Performance Problems- My Life! LOL
Viewing comments for Chapter 88 "God The Politics! Part 1"A halarious adventure with misery, but always joy!
6 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
Is that all there is? One works himself/herself to a stupified condition then finds they owe more than they make. Walks around a house filled with the latest technology none of which works. It looks like typists are in hot demand to type the pages and pages of a health care plan that no one understands.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
  |
Is that all there is? One works himself/herself to a stupified condition then finds they owe more than they make. Walks around a house filled with the latest technology none of which works. It looks like typists are in hot demand to type the pages and pages of a health care plan that no one understands.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
-
LOL! I am very surprised this chapter got the good reveiws it has gotten. The frustration with having to split up my chapters is that this part is not only a bridging part, but a nuts and bolt one as well. I wasn't comfortable with writing the business up the way I had to, but it held so many considerations for the reader, I felt it that important.
I love the humor in this display and the FanStory writers are far superior then those that write up the health care plans. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review. MIke
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi MIke,
You cover a lot of situations in this chapter. Too long for my tastes but I couldn't stop reading it until the end. Don't know what to think about a possible ghost as the events sure seem like something is afoot and I would be scared to death to work nights. It's a crime that you work so hard and don't make enough money to buy a car or do the things you want to do. This is well written, with good verbiage and content. Well done....chey
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
|
Hi MIke,
You cover a lot of situations in this chapter. Too long for my tastes but I couldn't stop reading it until the end. Don't know what to think about a possible ghost as the events sure seem like something is afoot and I would be scared to death to work nights. It's a crime that you work so hard and don't make enough money to buy a car or do the things you want to do. This is well written, with good verbiage and content. Well done....chey
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
-
Well, I could by a car if I needed one, but with work right down the street, just can't justify it at this time. This chapter took weekends and I finished it after spending 18 hours on the computer yesterday and believe me, I try not to put one more in these beasts that aren't necessary.
I am very happy with the reviews I got on this one, because it is a double demon to me, a bridging chapter as well as a nuts and bolts one. I really didn't want to put the ghostly happenings in this one, but I think that provides the entertainment that would be lacking otherwise. Most happenings don't even bother me anymore, but the sensation of a hand going though me, I'm out!
I love this review and thank you for it and the wonderful compliments. Part 2 is a trip and part 3 is off the charts! The ending is divine!
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Good work of memory. Thoughts well articulated, places and events perfectly recounted. Good details enough to stick a reader to the page till end of read. Good work, nice post.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
|
Good work of memory. Thoughts well articulated, places and events perfectly recounted. Good details enough to stick a reader to the page till end of read. Good work, nice post.
ola thomas
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
-
I thank you very much for your compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from santapola
Hello there. I realise the story in brackets is (My Life) and problems but may I make a suggestion. There were quite a lot of (I)s in this particular piece. In fact when on noticing them it just made me want to count them instead of concentrate on the read. At a brief count in the first 19 short paragraphs there was at least 16 sentence starting with I and it detracted from a good read.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
|
Hello there. I realise the story in brackets is (My Life) and problems but may I make a suggestion. There were quite a lot of (I)s in this particular piece. In fact when on noticing them it just made me want to count them instead of concentrate on the read. At a brief count in the first 19 short paragraphs there was at least 16 sentence starting with I and it detracted from a good read.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
-
I appreciate this review and thank you for it. I did go back and tried to get as many I's out of it I could and it would be a lot easier if I wrote it in the third person sense, but in this chapter, it is about what I experienced and thought about. Could of used, Me," but then that would upset the irish. I thank you for the compliments and this review. Mike
Comment from LucidDreem
' it wasn't just as much difficult,'
---you can strike the 'much'
A lot of your dialogue ends with exclamation marks, which cheapens the dialogue itself if used too much. Only use the tempting ! when absolutely necessary.
You start the story in a sort of timeless limbo. It takes a while to actually reach a solid point in time. It's best to find a point in the story's chronology to start, and include something to suck the read in, known as a 'hook.' A lot of the exposition in the beginning feels like info for info's sake. I suggest starting off in a scene and including things (an event, a person, an action, etc.) that remind the narrator of what happens in the backstory, and relate it that way. That way it doesn't feel like the author is spoon feeding us this information.
Hope this helps.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
 |
' it wasn't just as much difficult,'
---you can strike the 'much'
A lot of your dialogue ends with exclamation marks, which cheapens the dialogue itself if used too much. Only use the tempting ! when absolutely necessary.
You start the story in a sort of timeless limbo. It takes a while to actually reach a solid point in time. It's best to find a point in the story's chronology to start, and include something to suck the read in, known as a 'hook.' A lot of the exposition in the beginning feels like info for info's sake. I suggest starting off in a scene and including things (an event, a person, an action, etc.) that remind the narrator of what happens in the backstory, and relate it that way. That way it doesn't feel like the author is spoon feeding us this information.
Hope this helps.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2012
-
All reviews help in one way or another. I do see what you are saying, but with a work of this scope, there is that chapter before so it isn't always easy or appropriate to start with a story to explain everything to a reader. I do respect the criticism and will make that change. I thank you for your review, Mike
Comment from Nicolem2
Great choice of vocabulary, and e very well written non fiction entry You are a very advanced and accomplished write don't ever stop writing pursue it. Try to really find a hook that draws in your reader. Great story about owls and its difficulties and imperfections
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
|
Great choice of vocabulary, and e very well written non fiction entry You are a very advanced and accomplished write don't ever stop writing pursue it. Try to really find a hook that draws in your reader. Great story about owls and its difficulties and imperfections
Comment Written 22-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2012
-
I thank you for your compliments and this review. Mike
