haiku (beneath the oak tree)
a seikatsu haiku57 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Haiku seem to have so many rules and styles and no one seems to agree on what is correct. I may take your course. Will you be teaching about the different types of haiku. I have never heard of this one? Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2013
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Haiku seem to have so many rules and styles and no one seems to agree on what is correct. I may take your course. Will you be teaching about the different types of haiku. I have never heard of this one? Debbie
Comment Written 28-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2013
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Yes, there are eight categories of haiku, and we shall cover each one. There IS a scholarly consensus on what constitutes haiku, but too many self-appointed experts ignore it. If someone teaches haiku and has merit published haiku (as have I), that person can generally be trusted. If you want the "Japanese Poetry-beginner" course, I suggest you sign up soon; the course starts Tuesday. After you take the beginner course, I teach an advanced course on haiku alone in May. You do need to complete one of the beginner courses before you can do advanced work in haiku on this site this year (2013.)
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Which of the two beginning courses do you recommend to get the broadest overview of the forms. I am particularly interested in haibun which the other class lists, but with so many topics covered, I feel like maybe it won't be in-depth enough to really learn muchDebbie
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Haibun is one of the hardest courses I teach. I would recommend "Japanese poetry-beginner" (March), then "haiku" (May), then "haibun (July.)" That is the only way you will write good haibun. It's a lot of work (and money) but a sequence of building on what you have learned is the Japanese way. I shall be teaching "haibun" in July. I would love to see you take this series of courses to write good haibun, but it IS difficult and expensive.
Comment from Allezw2
Evocative.
Nicely done.
Jacks, a not-so-common activity anymore. Hand-eye coordination games are most likely videos in this modern, enlightened, age.
Once there were near forests of oaks here in LA. Now they remain in elegant isolation along a few streets gracing a center divider here or a parkway there.
After all, De Portola named Los Encinos for the oaks he saw as he passed through on his way to Monterrey.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2013
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Evocative.
Nicely done.
Jacks, a not-so-common activity anymore. Hand-eye coordination games are most likely videos in this modern, enlightened, age.
Once there were near forests of oaks here in LA. Now they remain in elegant isolation along a few streets gracing a center divider here or a parkway there.
After all, De Portola named Los Encinos for the oaks he saw as he passed through on his way to Monterrey.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a good review. Remember, I live in L A County, too.
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Indeed. And close enough to ride the various metros. Have to try for that rendezvous in Claremont again. The *&^%$ attorneys rescheduled our deposition and then reneged the last time we tried. So we missed the reading.
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YES, LET'S TRY AGAIN.
Comment from LoveLifeKnight
i did not read the notes first but i did hear the break of silence and i thoroughly enjoyed the surprise of it.....i salute your artistry
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2013
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i did not read the notes first but i did hear the break of silence and i thoroughly enjoyed the surprise of it.....i salute your artistry
Comment Written 26-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review. I am glad you heard the break.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Your seikatsu haiku brought a smile to my face. "playing jacks with acorns" is such a vivid image for the reader, and just a very nice thing to picture in your mind.
Well done!
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Your seikatsu haiku brought a smile to my face. "playing jacks with acorns" is such a vivid image for the reader, and just a very nice thing to picture in your mind.
Well done!
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
Comment Written 25-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Alvin
A wonderful kaiku ... I always feel so unequipped to reviewing your work because I didn't feel I had enough knowledge on the subject. Of course since taking your course in the Japanese Short Poetic forms, I have much greater appreciation both in writing them and in recognising one so well done.
I love the subtlety used in your poem requiring a little extra pondering on your very clever satori. I do hear the very crisp cutter and enjoyed the treat of the surprise of your use of acorns. I immediately pictured the scene you have painted and was a little startled by the satori, and instantly went to memories of myself as a little girl playing with the 'jack' bones from the leg of lamb my mother or grandmother had baked. I always remember playing them alone, under my favorite willow tree which made me feel safe and protected from prying eyes. lol
I enjoy the excellent use of the hard 'e' sound (assonance) in "beneath the tree" - this arouses the audial and the gentle echo really draws me into the poem ... kind of a pied piper effect. LOL So pleased you put in that reminder about "ing", I have often put in my reviews that it is permitted if necessary for the effect of the poem but is frowned upon, generally ..... oooops :)).
Amazing what a child's imagination can create from just about anything. I did a surprise acorn satori ages back .... I will seek it out .... many found it too subtle.
A most enjoyable haiku ... in the vein of the Japanese aesthetic and the old Masters.
Warmest Regards - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Hi Alvin
A wonderful kaiku ... I always feel so unequipped to reviewing your work because I didn't feel I had enough knowledge on the subject. Of course since taking your course in the Japanese Short Poetic forms, I have much greater appreciation both in writing them and in recognising one so well done.
