Mike And The Tree
An inchworm decides to leave his home to explore the World85 total reviews
Comment from Cedar
This is a fun poem to read. I'm sure that young children would enjoy it even more. Your rhyming and presentation are both perfect. Great job. Bill
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This is a fun poem to read. I'm sure that young children would enjoy it even more. Your rhyming and presentation are both perfect. Great job. Bill
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from Dacker
It is very nice. Would make a great children's book. The text lead to images of Mike's travels. Very well done hope you pursue publishing it. Dan
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It is very nice. Would make a great children's book. The text lead to images of Mike's travels. Very well done hope you pursue publishing it. Dan
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from jadapenn
Aw, I really enjoyed this poem, Eric. You developed Mike so well and built up the tension and inner conflict as he inched his way around the country. But as always, home is best and we should take a lesson from Mike. The world out there looks rosy but every one has some sad luck story. Loved the con-man cat. lol. luv jada
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Aw, I really enjoyed this poem, Eric. You developed Mike so well and built up the tension and inner conflict as he inched his way around the country. But as always, home is best and we should take a lesson from Mike. The world out there looks rosy but every one has some sad luck story. Loved the con-man cat. lol. luv jada
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from Auroraboreal800
I really enjoyed this fantastic poem-story tell. I think this is entertaining not just for children, but for adult people as well. Your characters are so funny and so is the journey Mike took which lead him back home to the brown ugly tree.
BEAUTIFUL JOB Eric! Congratulations!
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I really enjoyed this fantastic poem-story tell. I think this is entertaining not just for children, but for adult people as well. Your characters are so funny and so is the journey Mike took which lead him back home to the brown ugly tree.
BEAUTIFUL JOB Eric! Congratulations!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I like your whimsical poem
about the worm and his longing
to see more of the world but was
pleased to come home to his tree
a fun read - most enjoyable.
Margaret
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I like your whimsical poem
about the worm and his longing
to see more of the world but was
pleased to come home to his tree
a fun read - most enjoyable.
Margaret
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from Sanku
Oh! it is a very very cute poem absolutely delightful .ne can sing this to children.good moral -grass is greener....or the message could be home sweet home.the system says I have run out of my quota of 6 stars -thanks for sharing.i enjoyed reading it.
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Oh! it is a very very cute poem absolutely delightful .ne can sing this to children.good moral -grass is greener....or the message could be home sweet home.the system says I have run out of my quota of 6 stars -thanks for sharing.i enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from smudge
I like it a very good Children's story. It has good rhythm and rhyme. Just the kind of thing children like read to them. Nice artwork.
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I like it a very good Children's story. It has good rhythm and rhyme. Just the kind of thing children like read to them. Nice artwork.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Good one for the children, it is a nice craft that will thrill the children as it is clearly done in a storylike form. Simple enough vocabulary for the intended audience.
ola thomas
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Good one for the children, it is a nice craft that will thrill the children as it is clearly done in a storylike form. Simple enough vocabulary for the intended audience.
ola thomas
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from w0manp0et
Hi Eric,
I thought this was cute when I first saw it, but I also thought it was rough. You've done some editing, and this snappy little rhyme is smoother now. Kudos to you for imagination. Reading this was fun.
I will make a suggestion or two--this is one opinion, and it's your poem--so take or shake.
Line 3 1st stanza, consider ... Oh, how he loved to laugh and sing
I think bestest would be great. Yes, it's not a word you'll find in a dictionary, but it's something children often say, and this poem would be great for a book of children's poetry.
Line 5 -- I see 'tired', I hear 'bored'
footloose, one word
I don't think a friend would be glad to see Willie leaving. How about ... We'll miss you but you're finally leaving
Mike said, "I left my home in a tree.
It must be so grand to live here.
I'm bored and lonely, you see."
The mouse, said to Mike with a tear.
Problem with quotation marks and capitalization there.
Mike said, "I left my home in a tree;
it must be so grand to live here!"
"I'm bored and lonely, you see,"
the mouse said to Mike with a tear.
I love the next stanza. Fantastic!
Mike said,[space here]"yes, I'm getting tired
Capitalize 'yes.'
The bike, it had broken in two.
The bike--CRACK!--it broke in two.
Until he couldn't inch anymore.
Until he couldn't inch one inch more.
This poem stands out, Eric. It's in a class by itself. I think it's still a bit rough, but you're nearly there.
Thanks for sharing!
Write on,
WP
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Hi Eric,
I thought this was cute when I first saw it, but I also thought it was rough. You've done some editing, and this snappy little rhyme is smoother now. Kudos to you for imagination. Reading this was fun.
I will make a suggestion or two--this is one opinion, and it's your poem--so take or shake.
Line 3 1st stanza, consider ... Oh, how he loved to laugh and sing
I think bestest would be great. Yes, it's not a word you'll find in a dictionary, but it's something children often say, and this poem would be great for a book of children's poetry.
Line 5 -- I see 'tired', I hear 'bored'
footloose, one word
I don't think a friend would be glad to see Willie leaving. How about ... We'll miss you but you're finally leaving
Mike said, "I left my home in a tree.
It must be so grand to live here.
I'm bored and lonely, you see."
The mouse, said to Mike with a tear.
Problem with quotation marks and capitalization there.
Mike said, "I left my home in a tree;
it must be so grand to live here!"
"I'm bored and lonely, you see,"
the mouse said to Mike with a tear.
I love the next stanza. Fantastic!
Mike said,[space here]"yes, I'm getting tired
Capitalize 'yes.'
The bike, it had broken in two.
The bike--CRACK!--it broke in two.
Until he couldn't inch anymore.
Until he couldn't inch one inch more.
This poem stands out, Eric. It's in a class by itself. I think it's still a bit rough, but you're nearly there.
Thanks for sharing!
Write on,
WP
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi DaGoose, a cleaver kiddies story to keep there imagination alive, has all the ingredients for a lot of fun. Well written. Kindest wishes James
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Hi DaGoose, a cleaver kiddies story to keep there imagination alive, has all the ingredients for a lot of fun. Well written. Kindest wishes James
Comment Written 10-Jan-2013
