Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Inaji Moon, Part Two"Murder Mystery
42 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
Hey there,
I'm so sorry I missed this. The last month has been insane!
I was offered a position as an editor, and spent the last month editing a crazy novel about aliens...hahaha. However, it certainly makes me appreciate your writing even more. As usual this was outstanding. There is something that has always fascinated me about Native American culture and beliefs, so this was a special treat with Agne's visions and the language. Superb! :)
The two men had an unlikely friendship given the fact Tony's own nephew was one of the young men abused by the pastor's predecessor. ===that is odd..
Indian time was a mystery to the white man. ===haha..in Central Oregon, we teachers have to take a cultural class on this and discuss the issues of Native american children being late for school because of Indian time...
The rocking chair creaked a steady cadence.===love the steady cadence..
A quilt lay coiled on the couch,===hmmmm..just a thought..do quilts coil? I think usually if something coils, it is in a circular shape?
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2013
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Hey there,
I'm so sorry I missed this. The last month has been insane!
I was offered a position as an editor, and spent the last month editing a crazy novel about aliens...hahaha. However, it certainly makes me appreciate your writing even more. As usual this was outstanding. There is something that has always fascinated me about Native American culture and beliefs, so this was a special treat with Agne's visions and the language. Superb! :)
The two men had an unlikely friendship given the fact Tony's own nephew was one of the young men abused by the pastor's predecessor. ===that is odd..
Indian time was a mystery to the white man. ===haha..in Central Oregon, we teachers have to take a cultural class on this and discuss the issues of Native american children being late for school because of Indian time...
The rocking chair creaked a steady cadence.===love the steady cadence..
A quilt lay coiled on the couch,===hmmmm..just a thought..do quilts coil? I think usually if something coils, it is in a circular shape?
Comment Written 02-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2013
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Hi, jj. Wow, an editor! I'm so impressed. Makes me take special notice to your suggestions at the very least. For instance, it would never have occured to me that a rectangular object would not likely coil! I'll bet you're a fantastic editor. So, thanks for the suggestions and for the fantastic review. I am so pleased that you enjoyed the section between Tony and Agnes. I love the two characters, so I'd hope it would show.
When can we expect another chapter from you? I'm anxious to read more of your really great story!
Thanks, as always, for your generosity and awesome support, jj.
Happy New Year!
Xxx Bev
Comment from davidzee
This was fun to read and there are many passages that give an intimate sense of the Sioux culture and how it contrasts to the "white man." I particularly liked the time spent to take us thru the exchange between brother and sister.
A few little tweaks to consider: might make it clear that Jim Duffy is the legal representative (put it in the same sentence...his appearance in the next paragraph made me wonder for a second who he is). I also re-read the part about the door being kicked in by the detectives...this seems like a critical point. However, just before that we learned that the Emergency Response team had been there and rearranged the furniture to make it easier for them to help the victim. Why did the detectives need to kick in the door if the EMS had been there before them to help Stanley? (forgive me if I misunderstood this...just trying to help)
Gotta get this book!
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2012
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This was fun to read and there are many passages that give an intimate sense of the Sioux culture and how it contrasts to the "white man." I particularly liked the time spent to take us thru the exchange between brother and sister.
A few little tweaks to consider: might make it clear that Jim Duffy is the legal representative (put it in the same sentence...his appearance in the next paragraph made me wonder for a second who he is). I also re-read the part about the door being kicked in by the detectives...this seems like a critical point. However, just before that we learned that the Emergency Response team had been there and rearranged the furniture to make it easier for them to help the victim. Why did the detectives need to kick in the door if the EMS had been there before them to help Stanley? (forgive me if I misunderstood this...just trying to help)
Gotta get this book!
