Savannah Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Chapter 9, part 1"Can a fallen confederate soldier encourage love?
71 total reviews
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is another chapter of this interesting story. It has a few twists and turns but the suspense at the end is not as strong as what i have come to associate with your works. kudos
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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This is another chapter of this interesting story. It has a few twists and turns but the suspense at the end is not as strong as what i have come to associate with your works. kudos
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from AprilShower
Well Billy Joe has found a secret passage. I'm anxious to find out where it leads to. Could it be to another person's house?
This is the only thing I noticed:
She has an aunt East(east) of town.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Well Billy Joe has found a secret passage. I'm anxious to find out where it leads to. Could it be to another person's house?
This is the only thing I noticed:
She has an aunt East(east) of town.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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I will check that out. I am thinking when you mention a direction it should be capital. I will check my grammar book. Thank you.
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I will check that out. I am thinking when you mention a direction it should be capital. I will check my grammar book. Thank you.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
It's good the little dog is
protective of Paige. I just love dogs.
They love unconditionally. Dialogue
flows naturally ... and
the secret passage and staircase has
me intrigued. The tension is mounting
Margaret
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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It's good the little dog is
protective of Paige. I just love dogs.
They love unconditionally. Dialogue
flows naturally ... and
the secret passage and staircase has
me intrigued. The tension is mounting
Margaret
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where cash and billy joe look through the house and find a hidden staircase and nala has to spend the night somewhere else.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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this is very well written, barbara, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where cash and billy joe look through the house and find a hidden staircase and nala has to spend the night somewhere else.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
"That mutt understood you." Billy Joe shook his head.
(my puppy understands us. Well,only when he feels like it.
Well, dear here I am again. Glad to have caught another chapter of your book. I hope I keep catching them. I didn't see any booboos. Great job.I love secret stairs, basements, rooms, and even tunnels. They give a real mystery feel.
hugs
heidi
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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"That mutt understood you." Billy Joe shook his head.
(my puppy understands us. Well,only when he feels like it.
Well, dear here I am again. Glad to have caught another chapter of your book. I hope I keep catching them. I didn't see any booboos. Great job.I love secret stairs, basements, rooms, and even tunnels. They give a real mystery feel.
hugs
heidi
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
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you're welcome
Comment from Sirach11
your story peeks interest; and the dialogue is there. try blending the dialogue so your not always having to tell the reader its dialogue... mix it up a bit.
Paige told me this guy's Bradley Bookman." He straightened it and touched the uniform (make this 1 smooth sentence versus two writing transaction ( hope this makes sentence, if it doesnt resonate then disregard)
As Billy Joe and Cash turned to leave, Morgan barked. Cash looked down at the dog (what kind of dog, red haired, eager, old...) "You need to stay and protect the women."
you have Paige, Morgan, Cash, then Billy Joe AND Mary Pat. i know character names are personable but two syllable names are a mouth full so again change it up slapped "him" on the back; motioned towards his friend, buddy, partner in crime .....
enjoyed reading your work; keep writing.
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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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your story peeks interest; and the dialogue is there. try blending the dialogue so your not always having to tell the reader its dialogue... mix it up a bit.
Paige told me this guy's Bradley Bookman." He straightened it and touched the uniform (make this 1 smooth sentence versus two writing transaction ( hope this makes sentence, if it doesnt resonate then disregard)
As Billy Joe and Cash turned to leave, Morgan barked. Cash looked down at the dog (what kind of dog, red haired, eager, old...) "You need to stay and protect the women."
you have Paige, Morgan, Cash, then Billy Joe AND Mary Pat. i know character names are personable but two syllable names are a mouth full so again change it up slapped "him" on the back; motioned towards his friend, buddy, partner in crime .....
enjoyed reading your work; keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Welcome to FS. I like to use short sentences, but I do mix them up. The short sentences are direct and to the point. Everybody knows what kind of dog Morgan is, it's been stated numerous times in previous posts. He's a chocolate puppy about three months old. The reason I have two names, is it's typical southern naming. I do use him and her, and he and she, but according to editors, you can use them too often. I have been gigged too often, so I am much more careful. I hope this helps.
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understood, I'm not sure reading chapters midway benefits reader or writer.
that said, chapters that stand alone have a better chance of getting excerpted in magazines
and that said, i posted a piece that most said they liked only AFTER reading the description which was more than fair. live and learn
all the best in your writing.
Sincerely, L.
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I have no desire to have this published in a magazine. This is a novel that will be around 60,000 words and will published as a book. I can't describe everything in every scene or it would never end.
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Barbara its fine; i read more chapters and they were great too; you have a convincing command of dialogue; Natie jumps off the page.
i personally, not universally, still believe your dialogue can stand alone, without having to identity each line with with, told, said. when you used grimace or grin was more "active."
You write with humor and passion and are well received, continue and blessing to you
only the best
Comment from Tonulak
Hi Barbra,
The supernatural is clashing with the world now and you're writing this very effectively. The tension in your tale is ramping up well. Nice job--Ted
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Hi Barbra,
The supernatural is clashing with the world now and you're writing this very effectively. The tension in your tale is ramping up well. Nice job--Ted
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from elgone
Secret stairs, I like it. Nice to see another chapter. I didn't see any mistakes. It is good that Morgan is showing a little dog personality here, being protective of Paige. If he is a Lab, they are an intelligent breed. I read somewhere that most intelligent breeds can be trained to understand language at about the same level as a two or three year old chlld.
E
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Secret stairs, I like it. Nice to see another chapter. I didn't see any mistakes. It is good that Morgan is showing a little dog personality here, being protective of Paige. If he is a Lab, they are an intelligent breed. I read somewhere that most intelligent breeds can be trained to understand language at about the same level as a two or three year old chlld.
E
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Yes, Labs are intelligent. I have owned three in my life. I am Labless, right now, darn!!! Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
Nothing seems out of order - seemed, for tense consistency
Oh, I love secret staircases and passages :-)
Cash keeps finding clues and keeps refusing to believe they might mean the obvious, like with the uniform button. He's sure going to be might surprised if it turns out to be an honest to goodness ghost :-)
Excellent dialogue throughout. Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Nothing seems out of order - seemed, for tense consistency
Oh, I love secret staircases and passages :-)
Cash keeps finding clues and keeps refusing to believe they might mean the obvious, like with the uniform button. He's sure going to be might surprised if it turns out to be an honest to goodness ghost :-)
Excellent dialogue throughout. Brooke
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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I wondered about that. I had seemed and changed it at the lost minute. DARN!! Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Barbara,
The suspense continues to build with the note, and the knocking on Nala's door with no one there when she answers it. It is also intriguing that Billy Joe found the hidden passageway in the floor to ceiling kitchen cupboards.
The story is written well with good word imagery providing the mind's eye with plenty to see.
Curtis
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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Barbara,
The suspense continues to build with the note, and the knocking on Nala's door with no one there when she answers it. It is also intriguing that Billy Joe found the hidden passageway in the floor to ceiling kitchen cupboards.
The story is written well with good word imagery providing the mind's eye with plenty to see.
Curtis
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2013
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Thank you for the kind review.
