Ashes To Ashes
A Lento71 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
A less gentle Cinderella story. More satisfying for the justice meted out to the stepsisters for their cruelty. Well done. :) nancy
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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A less gentle Cinderella story. More satisfying for the justice meted out to the stepsisters for their cruelty. Well done. :) nancy
Comment Written 09-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Thank you Nancy, I did take a bit of a walk on the Dark Side, didn't I? Actually, I was raised on the Grimm version of the eye- pecking revenge . I also read the Dance Till You Drop Version that was a French knock-off. There was another that involved poison, but I can't remember the local. It seemed a fun tale to try with the Lento. I'm glad you enjoyed it.--Wendy
Comment from expressions9
Your poem is written very well and has good flow and rhyme. You cleverly use rhyming syllables at the beginning of each line in each stanza
"Haunted, vaunted, taunted".. etc
"Scrubs, rubs, grubs, words"
Cleverly weaved!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Your poem is written very well and has good flow and rhyme. You cleverly use rhyming syllables at the beginning of each line in each stanza
"Haunted, vaunted, taunted".. etc
"Scrubs, rubs, grubs, words"
Cleverly weaved!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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The Lento format is a bit of a challenge, but there are so many delicious words out there it becomes a lot like a puzzle to find them and fit them in at both ends. I appreciate your comment about the rhythm and rhyme as that is important to me. I'm glad that you enjoyed the piece. Thank you for taking the time to read and review it.--Wendy
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You're welcome Wendy :)
Comment from DMCranfield
Excellent poem!
No, not the Disney version... while I am a huge Disney fan, I have finally learned that not everything has to be colored through Walt-tinted glasses.
Great job, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Excellent poem!
No, not the Disney version... while I am a huge Disney fan, I have finally learned that not everything has to be colored through Walt-tinted glasses.
Great job, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Thank you for taking off your Disney-tints to read and review my work. I appreciate your spending the time and also the lovely stars--Wendy.
Comment from Eric Corsten
Wow really good stuff the way you rhyme...talented..Haunted by her fathers death.
Vaunted child, to servant's role.
Taunted with their every breath.
Flaunted wealth, her home they stole.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Wow really good stuff the way you rhyme...talented..Haunted by her fathers death.
Vaunted child, to servant's role.
Taunted with their every breath.
Flaunted wealth, her home they stole.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Hello Eric and welcome to FanStory. I appreciate the time you took from your own work to read and review mine. I am an unrepentant rhymer and if I review you, you will find that I am a bit of a stick in the mud about rhythm too. I took a glance at your portfolio list and it seems we have children's poetry in common, although much of what I have written is not in there yet. Again, welcome and I appreciate that sixth star.--Wendy
Comment from fictionwriter
I can't feel bad for the stepsisters or the stepmother. Cinderella was mishandled. I loved this darker verstion of the story. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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I can't feel bad for the stepsisters or the stepmother. Cinderella was mishandled. I loved this darker verstion of the story. Well done.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Hi fictionwriter. Actually, the deep dark versions came first, Disney just Disneyed it up and added forgiveness. . .made that sequel with the sisters didn't he? Thank you for the read and the review.
Comment from ELumpkins
Great..This certanly is different. No mater which version you like best this version is great here. I think the poem is perfectly structured and the rhyming could not be more on. So no matter Cinderella's fate, you have written a very nice piece here. I can't recommend any changes that would better this work.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Great..This certanly is different. No mater which version you like best this version is great here. I think the poem is perfectly structured and the rhyming could not be more on. So no matter Cinderella's fate, you have written a very nice piece here. I can't recommend any changes that would better this work.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Well, ELumpkins, I certainly appreciate your taking the time to read and review my work. I particularly focused on your comments about the rhythm and rhyme as that is important to me. I did take bit of a pot pourri approach to this one and borrowed from four different versions, including Disney, so I hope there are no purists out there, having a hissy fit right now. Thank you for the stars too.
Comment from J. Dark
What a gorgeous poem. Brilliant concept to put cinderella into a poem and your word choices, rhyme and flow are flawless. I so wish I had a six star rating left as this is truly outstanding. In this case, it is not the prince but the writer who is charming. A huge well done for this memorable work.
Kindest of regards
Mrs D :-)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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What a gorgeous poem. Brilliant concept to put cinderella into a poem and your word choices, rhyme and flow are flawless. I so wish I had a six star rating left as this is truly outstanding. In this case, it is not the prince but the writer who is charming. A huge well done for this memorable work.
Kindest of regards
Mrs D :-)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Thank you Mrs. D for the read and generous review. I have always loved all of the versions of the tale and co-mingled a bit. I do love to take old tales and try to shove them into verse. A bit of a walk on the Dark Side after my Night of Nights don't you think? It is the first time I tried a Lento though and I may wait a bit to try another--at least until my hair grows back in.--Wendy
Comment from Cloe Z
This is a very realistic version of the old fairy tale! I always wondered what Cinderella did every day. :) I am also familiar with the original Grimm's fairy tail where the sisters dance to their death.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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This is a very realistic version of the old fairy tale! I always wondered what Cinderella did every day. :) I am also familiar with the original Grimm's fairy tail where the sisters dance to their death.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Thank you, Cloe, for taking the time to read and review my work. It is a fascinating form and I had fun poking and prodding poor Cinderella into it. Hope I haven made her angry. There is also another version, Nordic I think, where she poisons them. Dear Disney's is the only forgiving Cinderella. Just my little adventure in the Dark Side ;-)--Wendy
Comment from Jaq Cee
Really enjoyed this format. Loved the subject matter too. Cinders really does have an edge to her. :) Great and easy read, because it flowed so well. Rhythm and rhyming immaculate. :) Jaq x
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Really enjoyed this format. Loved the subject matter too. Cinders really does have an edge to her. :) Great and easy read, because it flowed so well. Rhythm and rhyming immaculate. :) Jaq x
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Thanks for taking the time to read and review it. It is an interesting format and I may try it again if my hair ever grows back in. I appreciate your noting the rhyme and rhythm as it is of great importance to me--Wendy
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You're welcome. x
Comment from Eliza M
A beautifully composed piece dipicting a unique take and twist, on the traditional Cinderella story. The poem flows rhythically and unhindered through well stuctured lines. Rhymes sit well and ther are some effective touches of alliteration and assonance, especially in the 3rd stanza.
An enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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A beautifully composed piece dipicting a unique take and twist, on the traditional Cinderella story. The poem flows rhythically and unhindered through well stuctured lines. Rhymes sit well and ther are some effective touches of alliteration and assonance, especially in the 3rd stanza.
An enjoyable read.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2012
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Thank you Eliza for taking the time to read and review my words so thoroughly. I am glad you enjoyed it. It is an interesting format but I may not try it again for a time. At least as long as it takes the hair to grow back.--Wendy
