Winter's Construction
Italian Sonnet9 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi MIke,
You have penned a strong and lovely sonnet. I have forgotten the rules of this form but I know you followed them to a tee. Your rhyming is musical, the flow is even, your word selection is excellent, I like the message and the theme. Well done...chey
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Hi MIke,
You have penned a strong and lovely sonnet. I have forgotten the rules of this form but I know you followed them to a tee. Your rhyming is musical, the flow is even, your word selection is excellent, I like the message and the theme. Well done...chey
Comment Written 05-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2013
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Sonnets are one of those things here that can bring them out, but the only real point that was mentioned was the iambic pentameter, in my research on wikipoetry (LOL) with the Italian Sonnet, that is considered optional. Some do and others don't and in my case, felt it best not to strictly go with it.
I love your generous rating, but would have told you not to apply it to this one as I got bludgeoned a couple of times and don't expect any other such wonderful ratings, yet it tell me you heart is totally in this review, which I thank you for as well the compliments. You told me I hit exactly what I was striving for!
Did get a kudo from Fleda Brown, one of my ISP Poetry Convention instructors as well a Poet Laureate. If she had a nit, she wouldn't have hit like on Facebook! Don't know the details, but she is undergoing chemo at this time.
I call this a hostile poem as it was once again penned at the HI Youth Hostel, in Baltimore where the poetry discussion group meets. Just a few doors down from the Latrobe House where Poe was considered to get his writing start by winning a contest with MS Found in a Bottle. For whatever reason, very difficult regimented forms, such as sonnets and sestinas really seem to come to me well there.
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You are so welcome....your poem deserved a six...chey
Comment from adewpearl
excellent use of envelope rhyming in your first 8 lines
good alliteration in creates cathedral
lovely descriptive detail
a few breaks in iambic meter
good alliteration in statuesque-saintly
a lovely look at creation with a strong spiritual component
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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excellent use of envelope rhyming in your first 8 lines
good alliteration in creates cathedral
lovely descriptive detail
a few breaks in iambic meter
good alliteration in statuesque-saintly
a lovely look at creation with a strong spiritual component
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2013
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With the Italian Sonnets, the iambic pentameter is consdiered more or less of an optian and it seems that there is more room for personalizing this form. I can't call myself learned about sonnets, but the information I use is through Wikipedia, Sonnets then under the Italian one, with an independant article.
I consider you a greater authority as well knowing what to look for in reviewing sonnets. What a review and very much appreciated as well as the compliments. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this. Mike
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hi Mike. I enjoyed reading your sonnet but I have no idea what constitutes an Italian sonnet as compared to an English sonnet. I liked your white ceiling reference.
Smiles,
Indy
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Hi Mike. I enjoyed reading your sonnet but I have no idea what constitutes an Italian sonnet as compared to an English sonnet. I liked your white ceiling reference.
Smiles,
Indy
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Just the way snowy boughs make me feel! No Imabic pentameter and much more allowing of expressiveness. But the main reason I chose it was for its structure. I like the Wikipedia article on sonnets:
"The structure of a typical Italian sonnet of this time included two parts that together formed a compact form of "argument". First, the octave (two quatrains), forms the "proposition," which describes a "problem," or "question," followed by a sestet (two tercets), which proposes a "resolution." Typically, the ninth line initiates what is called the "turn," or "volta," which signals the move from proposition to resolution. Even in sonnets that don't strictly follow the problem/resolution structure, the ninth line still often marks a "turn" by signaling a change in the tone, mood, or stance of the poem."
I enjoyed this review and thank you for it and the compliments. Strangle enough, I penned most of the writing at the HI Youth Hostle in Baltimore, before the poetry discussion group meets. It is located a few doors down from the Latrobe House where it was decided that Poe won the contest, and started his career in writing.
Mike
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Despite the forced verse, Know just how hard it is to write a sonnet after 45 years of writing poems. As a university student I once handed in 62 sonnets about Rosenkranz and Guildenstern from Hamlet and got a C+ with the note...you aren't Shakespeare. In that vein I say, try again to keep it simple, choose words that add to the flow keeping the tongue longing for more. If you capitalize the first letter of one line, do it for the rest too. A good effort, one foretelling promise.
Regards:
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Despite the forced verse, Know just how hard it is to write a sonnet after 45 years of writing poems. As a university student I once handed in 62 sonnets about Rosenkranz and Guildenstern from Hamlet and got a C+ with the note...you aren't Shakespeare. In that vein I say, try again to keep it simple, choose words that add to the flow keeping the tongue longing for more. If you capitalize the first letter of one line, do it for the rest too. A good effort, one foretelling promise.
