Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Utahu Moon"Murder Mystery
46 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
What excitement as this story progresses, Bev. Another fabulous write. I love the poetic glimmers in some of your descriptions.
Question: do you have native Indian blood in you? You seem to write from the "inside".
Excellent!
Spags:
placed them at the bottom of the sink (sounds better than in the bottom ...)
"Where've I've put that d...d phone?" (forgot the question mark)
mantled (not manteled)- mantle: cloak / mantel (the shelf abaove a fireplace)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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What excitement as this story progresses, Bev. Another fabulous write. I love the poetic glimmers in some of your descriptions.
Question: do you have native Indian blood in you? You seem to write from the "inside".
Excellent!
Spags:
placed them at the bottom of the sink (sounds better than in the bottom ...)
"Where've I've put that d...d phone?" (forgot the question mark)
mantled (not manteled)- mantle: cloak / mantel (the shelf abaove a fireplace)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thank you so very much, R4TS! I am honored by your encouragement and generosity. Changes made - thanks for caring to look closely.
I am part N.A., but not of the Sioux culture. Yet, I've had a lifelong fascination for that particular branch. There's an angle I may explore in a different novel about the belief that the Native American in the U.S. represent the lost tribe of Israel. Don't you think that's kind fascinating?
Anyway, have a great week, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
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That's fascinating - your roots!
I've been away for four weeks taking care of my mom's health. Am looking forward to writing and posting again.
I've missed FS and my virtual friends.
Hugs xxx
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And we've missed you! Hope your mother is doing well. Hugs back... Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
Interesting development about Jana's son. Looking forward to the drama and tensions that will bring to the story.
As I read about the two snakes traveling together I was reminded of a revelation I recently had. My nephew's mother-in-law loves snakes. She is an art teacher and she loves taking pictures of snakes when they are mating. So, during mating season they do travel together, sort of. LOL!!!
Excellent writing as always, my friend :) Sorry I am so late reading. I have been caught up in my own publishing events. I long for the day when I can sit back and read again. I just want to read. Oy vay.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Interesting development about Jana's son. Looking forward to the drama and tensions that will bring to the story.
As I read about the two snakes traveling together I was reminded of a revelation I recently had. My nephew's mother-in-law loves snakes. She is an art teacher and she loves taking pictures of snakes when they are mating. So, during mating season they do travel together, sort of. LOL!!!
Excellent writing as always, my friend :) Sorry I am so late reading. I have been caught up in my own publishing events. I long for the day when I can sit back and read again. I just want to read. Oy vay.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Joy, you are so generous and kind. I really appreciate you hanging in with my novel. It's impossible to express just how much that means. And you've given me another angle to approach the snake sign! Awesome.
Whose your publisher, if you don't mind my asking, Joy?
Xxx Bev
Comment from beccabootie123
I should know better then to stop and read these pieces of literature. it makes me realize that since I enjoyed it I must go back and read the rest. my list is getting long. good storyline being revealed here. held my interest from start to finish and wasn't that long. well done
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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I should know better then to stop and read these pieces of literature. it makes me realize that since I enjoyed it I must go back and read the rest. my list is getting long. good storyline being revealed here. held my interest from start to finish and wasn't that long. well done
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thanks, becca. I appreciate your generous review and insights. I do try to make the chapters approachable in length due to how busy most folks are. Thanks for noticing! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
Does the black gown have some significance? Why is Tony and his dog being tormented by this ghost? This would be a very frightening experience. I am wondering if he was being led to this murdered man's body. Well done, Bev.
April
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Does the black gown have some significance? Why is Tony and his dog being tormented by this ghost? This would be a very frightening experience. I am wondering if he was being led to this murdered man's body. Well done, Bev.
April
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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The gown is significant, yes. Thanks so much, April, for hanging in there with me on this novel. I appreciate the support. Xx Bev
You are welcome, Bev.
Hugs, April
Comment from CR Delport
Like the previous chapters, this chapter is well written. It flows nicely and moves at a steady pace. Apart from some passive voice issues, cant find much wrong. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Like the previous chapters, this chapter is well written. It flows nicely and moves at a steady pace. Apart from some passive voice issues, cant find much wrong. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thank you much, CR. I'll check for those issues. Appreciate your generosity! Bev
Comment from MelReyn
This was great, I was right there with Tony. I could feel the thick fur of his dog and hear him pant. I love it when a story takes me there. That's the whole reason I read. ;)
Hen of the woods, I've heard of those. They are expensive if you try to buy them at the farmer's market. Tony could make a pretty penny off them.