Comment Written 24-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2012
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Thanks so much taking time to read, david. I appreciate your insights and suggestions. The chapter where the events take place that you found confusing are part of a previous chapter. In that post, the Detectives' thought Stanley was in danger, so kicked in the door and then called the EMS team when they discovered him on the floor. Without the use of redundant backstory, I am hoping the reader will have read the previous chapters for clarity. The same with the question you had regarding Jim Duffy. Still, I'll see if I can make it a little clearer for new readers like yourself. Thanks again!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Great write and I appreciate the translations. I worked on the Mesquaki Indian Reservation in Iowa for a while., and they do mix the languages together. I also became acquainted with Indian time. Happy Holidays`Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Great write and I appreciate the translations. I worked on the Mesquaki Indian Reservation in Iowa for a while., and they do mix the languages together. I also became acquainted with Indian time. Happy Holidays`Debbie
Comment Written 23-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Happy Holidays, Debbie. I really appreciate your generous review and kind support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from lakeport
Along the Jericho road indeed there is a lot going on, suspense and mystery, I enjoyed reading the story, God bless you.Hugs!lakeport.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Along the Jericho road indeed there is a lot going on, suspense and mystery, I enjoyed reading the story, God bless you.Hugs!lakeport.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Thanks for taking time to read, Lakeport. I appreciate it! :0) Bev
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Your welcome Bev, Hugs!lakeport.
Comment from barkingdog
This is really getting good.I love the first part, explaining the rape and then suicide of the young boy.Your use of the Indian culture and vocabulary bring a fine sense of realism. I felt like I was there with them. I could visualize her.
Now, someone else is missing. You are weaving this beautifully.
Merry Christmas, Bev.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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This is really getting good.I love the first part, explaining the rape and then suicide of the young boy.Your use of the Indian culture and vocabulary bring a fine sense of realism. I felt like I was there with them. I could visualize her.
Now, someone else is missing. You are weaving this beautifully.
Merry Christmas, Bev.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Ellen, thanks so much for all the support you've given me throughout this past year. Thanks to you, I've become a little better writer. And I really appreciate you sticking with this novel. Blessings, my friend, and heartfelt thanks for your generosity. Christmas Blessings, Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
I liked the translations within the chapter.
A sleek red squirrel approached his walking stick
(how about nibbled at his walking stick?)
The two men had an unlikely friendship given the fact Tony's own nephew was one of the young men abused by the pastor's predecessor. But Father Brian's genuine desire to find a common ground among all faiths led Tony to open the door to a world that many Native Americans his age deeply mistrusted. (Great look at the dynamics between the two cultures)
moved to consideration of the effect (how about moved to consider the effect)
(I may have missed it earlier but I find myself wondering in this chapter about the nephews age.)
She was dressed in a hand-woven traditional skirt and blouse. A thick vest was cinched at the waist with a belt set off by a fist-sized pure silver buckle, and she wore a headband which served the dual purpose of restraining her long hair and keeping her ears warm.
(wonderful detail I can see her)
Indian time was a mystery to the white man. But for his people, it was an acknowledgement that some things should never be forced. He trusted Agnes would tell him the real reason for her visit when the time was right.
(wonderful insight into differing ways.)
System won't allow me to give a six.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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I liked the translations within the chapter.
A sleek red squirrel approached his walking stick
(how about nibbled at his walking stick?)
The two men had an unlikely friendship given the fact Tony's own nephew was one of the young men abused by the pastor's predecessor. But Father Brian's genuine desire to find a common ground among all faiths led Tony to open the door to a world that many Native Americans his age deeply mistrusted. (Great look at the dynamics between the two cultures)
moved to consideration of the effect (how about moved to consider the effect)
(I may have missed it earlier but I find myself wondering in this chapter about the nephews age.)
She was dressed in a hand-woven traditional skirt and blouse. A thick vest was cinched at the waist with a belt set off by a fist-sized pure silver buckle, and she wore a headband which served the dual purpose of restraining her long hair and keeping her ears warm.
(wonderful detail I can see her)
Indian time was a mystery to the white man. But for his people, it was an acknowledgement that some things should never be forced. He trusted Agnes would tell him the real reason for her visit when the time was right.
(wonderful insight into differing ways.)