Regards:
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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LOL That is why I chose an Italian Sonnet and not an English one! I enjoyed this review and thank you for it. Mike
Comment from Rondeno
it's a worthy attempt, but the rhythm is out in almost every line. many of the rhymes are forced. "Prance", a jolly term, is wrong here, and "holds glance" is a tortuous expression. Do you mean that YOU hold dear the saintly-statuesque images? And "doth" is - forgive me - horrible in a 21st-century poem.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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it's a worthy attempt, but the rhythm is out in almost every line. many of the rhymes are forced. "Prance", a jolly term, is wrong here, and "holds glance" is a tortuous expression. Do you mean that YOU hold dear the saintly-statuesque images? And "doth" is - forgive me - horrible in a 21st-century poem.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Sorry you feel that way. A passing glance is tortuous for you? I accept the rating, but disagree with this review. Mike
Comment from terry drake
I remember the beauty of freshly falling snow in the mountains as I was preparing to go skiing. I loved it and the imagery your poem offers for our review.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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I remember the beauty of freshly falling snow in the mountains as I was preparing to go skiing. I loved it and the imagery your poem offers for our review.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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I thank you very much for your compliments and reviews, I also love the recollection too. Mike
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
God's beauty in Nature plenty, appealing to every heart, regular or diurnal, introductory to appeal to winter construction by God and appreciation of God is nice in octave, and the sestet resolves and compares God's and man's endeavour, very well done, simple good flow of thoughts and sound images, concluding lines correlate.
ALCREATOR LITTERATEUR
04-16-43355-Reviews-4th Day Spring-Sunday, March 03, 2013-FS Ex Rank # 1 Reviewer
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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God's beauty in Nature plenty, appealing to every heart, regular or diurnal, introductory to appeal to winter construction by God and appreciation of God is nice in octave, and the sestet resolves and compares God's and man's endeavour, very well done, simple good flow of thoughts and sound images, concluding lines correlate.
ALCREATOR LITTERATEUR
04-16-43355-Reviews-4th Day Spring-Sunday, March 03, 2013-FS Ex Rank # 1 Reviewer
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Wow! I enjoyed this review and really appreciate it, as well the compliments. I sort of use Wikipedia as a guide for sonnets and that has steered me wrong in the past.
I thought about the elements of the poem I wanted to do and had a sense a sonnet would best apply. But the Italian sonnet had the best mode and form I felt was needed for the expression. I am not a sonnet person, but I feel this may be the second to be published by Poems of the World, and both were written at the HI Youth Hostel in Baltimore, before the Poetry Discussion Group meets. The place is a former aristocrats rowhome, two doors down from the Latrobe House, where the meeting made Poe the winner in the contest and sort of started his writing career. MS Found in the Bottle. Thanks for reviewing this, Mike
Comment from Jean Lutz
Beautiful imagery. Words apply to things made by hand -- and those from the Creator above. I am currently reading a great book by Malachi Martin "Windswept House" A Vatican Novel and watching current events playing out in Rome. Somehow your poem is in the mix, too.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Beautiful imagery. Words apply to things made by hand -- and those from the Creator above. I am currently reading a great book by Malachi Martin "Windswept House" A Vatican Novel and watching current events playing out in Rome. Somehow your poem is in the mix, too.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Wow! What a review to read. Believe me, prayers go out to my church, and I wanted to create a winter poem for a requested submissions, where man is within nature, not as an observer or struggling against it. I love the comparison and this was another poem mostly written at the HI Youth hostel a couple doors down from the Latrobe House where Poe got is start by winning a contest.
I thank you for your review and compliments. Mike
Comment from Apollo1989
Really good, great images, and the second half where you move to a more antiquated type of diction actually felt really nice. I do have a comment for your first two lines, the way you've written them feels like a tense error in number. It feels like you have plural articles and singluar nouns. Consider pluralizing branch to branches and cathedral to cathedrals and see if you like how that feels. Nice poem.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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Really good, great images, and the second half where you move to a more antiquated type of diction actually felt really nice. I do have a comment for your first two lines, the way you've written them feels like a tense error in number. It feels like you have plural articles and singluar nouns. Consider pluralizing branch to branches and cathedral to cathedrals and see if you like how that feels. Nice poem.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2013
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I thank you for your compliments and this review. I did take a look, but feel happier about without the change. There is a syllable count in this. Also the image I wanted to convey is of snow covering a single branch, then that image combining to create that Cathedral atmosphere. Mike
