Comment from sibhus

Excellent

wow, sorry that i missed this when you first posted. This is good, it has all the best qualities of a great story; the occult, wild animals and large breasted naked women. Naw, seriously good story that was well written and an ejoyable read.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2014

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reply by the author on 10-Jul-2014

Thank you for reading and commenting, S. So glad you liked it. I've been checking in to Fanstory about once every two weeks and was delighted to find a review. I'm in a writing/reading slump, so haven't had much activity of late, but hoping to change that soon with an effort to continue rewriting of my novel.

Christian

Comment from cephira

Excellent

This was a thrill ride, complete with comedy, action, and ass biting. Could there be anything better? Lol. Enjoyed it & now I want to read part two...since you mentioned it. :D

 Comment Written 15-May-2013

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reply by the author on 16-May-2013

Hi ceph, So glad you took the time to read and comment. A thrill ride, eh? lol KOOL! Best compliment you could give. That's what I was going for and to hear the words makes me feel like a real writer.

Thanks,
Christian

reply by cephira on 16-May-2013

A real writer??!! Crap, CP, what do you think you are? Certainly a writer in my book! Although, I have been a little pissed since you won that dang "character interview" contest. Darn you and your he/she doctor!!! ;) (See I winked, that means I was j/k...)

Comment from EmberSnowcat

Excellent

So much different from the interview story, but just as well written. I really enjoyed it. It has an unnerving sense to it, me being a woman and knowing there is a man watching these women, but I love that in the end, it was no longer the man making me nervous, but the witches who turned the tides on this man. He was hunting to make a good video and in the end he was hunted! Love it! Great job!

 Comment Written 26-Apr-2013

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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2013

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Cat, so glad you liked it. Sorry it took this long to respond, but I've been quite busy.

Yes, I think the twist in the story from the confessions of a perv to sort of a campy horror movie makes the tale a satisfying one. I'm going to write a longer version at some point, and maybe in the form of a screenplay. I just love campy witch horrors... as long as there's gratuitous nudity. lol (guess I'm not much better than my perverse hero.)

Thanks again,
Christian

Comment from ReneeD

Good

Interesting story with a good pace in it. I enjoyed the images it brought up to mind - good imagination. Excellent twist including the dogs.

It's a tad overstated the fact he's aroused by the women - it's a given. Tighten this up would sharpen the story.

Great read.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 02-Mar-2013

Interesting take, Renee. So his preoccupation with lust toward the naked women seemed overdone? I don't know. That's an excellent catch if it's a problem.

I actually concentrated on his 'reason for being there', the lust and longing he felt for naked women to allow the reader to dissasociate with him and wonder about the witches.

In other words, having him preoccupied by his lust gives the reader a chance to wonder about why these women are doing what they're doing. Are they witches with supernatural powers, or just a bunch of witch wannabees? It builds suspense, I think.

The deflection of the main character's obsession is the point. It should draw the reader in, and give the reader a feeling of contempt for the ignorance of the main character, while increasing anxiety over what he's missing, the possible significance of the ritual.

Now, after hearing why I concentrated on his perverse preoccupation, do you still think I've overdone it, or does my display of his perverse intent seem appropriate?

Please respond. I really need to know.

Thanks,

Christian

reply by ReneeD on 02-Mar-2013

Hello Christian,

Thank you for the info â?? it helped me understanding the character.

Actually the characterâ??s obsession with lust is so well done I kept on saying to myself: wanker. Nevertheless, just a tad overdone to my taste anyway. Reading it, it was obvious the girls were witches who were up to something- the details of your description were excellent - so not sure you need to deflect that much the lust of the character.

Hope that helps Christian. I find it difficult to critic others - it's a skill I'm learning! - need more info/comment - don't hesitate.

Cheers

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

I couldn't get scared but I was a little unnerved while reading this. I liked that the naked withes scared the crap out of him. I would have bit a pervert if he filmed me dancing naked as well. (But between you and me, if he saw me, he would have been running away to begin with. ) Nicely done.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2013

Thanks, GW... yes, I agree, not so much scary as slightly amusing with some action. I'm glad you liked it, and, at least, were entertained.

Have a great day,

Christian

Comment from karma5207

Good

Very good premise. Quick and easy to read. But I think there is much more you have in your head that you didn't write and that is what I would like to read. Let it flow.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2013

Hello,

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, but I have no idea what you mean. I wrote exactly what was in my head, held nothing back and crafted a complete story with a beginning, middle and ending. There's a decent plot with a compelling conflict that's resolved adequately in the end.

I'm just not sure what you're saying here.

Anyway, have a great day,

Christian

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

This was great and I think he should watch the video or at least sell it. LOL could be worth lots of money, who knows? LOl. Great details and a wonderful write.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2013

Thanks G,

Glad you liked it, and took the time to read and give me some feedback.

Christian

reply by Gungalo on 01-Mar-2013

My pleasure.

Comment from pam60

Excellent

That was a wonderful read. Very cleverly written and I can find no criticism. I am looking forward to reading Joann R Romei's sequel. I hope its as good as this one. Great work. Pam

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2013

Hi Pam,

I'm so happy you enjoyed this that much. Thanks for all the positive comments.

Christian

Comment from write hand blue

Excellent

Now this is something different, a witches coven in action seen from an outsider's perspective.

We are told that this goes on, and I'm sure it does. This makes it seem an exciting fanciful time even as you film.
Until you are chased by dogs. But there's worse than that in store for anyone who meddles with them. A whole dimension there for you to explore.

All in all a well written story in the modern style. The inference that Red is a dog adds a little to the mystic. It would be more powerful if you gave us a little more evidence.

An original write with good visual, I was hooked from the first sentence. See your PM... Mel.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2013

Hi Mel,

Thanks for the positive feedback and taking the time to read and review in the first place. So glad you enjoyed my weird little story.

Christian

Comment from beccabootie123

Excellent

long but I stuck it out, I had to, I was glued from beginning to end. formatted well and the picture was the perfect choice to give the piece focus. really enjoyed it

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 01-Mar-2013

Hi Becca,

Thanks for sticking it out and I'm glad it was worth it.

Christian