The Curse of 'Gator Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 13 Decisions"A young Cajun girl struggles to survive.
8 total reviews
Comment from Gladness
Well, that's a relief. Knowing about her step father situation, I wasn't sure how she would decide. You are keeping the pages turning, good work!
Anita
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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Well, that's a relief. Knowing about her step father situation, I wasn't sure how she would decide. You are keeping the pages turning, good work!
Anita
Comment Written 09-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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Thank you Anita. As a Christian myself, I just couldn't have her step that far out of my own values. She is the victim in the story.
Comment from kentuckywoman53
The storyline continues well in this chapter. Your characters and dialogue are realistic.
You should change down stairs into one word in the following sentence.....She could still hear a few of the patrons down stairs laughing and drinking
Is the next sentence intended to be a statement or a question....What man gonna want to marry me, anyway.
To me it reads like a question so if you want to make it a statement then you can always make a small change such as There's no man gonna want to marry me anyway.
I enjoyed the chapter. Continued success!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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The storyline continues well in this chapter. Your characters and dialogue are realistic.
You should change down stairs into one word in the following sentence.....She could still hear a few of the patrons down stairs laughing and drinking
Is the next sentence intended to be a statement or a question....What man gonna want to marry me, anyway.
To me it reads like a question so if you want to make it a statement then you can always make a small change such as There's no man gonna want to marry me anyway.
I enjoyed the chapter. Continued success!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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Again thank you so much for your attention to detail. I will fix. Yes, it should be a question and not a statement.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Well, I was a little surprised that Marie did not agree to become 'one of the girls'. I admire her for her strength of character, I just didn't think she really had a choice. I hope Nell gets to leave New Orleans when she has enough money saved to buy the ranch. The story flows well and leaves the reader with a good hook to maintain anticipation of the next chapter. Good job, Carolyn
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Well, I was a little surprised that Marie did not agree to become 'one of the girls'. I admire her for her strength of character, I just didn't think she really had a choice. I hope Nell gets to leave New Orleans when she has enough money saved to buy the ranch. The story flows well and leaves the reader with a good hook to maintain anticipation of the next chapter. Good job, Carolyn
Comment Written 08-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2013
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Thank you Carolyn for continuing to read and review my story. I am glad you are enjoying the story.
Comment from BethShelby
This is very good. I'm glad you put in a bit about your characters. I think you have less now that a few have been killed but as the story continues there will be more. I'm not surprised at Miss Gigi'r reaction. I think that is exactly as she would act.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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This is very good. I'm glad you put in a bit about your characters. I think you have less now that a few have been killed but as the story continues there will be more. I'm not surprised at Miss Gigi'r reaction. I think that is exactly as she would act.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2013
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Thanks Beth for your kind review. I'm glad you're enjoying my story.
Comment from Misrael
The name caught my attention and then when I read the story it just about knocked me over. My name is Marie and I had a lot of really sick rumors spread about me because I would not do that. It just about freaks me out with the name being the same as mine and all. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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The name caught my attention and then when I read the story it just about knocked me over. My name is Marie and I had a lot of really sick rumors spread about me because I would not do that. It just about freaks me out with the name being the same as mine and all. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Please don't let my story freak you out Marie. My little daughter-in-law is also named Marie and she is the sweetest thing and I love her dearly. I chose the name because it seemed like it would be a good French Catholic name. I hope you will read on and enjoy my book.
Comment from Val Crisson
I'm so glad Miss Gigi showed her true colors! Was this the first time the was made aware that Moselle and Gigi were sisters? I was a little surprised, but I've missed a few of your chapters. Fun read.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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I'm so glad Miss Gigi showed her true colors! Was this the first time the was made aware that Moselle and Gigi were sisters? I was a little surprised, but I've missed a few of your chapters. Fun read.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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No, I'm pretty sure I had mentioned it in Chapter 10. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Thank you for the review.
Comment from stockoption
You're doing a good job moving the story along, but you need to make an effort at sentence structure and variety. Too many sentences beginning with the same pronoun or name.
She knew that she was going to have to make a hard decision in the morning.
(The next morning would arrive accompanied by a difficult decision.)
Watch your syntax so the reader does not stumble over word order:
He wrote me a dear Jane letter about a month after he shipped out breaking it off.
(About a month after he shipped out I received a dear Jane letter breaking it off )
Good luck with your writing.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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You're doing a good job moving the story along, but you need to make an effort at sentence structure and variety. Too many sentences beginning with the same pronoun or name.
She knew that she was going to have to make a hard decision in the morning.
(The next morning would arrive accompanied by a difficult decision.)
Watch your syntax so the reader does not stumble over word order:
He wrote me a dear Jane letter about a month after he shipped out breaking it off.
(About a month after he shipped out I received a dear Jane letter breaking it off )
Good luck with your writing.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind review and suggestions. I will definitely take your advice to heart and try to correct the errors. I think I write the way I talk and being a Southern girl we sometimes get things back ass-ward as my daddy always said. :O)
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Glad to have helped. I'm totally southern myself ... even worse, from Texas. I had to learn real english from scratch. :-)
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I was born in Mississippi but raised in Texas since first grade. Married a Texas man so I totally relate. "Cut the whare(wire)." :o)
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Try not to be repetitive. For EX: 'SHE' is mentioned 10 times in the first 2 paragraphs. "Madam Gigi" begins 5 sentences in a short space mid story. So with that said, nix and mix so to speak in order to preserve the wonderful flow of your story. Scintillating dialogue, a touch of humor and an eye for detail are so important. Remember..reader first and then your ego...something I try to do, often without success.
Again, warm regards:
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Try not to be repetitive. For EX: 'SHE' is mentioned 10 times in the first 2 paragraphs. "Madam Gigi" begins 5 sentences in a short space mid story. So with that said, nix and mix so to speak in order to preserve the wonderful flow of your story. Scintillating dialogue, a touch of humor and an eye for detail are so important. Remember..reader first and then your ego...something I try to do, often without success.
Again, warm regards:
Comment Written 06-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Thank you Stephen for your careful reading and review of my work. I really do appreciate all the suggestions I can get. I will go back and edit.
