The Confession
Parts of Mr. Terrebonne have been found in the bayou-22 total reviews
Comment from Craigitar
Good first page to a novel. Well written. In so small a space you've established the beginnings of several believable characters and effectively set the scene that makes a reader want to know what comes next. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Good first page to a novel. Well written. In so small a space you've established the beginnings of several believable characters and effectively set the scene that makes a reader want to know what comes next. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you Craigitar for reviewing my work and your nice comments.
Comment from kcross11
eplied(,) looking down.
years(,) never
This sounds great! I'd love to learn more about this family, and the news that her mother got. Good work, and good luck!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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eplied(,) looking down.
years(,) never
This sounds great! I'd love to learn more about this family, and the news that her mother got. Good work, and good luck!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thank you kcross for catching my commas...I seem to forget when I'm writing where those things go. :o) I'm glad you liked my work. It's the beginning of the first chapter of my novel. I'm hoping to post it on fanstory after I get a little further in to the story. I'm just now starting the second chapter.
Comment from Terror2s
You definitely piqued my interest. What is she going to find out? You did a nice job portraying the physical condition of the mother. Good luck. T2
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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You definitely piqued my interest. What is she going to find out? You did a nice job portraying the physical condition of the mother. Good luck. T2
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2013
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Thanks T2 for reviewing my work and the encouraging words. Glad I piqued your interest. I've written the first chapter and now working on the second. This is my first novel so it has a lot of flaws...I'm hoping to post it on fanstory when I get a little further along.
Comment from charlyann
Good job on this First Page writing prompt. It's a solid little story, well written...if the following pages are written as well it'll be a fine read good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Good job on this First Page writing prompt. It's a solid little story, well written...if the following pages are written as well it'll be a fine read good luck in the contest
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you charlyann for your review of my start up page for my first novel. I'm hoping to post more of it later on fanstory for help and input.
Comment from DustN727
This is a great start for a novel. At the end, I definitely wanted to know what happened next, why the sheriff was there, and the story behind the people at that old swamp house. It grabbed my attention, which is probably the purpose of the contest, which I wish you luck in. Great job!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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This is a great start for a novel. At the end, I definitely wanted to know what happened next, why the sheriff was there, and the story behind the people at that old swamp house. It grabbed my attention, which is probably the purpose of the contest, which I wish you luck in. Great job!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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I am glad the start to my novel grabbed your attention. Hopefully, soon I'll be posting more of it on fanstory for input. I've never written a novel so this is the start of an adventure in more ways than one.
Comment from Cornelius2000
This novel "start" really grabs me. I like the Sheriff already, and am sympathetic to Marty's mother. You misspelled "Sheriff" a couple of times and spelled it correctly a couple. Spell-check could have caught that for you. But more importantly, what you've written holds the promise of a good story. Nice job.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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This novel "start" really grabs me. I like the Sheriff already, and am sympathetic to Marty's mother. You misspelled "Sheriff" a couple of times and spelled it correctly a couple. Spell-check could have caught that for you. But more importantly, what you've written holds the promise of a good story. Nice job.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Oops, thank you for noticing all the mis-spelling of sheriff. :O)
It seems my fingers sometimes have a life of their own. I'm glad you liked the start of my novel. I'm still writing it. The input is great.
Comment from Donald O. Cassidy
Anonymous, your keen descriptions, setting and dialog live up to teh writing propmpt terms. I readily get the p;icture of squalor, of male chauvinism, spouse abuses and low economy.
Your suspense is good, when you have the sheriff announce bad news
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Anonymous, your keen descriptions, setting and dialog live up to teh writing propmpt terms. I readily get the p;icture of squalor, of male chauvinism, spouse abuses and low economy.
Your suspense is good, when you have the sheriff announce bad news
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks for the kind review. I'm glad you liked the beginning of my novel.
Comment from lakeport
The confession indeed a woman sheriff, looks like life was very hard living in the marshes. I enjoyed reading the story. God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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The confession indeed a woman sheriff, looks like life was very hard living in the marshes. I enjoyed reading the story. God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Lakeport, thank you for reviewing the start up of my novel. I am glad you liked it.
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your welcome.Lakeport.
Comment from country ranch writer
YOU NEED TO BEEF IT UP A BIT ON WHY THE SHERIFF MIGHT BE THERE,MAYBE SOME ONE WAS HURT DEAD LOCKED UP IN TROUBLE OR ANY THING YOU COULD IMAGINE
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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YOU NEED TO BEEF IT UP A BIT ON WHY THE SHERIFF MIGHT BE THERE,MAYBE SOME ONE WAS HURT DEAD LOCKED UP IN TROUBLE OR ANY THING YOU COULD IMAGINE
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thank you country ranch writer for reviewing the start of my novel. It is much beefer, I promise. However, the prompt for the contest limited me to 500 words or less. Very hard to do. :o) I did include in my description the reason for the visit. "Parts of Mr. Terrebonne had been found in the bayou." So, it is a case of murder.
Comment from Carrie Carson
Good job with this, you wonder from those circumstances how Sarah and family can ever overcome this.
Can't really tell who the main character is in this...not sure if that is good or bad for purposes of this contest. Good luck with that! Few tiny things:
Para: "Miss Mary(,)is your..."
Para: Mary shuffled...."Mama(,)..."
Great picture for this, too. :) Carrie
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Good job with this, you wonder from those circumstances how Sarah and family can ever overcome this.
Can't really tell who the main character is in this...not sure if that is good or bad for purposes of this contest. Good luck with that! Few tiny things:
Para: "Miss Mary(,)is your..."
Para: Mary shuffled...."Mama(,)..."
Great picture for this, too. :) Carrie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2013
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Thanks Carrie for the help with SPAG's. I always have problems with that. :o) The main character will develop as the story progresses. The contest limited 500 words...so, just a few more paragraphs and it tells.