I love the subtlety used in your poem requiring a little extra pondering on your very clever satori. I do hear the very crisp cutter and enjoyed the treat of the surprise of your use of acorns. I immediately pictured the scene you have painted and was a little startled by the satori, and instantly went to memories of myself as a little girl playing with the 'jack' bones from the leg of lamb my mother or grandmother had baked. I always remember playing them alone, under my favorite willow tree which made me feel safe and protected from prying eyes. lol
I enjoy the excellent use of the hard 'e' sound (assonance) in "beneath the tree" - this arouses the audial and the gentle echo really draws me into the poem ... kind of a pied piper effect. LOL So pleased you put in that reminder about "ing", I have often put in my reviews that it is permitted if necessary for the effect of the poem but is frowned upon, generally ..... oooops :)).
Amazing what a child's imagination can create from just about anything. I did a surprise acorn satori ages back .... I will seek it out .... many found it too subtle.
A most enjoyable haiku ... in the vein of the Japanese aesthetic and the old Masters.
Warmest Regards - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 25-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Thank you for this in-depth and exceptional review. I am highly honored. Are you going to do any advanced work in Japanese poetry this year (2013)? You have the prerequisite and the advanced classes are where it becomes really fun. I'd love to have you as a student again. Are you think about the seminar on the book?
Comment from Shirley B
Dear Alvin, This is a very good haiku. I feel silly telling you that. :) This haiku made me feel like I was looking at a 'picture snapshot' because the imagery was so great. I didn't need a picture. Your words were enough to paint the picture. Great job, Shirley
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Dear Alvin, This is a very good haiku. I feel silly telling you that. :) This haiku made me feel like I was looking at a 'picture snapshot' because the imagery was so great. I didn't need a picture. Your words were enough to paint the picture. Great job, Shirley
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Thanks for a great review.
Comment from ruminative scribbler
Interesting that,
'Haiku do NOT have to have 5/7/5 English syllables. "Seikatsu" haiku have to do with work and play and are not necessarily about nature'.
Must the syllables be under the 5-7-5 count though?
Interesting too about the 'cutter'. Yes, I can hear the break and note the subject change.
I shall do my best to attend your Japanese beginner course next month ~ find it all so enthralling and enjoy the challenge of expressing something in so few words.
Thank you for sharing your poem and your knowledge.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Interesting that,
'Haiku do NOT have to have 5/7/5 English syllables. "Seikatsu" haiku have to do with work and play and are not necessarily about nature'.
Must the syllables be under the 5-7-5 count though?
Interesting too about the 'cutter'. Yes, I can hear the break and note the subject change.
I shall do my best to attend your Japanese beginner course next month ~ find it all so enthralling and enjoy the challenge of expressing something in so few words.
Thank you for sharing your poem and your knowledge.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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I'll look forward to seeing your name on the class roster. If the English syllable count is over 17, we start to move into a form called "tanka", which I shall discuss in the Japanese poetry--beginner class. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Hi Alvin. The imagery of your haiku is great. I easily see a little girl being creative to replace the usual jacks with available acorns.
However, I'm a reader who had difficulty not seeing the break between the two connected lines and the satori. As you suggested in your notes, I read it out loud slowly several times but still felt the connection to the second line. I believe the use of the preposition is what connects the words. Sorry, Al, my non-Japanese Irish background can't read the subtle cutter.
Karyn
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Hi Alvin. The imagery of your haiku is great. I easily see a little girl being creative to replace the usual jacks with available acorns.
However, I'm a reader who had difficulty not seeing the break between the two connected lines and the satori. As you suggested in your notes, I read it out loud slowly several times but still felt the connection to the second line. I believe the use of the preposition is what connects the words. Sorry, Al, my non-Japanese Irish background can't read the subtle cutter.
Karyn
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Note the thematic change. It is totally unexpected, which makes one pause involuntarily. Try reading it again slowly. You certainly don't expect acorns in that third line. Don't concentrate so much on the preposition, but more on the surprise of acorns. Thanks for a great review.
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As I said in my review, I did read it slowly but it made no difference to my ears. I always expect something unexpected or ah-ha as an ending in a well-written haiku. I'm sorry but "with" kinda threw off the pause for me. I loved the imagery of the haiku.
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We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. It's been interesting who hears the pause (Sue, some newcomers) and who doesn't (you, Ray, and Brooke.)
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Well at least I'm not alone and in some great company. LOL
Comment from Soledadpaz
This is lovely, Alvin. And so very vivid I can see the girl with the acorns in her little hands. I'm glad you mention that haiku do not need to fit into a 5/7/5 format of English syllables.
Sol
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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This is lovely, Alvin. And so very vivid I can see the girl with the acorns in her little hands. I'm glad you mention that haiku do not need to fit into a 5/7/5 format of English syllables.
Sol
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2013
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Thanks for an exceptional review. I am most grateful.
Comment from Sam Manilla
I think this is a great haiku. It manages to tell a wonderful story of a little girl then it says that you play with acorns which says the girl was probably poor or imaginative.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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I think this is a great haiku. It manages to tell a wonderful story of a little girl then it says that you play with acorns which says the girl was probably poor or imaginative.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2013
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Right, I was trying to capture poverty and loneliness. Thank you for understanding that and for an exceptional review.
