with your diversity. Well played brother. Cheers Fez.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thanks, Fez.
I haven't seen anything from your pen for a while....
Steve
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G'day Steve, aren't you getting notified when I post? I was only saying to the missus on Wednesday that you must be on hols. or something because I haven't heard from you. I have posted several since I arrived in the Philipines about my adventures here. Cheers Fez.
Comment from Cornelius2000
That's my first experience with a kyrielle sonnet, and I found it very impressive. I thought it had sort of an 18th century "feel" to it, very formal, nice vocabulary.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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That's my first experience with a kyrielle sonnet, and I found it very impressive. I thought it had sort of an 18th century "feel" to it, very formal, nice vocabulary.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you.
Yes, I went for the slightly archaic and elevated tone to suit the subject.
Steve
Comment from Rondeno
This is very good. You have chosen a refrain-line which resonates powerfully and conveys a sense of "death or glory". It makes for a compelling read.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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This is very good. You have chosen a refrain-line which resonates powerfully and conveys a sense of "death or glory". It makes for a compelling read.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thanks, Mike.
And congrats on winning the ottava rima contest - pipped me by one vote - and it was my vote!
Steve
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Oh, how galling! Sorry, mate. And thank you for the congrats.
Comment from Selina Stambi
There is such a gallant, courtly Elizabethan feel to this piece.
In love or death, I'll make thee mine - a grand, passionate, sweeping statement.
A fabulous, stately sonnet, kiwi!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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There is such a gallant, courtly Elizabethan feel to this piece.
In love or death, I'll make thee mine - a grand, passionate, sweeping statement.
A fabulous, stately sonnet, kiwi!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much for the kind words.
Steve
