Ashes To Ashes
A Lento71 total reviews
Comment from WSpena07
Was just reading through some of the older entries. Actually haven't been on this sight for a while. Anyway, I loved your poem! Broke free from the "fairy tale" and made Cinderella interesting in a much different way. You made her more human, I felt. The structure and rhyme scheme were masterfully executed, and you really painted a picture that I think most would be able to see clearer to the Disney counterpart. Well Done!
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Was just reading through some of the older entries. Actually haven't been on this sight for a while. Anyway, I loved your poem! Broke free from the "fairy tale" and made Cinderella interesting in a much different way. You made her more human, I felt. The structure and rhyme scheme were masterfully executed, and you really painted a picture that I think most would be able to see clearer to the Disney counterpart. Well Done!
Comment Written 13-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2016
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Thanks so much for the thoughtful review. I too have been off site for months and just checked back to make sure I hadn't been ousted for non-payment. In the poem I followed the story line from the original, very dark Cinderella fairytale when most in this genre were about consequences and Karma. The Lento style seemed to call for the thrumming beat of her carriage and the actual carnage she left in her vengeful wake. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am grateful for the extra green thingy too. - Wendy
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My pleasure. It's the quality submissions that keep me on this site, so thanks.
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello, your Lento is simply awesome and you worked very hard on this one. Thanks for your authors notes. This is Cinderalla re-incarnated, the real story...Heh heh.
Great choice of words and rhythm.
The only thing I thought of was....drying tears she can't avenge." But other than this. Full aces. Great job. Cheers.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2012
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Hello, your Lento is simply awesome and you worked very hard on this one. Thanks for your authors notes. This is Cinderalla re-incarnated, the real story...Heh heh.
Great choice of words and rhythm.
The only thing I thought of was....drying tears she can't avenge." But other than this. Full aces. Great job. Cheers.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2012
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Thank you Benjamin for your read and thoughtful review. I'll jump over and take a look at your suggestion. Cheers back at you for the sixth one!
Comment from Galactia
Wow you could write all day. woul of taken a lot of brain power. sad tale but well written.
all words within each stanza rhyme perfectly, you also have perfect ABab rhyming scheeme.
Great job and good luck in the contest.
Regards
Tia
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Wow you could write all day. woul of taken a lot of brain power. sad tale but well written.
all words within each stanza rhyme perfectly, you also have perfect ABab rhyming scheeme.
Great job and good luck in the contest.
Regards
Tia
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thank you Tia for taking the time to read and write a thoughtful review of my work. I appreciate the good wishes and the stars too.
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent mono-rhyming in your opening words
strong alternate-line rhyming in your end-line rhymes
father's death - add apostrophe for possessive
Scrubs the chimney, sweeps - I added the comma
I particularly like grubs as a verb choice
excellent alliteration in scheming stepchild, plotting, proud
and screaming self
I really like the rhymes in the sashes/clashes stanza
good alliteration in sighing as she sweeps
and in vying with her vicious
and more alliteration that follows
I am laughing my head off at the closing - who the heck knows how they ended up dead?? LOL
Oh, I love this Cinderella with attitude :-) Great gallows humor :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Excellent mono-rhyming in your opening words
strong alternate-line rhyming in your end-line rhymes
father's death - add apostrophe for possessive
Scrubs the chimney, sweeps - I added the comma
I particularly like grubs as a verb choice
excellent alliteration in scheming stepchild, plotting, proud
and screaming self
I really like the rhymes in the sashes/clashes stanza
good alliteration in sighing as she sweeps
and in vying with her vicious
and more alliteration that follows
I am laughing my head off at the closing - who the heck knows how they ended up dead?? LOL
Oh, I love this Cinderella with attitude :-) Great gallows humor :-) Brooke
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Hello Brooke, Thank you for giving the poor princess a thorough review. I appreciate your catching the spag. I do tend to get sloppy from time to time when I cut and paste from my desktop and don't re-check. Ah, the fractured life of an ADD diva. Lot's of fun though, just not terribly specific most times.
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it's a really good poem!
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. I love your take on Cinderella. Be careful of who you harm. Your deeds can come back to you. Your victim will get away and find a good life. Great work.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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I love the picture. I love the poem. I love your take on Cinderella. Be careful of who you harm. Your deeds can come back to you. Your victim will get away and find a good life. Great work.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much elliejean. I appreciate your taking the time from your own work to read and review mine. --Wendy
Comment from Curly Girly
Well this is very good. Hat off to you. I think you did a wonderful, entertaining and imaginative job here. This one gets my vote. CG
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Well this is very good. Hat off to you. I think you did a wonderful, entertaining and imaginative job here. This one gets my vote. CG
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my words. I found this form a challenge, but great fun once I decided on the story. I appreciate the stars too.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Oh, brilliant stuff - I knew you'd come up with something good and this is outstanding.
