The Cosmic Flow
I've tried to depict the way time and space intertwine.3 total reviews
Comment from MizKat
Ricky - I think you 5-7-5 poem for the contest is great. I liked the rhyming in it. I think rhyming poems are the best!!!
  |
Ricky - I think you 5-7-5 poem for the contest is great. I liked the rhyming in it. I think rhyming poems are the best!!!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2013
Comment from joymonkey42
I like this. It shows progression, has some imagery, and a simile. The only fault I can find is that the second line is only a half rhyme and that is the worst line in a poem to half rhyme because you lose the true rhyme pattern...if that makes sense. This isn't a big deal, but aWay, and sWay are true rhymes, while Day doesn't completely agree because it doesn't have the "W" sound. It really is a good poem though and you should keep writing every day.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
 |
I like this. It shows progression, has some imagery, and a simile. The only fault I can find is that the second line is only a half rhyme and that is the worst line in a poem to half rhyme because you lose the true rhyme pattern...if that makes sense. This isn't a big deal, but aWay, and sWay are true rhymes, while Day doesn't completely agree because it doesn't have the "W" sound. It really is a good poem though and you should keep writing every day.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
-
Thanks I appreciate your time and the advise.
Comment from L. Sherman
I love the rhyming and the simile in the final line. At first, I thought it's a bit disconnected. But then I realized that time was in the form of the passing day between 'daylight' and 'midnight' (that's good consonance too, even if it's not on the same line). Sometimes I'm slow.
But this was lovely.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
|
I love the rhyming and the simile in the final line. At first, I thought it's a bit disconnected. But then I realized that time was in the form of the passing day between 'daylight' and 'midnight' (that's good consonance too, even if it's not on the same line). Sometimes I'm slow.
But this was lovely.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2013
-
Thank you so much, this is my first time on here, and honestly haiku's aren't my strong point. though i really enjoy poetry in general, and i appreciate the advise. thank you very much