System won't allow me to give a six.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Hi, Dallas. Thanks so much for the great suggestions and wonderful review. I've changed those two areas, so thanks.
I really appreciate you sticking with the story and for the depth of your interest and support. That means more than any amount of stars. Christmas Blessings, Bev
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You're welcome. Same to you.
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:0)
Comment from Eric Corsten
What a great imagination you must have...and vivid, to conjure up these images..Great Great writing
.When it realized that attached to the stick was a very large creature, it bounded off to the safety of a nearby maple tree. Tony watched the squirrel, a flash of red on gray, race up the tree with surety and grace, marveling at Great Spirit's free gifts.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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What a great imagination you must have...and vivid, to conjure up these images..Great Great writing
.When it realized that attached to the stick was a very large creature, it bounded off to the safety of a nearby maple tree. Tony watched the squirrel, a flash of red on gray, race up the tree with surety and grace, marveling at Great Spirit's free gifts.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2012
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Eric, thank you so very much for this early Christmas present! I so appreciate both your generosity and support. Christmas Blessings, Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
Wonderful chapter full of tension and intrique. I really liked the picture you painted of Tony's sister and the bond they have. Great job.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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Wonderful chapter full of tension and intrique. I really liked the picture you painted of Tony's sister and the bond they have. Great job.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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Hi, Okiegal. Thanks so much for your encouraging and so-generous review. I really appreciate you sticking with my novel, and all the kind insights you've shared. Happy Holidays, Bev
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Wow this is an quietly intense chapter. I found nothing technically to tweak or adjust. In fact I'm going to bookmark this story so that I can start at the beginning. You have built the intrigue (as a talented writer should). I need to know about the murder, the Indian culture, and what's going on at the church. Thanks for my new addiction.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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Wow this is an quietly intense chapter. I found nothing technically to tweak or adjust. In fact I'm going to bookmark this story so that I can start at the beginning. You have built the intrigue (as a talented writer should). I need to know about the murder, the Indian culture, and what's going on at the church. Thanks for my new addiction.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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Hi Naughtie-Scribe. Thank you so much for your interst and generous review of my chapter. I really appreciate the support and your very kind insights. Happy Holidays, Bev
Comment from Slythytove2
I'm put in mind of Tony Hillerman by way of reference, but you have a unique and gentle touch which leaves this reader wanting more. I always get a little tensed up when I get a book to review. Usually they're filled with vampires and evil forces etc etc. This was a pleasure to read. At first I felt you were overdoing the native language followed by the English translations, but after a while I began to like it more and more. It was part of that gentleness I was mentioning.I'm going to try to become a fan so I don't miss any more.I'm not very adroite with computers.
Merry Christmas!
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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I'm put in mind of Tony Hillerman by way of reference, but you have a unique and gentle touch which leaves this reader wanting more. I always get a little tensed up when I get a book to review. Usually they're filled with vampires and evil forces etc etc. This was a pleasure to read. At first I felt you were overdoing the native language followed by the English translations, but after a while I began to like it more and more. It was part of that gentleness I was mentioning.I'm going to try to become a fan so I don't miss any more.I'm not very adroite with computers.
Merry Christmas!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2012
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Thank you very much for this wonderful review, Slythytove. I am so happy at your noting the gentleness of the dialogue between Tony and Agnes. And I have been a long time fan of Tony Hillerman's portrayal of the Navajo peoples. I risked turning off readers by the use of the language translations, so I really appreciate you hanging in there. Warm Holiday Wishes, Bev
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I think if they read it like I did sooner or later they're going to come to the same realization that it enriches rather than detracts. Of course you could do like Wordsworth(I think) did and write it directly into the work itself"... by the shineing deep sea waters, stood the wigwam of Necomis, daughter of the moon, Necomis..."
Nahh- not your style.
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I so enjoyed reading your thoughts! You're right - not a Wordswoth type (hehehehe). Thanks for putting a smile on my face, SlyT. :0) Bev