I like that you've given dear Cinders a bit of mongrel (don't know if you have that expression but it's common here and not hard to work out!)
Only rhyme that jarred a bit on my ear was 'fairy', but who cares when you have the whole story off pat.
But do you really want to keep winning your own contests?????
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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Oh, brilliant stuff - I knew you'd come up with something good and this is outstanding.
I like that you've given dear Cinders a bit of mongrel (don't know if you have that expression but it's common here and not hard to work out!)
Only rhyme that jarred a bit on my ear was 'fairy', but who cares when you have the whole story off pat.
But do you really want to keep winning your own contests?????
Comment Written 11-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2012
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G'day to you. I love the mongrel expression and plan to introduce it here when ever applicable. It's so funny that the same words are mentioned by the Aussies and Brits. Here, in good old American, that is a perfect rhyme. I guess I should start reading my stuff aloud in my best Upstairs Downstairs and Thornbirds accent to see what I have done to your tender ears. I have, from time to time, commented on what I perceived as a "near" or "slant" rhyme from someone in your neck of the woods only to find that considering your accent it rings quite true. Thank goodness we don't have to try and rhyme Haiku for the Japanese. As to winning my own contest, that is very sweet, but I think the competition is stiff right now and there are some powerhouses that have yet to give us a peek at their stuff. This is fun. And I might even try another Lento some day if my hair ever grows back in.--Wendy
Comment from Sally Carter
A tour de force, Wendy. Very well done to tell a complete story in such a restricting form. Plus, I enjoyed the twist on the usual saccharine version of Cinderella. That last line is quite inspired!
I have to say I know you could have written a more fluent poem in another form than the lento, but it puts such demands on the writer that some small sacrifice has to be made. For instance, the slightly awkward word order in:
Drew she blood spells from the ground.
But as someone struggling to fulfil my own entry to the contest (aaaghhh...) it would be churlish to give anything less than a 5 for this excellent writing.
Best wishes to you, and hope I can produce something soon!
Sally
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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A tour de force, Wendy. Very well done to tell a complete story in such a restricting form. Plus, I enjoyed the twist on the usual saccharine version of Cinderella. That last line is quite inspired!
I have to say I know you could have written a more fluent poem in another form than the lento, but it puts such demands on the writer that some small sacrifice has to be made. For instance, the slightly awkward word order in:
Drew she blood spells from the ground.
But as someone struggling to fulfil my own entry to the contest (aaaghhh...) it would be churlish to give anything less than a 5 for this excellent writing.
Best wishes to you, and hope I can produce something soon!
Sally
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thanks Sally, I can't wait to read yours!--Wendy
Comment from humpwhistle
Easily a six, rosehill, for your careful and calculated
word selections alone. Just starting out with Haunted, Vaunted, Taunted, Flaunted would have daunted a lesser
poet. And, of course, I love the attitude.
I outgrew Walt Disney before I was even paper-trained.
Great work.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Easily a six, rosehill, for your careful and calculated
word selections alone. Just starting out with Haunted, Vaunted, Taunted, Flaunted would have daunted a lesser
poet. And, of course, I love the attitude.
I outgrew Walt Disney before I was even paper-trained.
Great work.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thank you Lee for the read and review. I admire your work, so this is humbly appreciated. I grew up with the fairy tale world of the Brothers Grimm and the French folk versions that always featured bitterness and bit of dark and devious retribution. My childhood moral compass was trained to see BEWARE as true north. I enjoyed the Disney sweetness, but I do remember asking my father why they didn't show what happened to the stepsisters at the end. Thank you again for taking the time to read and review my words. BTW, while I fully expected your wicked little frog-kissing Dash (I read it and jumped to your page to confirm my suspicions) to rush past mine, who knew that DIS would knock us both off the podium while I was off searching for a few missing gerunds?--Wendy
Comment from CarloG
Fantastic job. and so i will give you six solid stars. I really like your style,i dont mean the cinderalla thing. you really strive for some sort of purity, I mean you must take your time because its well thought out.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Fantastic job. and so i will give you six solid stars. I really like your style,i dont mean the cinderalla thing. you really strive for some sort of purity, I mean you must take your time because its well thought out.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2012
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Thank you Carlo for taking the time to review this. I am a bit of a stickler about rhyme and rhythm, so I thank you for noticing. . .and the six stars--Wendy
