Mike And The Tree
An inchworm decides to leave his home to explore the World85 total reviews
Comment from JoLee2012
I thought this was a very cute poem with a cool message embedded....however caught a few typos:
Stanza 1: "I need something new so see" -- change so to "to"
Stanza 4: You use "board" but it should be "bored"
Also I couldn't understand the part about Mike buying a bike and having holes in his shoes since he's an inchworm...I know it's just make-believe...but I think this may be a stretch....
Regardless, I think you wrote a very creative piece that just needs a few typos to be fixed...happy writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
   |
I thought this was a very cute poem with a cool message embedded....however caught a few typos:
Stanza 1: "I need something new so see" -- change so to "to"
Stanza 4: You use "board" but it should be "bored"
Also I couldn't understand the part about Mike buying a bike and having holes in his shoes since he's an inchworm...I know it's just make-believe...but I think this may be a stretch....
Regardless, I think you wrote a very creative piece that just needs a few typos to be fixed...happy writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
-
You thought the part about the bike was a stretch but you had no problem the inchworm talking to a bee about traveling to New York and Tennessee...come on...imagination is the the key...thanks for the edit though...good eye
Comment from dancerwriter
A very long, but clever tale of an inch worm named Mike.by the way where did he get his money from? I had to laugh at this, such a change from all the misery and greed,in the world today .We all need to laugh now and then.
good effort.Lesley.j.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
|
A very long, but clever tale of an inch worm named Mike.by the way where did he get his money from? I had to laugh at this, such a change from all the misery and greed,in the world today .We all need to laugh now and then.
good effort.Lesley.j.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
-
He was a trust fund inchworm
Comment from McMurry903
Eric, this is entertaining story. I liked your fun characters and the journey Mike took which lead him back home to the brown ugly tree. Well written and nicely presented.I enjoyed much! Brian
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
|
Eric, this is entertaining story. I liked your fun characters and the journey Mike took which lead him back home to the brown ugly tree. Well written and nicely presented.I enjoyed much! Brian
Comment Written 08-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2013
-
Thanks Brian
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Very cute story poem. I think children will love it. It was progressive and easy to follow. I loved the part of 'holes in all his shoes'. I did find several words you might want to tweak a little. Bored instead of board..Country (consistently) or county, broken instead of broke, anymore instead of no more, or could walk no more. It was fun from beginning to end and held the moral to the story of it's best sometimes to appreciate what we have. Good job, Carolyn
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2012
|
Very cute story poem. I think children will love it. It was progressive and easy to follow. I loved the part of 'holes in all his shoes'. I did find several words you might want to tweak a little. Bored instead of board..Country (consistently) or county, broken instead of broke, anymore instead of no more, or could walk no more. It was fun from beginning to end and held the moral to the story of it's best sometimes to appreciate what we have. Good job, Carolyn
Comment Written 28-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2012
-
Good eye ..thanks
Comment from JennyB32
Such a nice poem and message being relayed within. Just two things that I noticed. 1) In the line, "I'm board and lonely, you see."; I think "board" should be "bored". Also a few lines down from there, "The county is no place for you", perhaps "county" should be "country"?
Great work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2012
|
Such a nice poem and message being relayed within. Just two things that I noticed. 1) In the line, "I'm board and lonely, you see."; I think "board" should be "bored". Also a few lines down from there, "The county is no place for you", perhaps "county" should be "country"?
Great work!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2012
-
Good eye thanks Jenny