I enjoy reading about the trek through the woods. You did a great job describing it. :)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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This was great, I was right there with Tony. I could feel the thick fur of his dog and hear him pant. I love it when a story takes me there. That's the whole reason I read. ;)
Hen of the woods, I've heard of those. They are expensive if you try to buy them at the farmer's market. Tony could make a pretty penny off them.
I enjoy reading about the trek through the woods. You did a great job describing it. :)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much, MelReyn. I started out talking about morel mushrooms and realized I had the wrong season. I know you can make buco bucks off those. Thanks for the great review. I appreciate the encouragement. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from J. Dark
Hi Bev. This is another exceptional chapter and I'm sorry my six cupboard is bare (yet again)!
The only teeny tiny fault I spotted was a mispelling of "Excerpt from Chap(t)er 32", and I had to fine tooth comb to spot that!!!
This is all incredibly well written, so to save myself from repeating your whole story back to you, I am just going to point out my personal highlights:
Great opening line with the raucous exchange of crows discussing their morning plan. I really liked that imagery.
Ihoroughly enjoyable paranormal element in this chapter - it adds to it's intrigue.
I laughed as I related to the losing the mobile scenario and it made it very real for me. I do that all the time!
The double snake incident added tension and created an atmosphere of olde magic.
I appreciated the bracketed translations of tribal into English.
I am thoroughly intrigued by the coincidence of the location of the body and look forward to seeing how this will tie in.
I said this to the wonderful Avril Bortiary earlier today, and I shall say the same to you, because the same applies and you are very much in the same top league: The only fault I can find in your writing is the fact it is displayed on a cold PC screen and I want to be tucked up in bed reading it in a book!
Well done, Bev, this is outstanding writing once again.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Hi Bev. This is another exceptional chapter and I'm sorry my six cupboard is bare (yet again)!
The only teeny tiny fault I spotted was a mispelling of "Excerpt from Chap(t)er 32", and I had to fine tooth comb to spot that!!!
This is all incredibly well written, so to save myself from repeating your whole story back to you, I am just going to point out my personal highlights:
Great opening line with the raucous exchange of crows discussing their morning plan. I really liked that imagery.
Ihoroughly enjoyable paranormal element in this chapter - it adds to it's intrigue.
I laughed as I related to the losing the mobile scenario and it made it very real for me. I do that all the time!
The double snake incident added tension and created an atmosphere of olde magic.
I appreciated the bracketed translations of tribal into English.
I am thoroughly intrigued by the coincidence of the location of the body and look forward to seeing how this will tie in.
I said this to the wonderful Avril Bortiary earlier today, and I shall say the same to you, because the same applies and you are very much in the same top league: The only fault I can find in your writing is the fact it is displayed on a cold PC screen and I want to be tucked up in bed reading it in a book!
Well done, Bev, this is outstanding writing once again.
Kindest of regards,
Julie :-)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Julie, thank you so much for this awesome review. I'm honored by your generosity and encouragement! For some this chapter was a bit slow and I can understand that. But the Native way is one of timing and observance. So, I felt it needed to reflect Tony's worldview. I'm glad that it worked okay for you. Most of the major elements are in place, so I can begin to bring down the bad boy! BTW, I especially appreciate your appreciation of that opening line. Darned birds wake me up every morning with their racke LOL.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from robina1978
This chapter is a bit complicated. But the dog puts him on the right track where he finds the dead missing man, with a note attached .
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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This chapter is a bit complicated. But the dog puts him on the right track where he finds the dead missing man, with a note attached .
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Hi, Ine. Thanks so much for your generous review. I appreciate the support! Warmest regards, Bev
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Most welcome, Bev. Hugs, Ine
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Xxx :0)
Comment from MidnightWriter4U
An extremely well written and entertaining story. Scenes transition at a perfect pace with well placed wording. Fascinating artwork. The ending leaves the reader wanting more of the story--exactly as it should. Great job!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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An extremely well written and entertaining story. Scenes transition at a perfect pace with well placed wording. Fascinating artwork. The ending leaves the reader wanting more of the story--exactly as it should. Great job!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thank you so much MW4U. I really appreciate you taking time to stop and read my story. Your comments and generosity are most kind. Warmest regards, Bev
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You are very welcome, WFD! MN :)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where tony is awakened by an evil spirit and then he finds a body where billy committed suicide
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did an excellent job writing this chapter where tony is awakened by an evil spirit and then he finds a body where billy committed suicide
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thanks so much, sweet. I sure appreciate your continued interest and support for my novel. Warmest regards, Bev
