The Curse of 'Gator Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Make Up Sex"A young Cajun girl struggles to survive.
9 total reviews
Comment from Gladness
Lousy way to find out your wife has been cheating, but, then, there is no good way, is there? I like how you included details like clap and gonorrhea are the same, what the symptoms are and the onset time. All was included in a way that kept the story flowing. Good job, Anita
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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Lousy way to find out your wife has been cheating, but, then, there is no good way, is there? I like how you included details like clap and gonorrhea are the same, what the symptoms are and the onset time. All was included in a way that kept the story flowing. Good job, Anita
Comment Written 09-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2013
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Thank you Anita. I am glad you are enjoying my story.
Comment from BethShelby
It sound like Renee's wife is trying to make up for some of the things she had no business being involved with. Renee has his hands full with this lady. When you said he was sick, I thought the Voodoo was starting to get to him to but it appears to be something his wife brought about.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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It sound like Renee's wife is trying to make up for some of the things she had no business being involved with. Renee has his hands full with this lady. When you said he was sick, I thought the Voodoo was starting to get to him to but it appears to be something his wife brought about.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2013
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Yes, his wife gave him a little gift but it does tie in with the Voodoo man and her evil nature.
Comment from kentuckywoman53
Your story continues to hold my interest with each chapter you post. Your characters are realistic, the events very believable, and good dialogue.
I did see a couple of things I wanted to bring to your attention.
He loved her more than his life itself but.........did you mean to put the word his in this sentence?
I can make it. Thanks" Renee ....punctuation missing after the word thanks.
Continued success!
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Your story continues to hold my interest with each chapter you post. Your characters are realistic, the events very believable, and good dialogue.
I did see a couple of things I wanted to bring to your attention.
He loved her more than his life itself but.........did you mean to put the word his in this sentence?
I can make it. Thanks" Renee ....punctuation missing after the word thanks.
Continued success!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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I am so glad you are continuing to read and enjoy my story. OOps, I'll fix my goofs. Thanks for pointing them out. :o)
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You are very welcome. I haven't been on the site lately so I apologize in advance for being slow on reviewing.
Comment from reconciled
Hi Jo....-smile- Great story...sounds like a rough part of Louisianna...lol Why did she have scratches and bruises on her back?...anyway...just curious... pass the black label please...-smile- love you Michael
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Hi Jo....-smile- Great story...sounds like a rough part of Louisianna...lol Why did she have scratches and bruises on her back?...anyway...just curious... pass the black label please...-smile- love you Michael
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Thanks Michael for the six stars. I'm glad you liked my story. The scratches and bruises are an illusion to her sleeping with the other guy and having "rough" sex. Or sex in not the typical location of a bed. I figured I'd let the reader fill in the blank. :o0
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Uh Oh, Busted! I had a feeling that things might not be so good. You painted a great picture of a relationship that was leaning in the wrong direction. Renee's wife has too much time on her hands. I am sorry Renee felt the need to take a drink after such a long dry spell. I look forward to the next chapter when he confronts Evie with his case of the 'Clap" :-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Uh Oh, Busted! I had a feeling that things might not be so good. You painted a great picture of a relationship that was leaning in the wrong direction. Renee's wife has too much time on her hands. I am sorry Renee felt the need to take a drink after such a long dry spell. I look forward to the next chapter when he confronts Evie with his case of the 'Clap" :-) Carolyn
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Thank you Carolyn for continuing to read and review my work. I appreciate your input.
Comment from otter2000
I see from your profile notes that you are a practicing Christian, and therefore I wouldn't expect the sex scenes to more graphic, but I just didn't feel that the dialogue was real, so I can only award four stars. There's a punctuation error at: ["Okay, doc can you go ahead and treat me today."] I think it should read: "OK, doc. Can you go ahead and treat me today?"
Can I ask, do you read your work out loud to yourself? If you don't, it might be a good idea. You should spot the parts of your dialogue that don't ring true.
Please take my remarks as positive ones. That's how they are meant.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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I see from your profile notes that you are a practicing Christian, and therefore I wouldn't expect the sex scenes to more graphic, but I just didn't feel that the dialogue was real, so I can only award four stars. There's a punctuation error at: ["Okay, doc can you go ahead and treat me today."] I think it should read: "OK, doc. Can you go ahead and treat me today?"
Can I ask, do you read your work out loud to yourself? If you don't, it might be a good idea. You should spot the parts of your dialogue that don't ring true.
Please take my remarks as positive ones. That's how they are meant.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Thank you otter2000 for your generous and kind review. I will fix the punctution error. Your suggestion to read my work out loud is spot on. I usually type and read to myself in my head. ;o) However, this weekend I took my story home and read out loud to my husband and can definitely see what you mean by spotting dialogue that doen't work. I will be going back and doing a lot of editing. Thank you for your concern with my dialogue...I take it only as positive remarks.
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Hey, thanks for the recommend. I'm always picky when I review. I will never give 5 stars when I spot errors. I think that's only fair. It's always nice when criticism is taken in a positive way. Glad you took up my suggestion
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Oh the wages of lust is a needle! Been there and done that years ago. Good structure, well paced, crisp and simple dialogue with the right tone and tension. Punctuation is correct and the plot keeps one interested.
Regards:
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Oh the wages of lust is a needle! Been there and done that years ago. Good structure, well paced, crisp and simple dialogue with the right tone and tension. Punctuation is correct and the plot keeps one interested.
Regards:
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Thank you very much Stephen for reviewing my story. Yes, unfortunely lust can lead to the needle and in those days one was lucky to be able to get the needle. It had not been available for the public that long.
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of grabbing the readers attention. The writer does a good job of mingling with the emotions of the reader. This chapter is good transition as the pace is consistent. This chapter is balanced well as the writer does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. Good work.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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The writer does a good job of grabbing the readers attention. The writer does a good job of mingling with the emotions of the reader. This chapter is good transition as the pace is consistent. This chapter is balanced well as the writer does a good job of taking the reader where the reader needs to go. Good work.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Thank you Righteous Riter for your kind review. I am glad you are enjoying my story.
Comment from daleemad7
Brings many thoughts to mind. I feel a bit cheated, however, not having the rest of the book to read to find out the ending. Well written. It draws the reader in, wanting us to read quicker so as to keep up with the plot. Thank you.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Brings many thoughts to mind. I feel a bit cheated, however, not having the rest of the book to read to find out the ending. Well written. It draws the reader in, wanting us to read quicker so as to keep up with the plot. Thank you.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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Wow! thank you so much for the six stars. I am very glad you enjoyed my story. The rest of the book will be posted soon.
