haiku (beneath the oak tree)
a seikatsu haiku57 total reviews
Comment from GWinterwin
Well this haiki poem says a lot. Few words tell a complete sentence about this little girl. Good job of telling a good story in just a few words.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Well this haiki poem says a lot. Few words tell a complete sentence about this little girl. Good job of telling a good story in just a few words.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review. Are you thinking about taking one of the Japanese culture intro classes next month? Let me know.
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Thank you so much for inquiring but I just don't have time. I still work part time and we take care of a one year old and just so much to to. But God bless you for the offer. George
Comment from Galactia
Beautiful written Haiku, There are so many varients of this form, it's hard to kep up with these Haiku. I'm asumming the regular form of haiku reflecting more on nature can not have Ing words or English versions only. I do understand that they can be written 12-17 syllables. Emotions also is allowed. Sadly, I never heard of the games of jackls before and had to google it. LOL
Great job, going to BM it for future refferences.
Regards
tia
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Beautiful written Haiku, There are so many varients of this form, it's hard to kep up with these Haiku. I'm asumming the regular form of haiku reflecting more on nature can not have Ing words or English versions only. I do understand that they can be written 12-17 syllables. Emotions also is allowed. Sadly, I never heard of the games of jackls before and had to google it. LOL
Great job, going to BM it for future refferences.
Regards
tia
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Thanks for bookmarking my poem. In English language haiku, one word ending in "-ing" is acceptable; two are pushing it and three are not acceptable. There are three non-nature categories of haiku. Emotions are frowned upon. I would strongly suggest one of my introductory courses to Japanese culture in March to learn more of the background of haiku, if at all possible.
Comment from juliaSjames
Very accomplished write of deceptive simplicity.
The image is crystal clear. It brought a smile to my heart because this is what little children delight in doing. They take what they find in nature to play games - their own special versions of games.
But there's the other aspect of the majestic oak sheltering both the human child and it's own children - the acorns.
A layered write.
I'm interested in the way you use the image of acorns. Yes, there's a pause that sets it apart from the line before to which it's grammatically connected. It's a pause like the rest in music or a comedian's pause before the punchline.
I also imagine it like the game itself - an object tossed high allowing time for the player to pick up others before it's caught.
All a matter of timing.
Thank you for sharing this exceptional write that is a beautiful illustration of a haiku free of the familiar restrictions of 5-7-5.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Very accomplished write of deceptive simplicity.
The image is crystal clear. It brought a smile to my heart because this is what little children delight in doing. They take what they find in nature to play games - their own special versions of games.
But there's the other aspect of the majestic oak sheltering both the human child and it's own children - the acorns.
A layered write.
I'm interested in the way you use the image of acorns. Yes, there's a pause that sets it apart from the line before to which it's grammatically connected. It's a pause like the rest in music or a comedian's pause before the punchline.
I also imagine it like the game itself - an object tossed high allowing time for the player to pick up others before it's caught.
All a matter of timing.
Thank you for sharing this exceptional write that is a beautiful illustration of a haiku free of the familiar restrictions of 5-7-5.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thanks, Julia. I haven't seen you in a while. Are you thinking about doing advanced work in Japanese poetry this year? Haiku and tanka will be offered in May. Thanks again for the exceptional review.
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Hello Alvin
You're welcome.
I took a break for a while. Not so much because of being busy with real-life duties but more FS fatigue syndrome.
I was very satisfied with the class I took with you. Should I win a site contest I'll be taking a serious look at registering for another one.
So, fingers crossed!
peace and blessings, julia
Comment from Creative77
Wow, such few words, but such a great poem! I can totally picture a girl sitting under a tree, playing jacks with acorns. What a creative approach! Nice job!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Wow, such few words, but such a great poem! I can totally picture a girl sitting under a tree, playing jacks with acorns. What a creative approach! Nice job!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review.
Comment from MissMerri
You are the authority on Japanese forms so I have no doubt this is an exceptional haiku. Unfortunately I don't have any six stars to give, but I can tell you how impressed I am with this well- written poem and how I consider it an example of just how to write a perfect haiku. Well-done Sir. I truly enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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You are the authority on Japanese forms so I have no doubt this is an exceptional haiku. Unfortunately I don't have any six stars to give, but I can tell you how impressed I am with this well- written poem and how I consider it an example of just how to write a perfect haiku. Well-done Sir. I truly enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thanks. I hope to see you in a class again soon. I have missed having you as a student.
Comment from Spitfire
Good to know about the -ing word. I read that rule online.
Reference to season, an action or cutter line and then the satori. Playing jacks with acorns. What a novel idea! Love it.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Good to know about the -ing word. I read that rule online.
Reference to season, an action or cutter line and then the satori. Playing jacks with acorns. What a novel idea! Love it.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a good review. Did you hear the slight break between the second and third line? Some didn't. The poem has to be read aloud very slowly.
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I don't see how anyone could miss it!
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Two people did!
Comment from honeytree
1. 5 syllables
2. 6 syllables
3.syllables Hi Alvin
I read you poem and liked it
The syllable count is not right
Honey tree
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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1. 5 syllables
2. 6 syllables
3.syllables Hi Alvin
I read you poem and liked it
The syllable count is not right
Honey tree
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Hi there! English syllabic count and haiku have nothing to do with each other. Japanese count their haiku in "on", which is a sound unit about a third as long as a syllable. 17 "on" equals about 11 to 13 English syllables. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Pili Pubul
Love the haiku style, to give an image with a minimum of words
Is very challenging ant fun. You certainly accomplished that
magnificently. Thank you.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Love the haiku style, to give an image with a minimum of words
Is very challenging ant fun. You certainly accomplished that
magnificently. Thank you.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Tonulak
Dear Alvin,
Now this was a haiku. It was painted with quick deft brushstrokes, like a fine caligrapher. It brought me to mind of the Zen concept of "small miracles", the great oak, a child, and her gifted toys in one small still life. Nicely done--Ted
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Dear Alvin,
Now this was a haiku. It was painted with quick deft brushstrokes, like a fine caligrapher. It brought me to mind of the Zen concept of "small miracles", the great oak, a child, and her gifted toys in one small still life. Nicely done--Ted
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thanks for an excellent review. Are you thinking of taking one of the courses next month?
Comment from GarthL
Thank you very much for your AN today, I learned:
1. 5-6-3 is acceptable
2. an -ing word is acceptable
3. seikatsu haiku are about work and play
I really liked the subject matter because we also have used lots of different things playing jacks, never acorns but shells, seeds, smooth river pebbles and dried berries.
Thanks for the enjoyable read and the education this morning. LiveLife'n'Love, Garth
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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Thank you very much for your AN today, I learned:
1. 5-6-3 is acceptable
2. an -ing word is acceptable
3. seikatsu haiku are about work and play
I really liked the subject matter because we also have used lots of different things playing jacks, never acorns but shells, seeds, smooth river pebbles and dried berries.
Thanks for the enjoyable read and the education this morning. LiveLife'n'Love, Garth
Comment Written 23-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2013
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You're welcome. If you would like to learn more about writing haiku, I recommend the "Japanese poetry-beginner" course I am teaching in March. Go to Classes on the above tool bar, and pick that course from the drop down menu. The syllabus and a chance to purchase the course, if you so desire, should come up. (If not, click on Course Details.) There is so much more to learn about haiku. Thanks for a great review. I am glad you learned something.
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Yes I read that in your AN, unfortunately as I told Brooke, I'm a single father with limited resources beyond providing for the growing whims and wishes of my 11 year old daughter. I believe Roosevelt said 'do what you can with what you have where you are'. That's what I'm up to for now thanks anyway.
I did however manage to invent the eleven77 form which has been taken up widely here on fs and from feedback received is a beautiful form/style for story-telling. Stay well!
To your health'n'happiness, Garth
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Yes, it's hard to be a single parent today. What's an AN?
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Author Notes
