The Tale of Lilly Pearl
Humorous Love story/poem16 total reviews
Comment from mermaids
This is a great poem, love the tale of the jilted bride and the reason her beloved took off. Your poem reads like a mini movie and is fun to read.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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This is a great poem, love the tale of the jilted bride and the reason her beloved took off. Your poem reads like a mini movie and is fun to read.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed my silly poem. It was just done
at work when I was "day dreaming." :o)
Comment from zlp22
Great story, my last name is Pearl and people have called me Olive Oyl. The picture even looks like me. Good word flow, interesting and fun to read. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Great story, my last name is Pearl and people have called me Olive Oyl. The picture even looks like me. Good word flow, interesting and fun to read. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Thank you zip for your kind comments and review. I'm glad
you enjoyed my poem.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi justjo66,
Thanks for sharing this story in a poem. I really enjoyed it. Great imagery! I can easily picture the chase, Lilly Pearl in a flowered dress with a huge bow...bare knees following black boots through fern and fauna...chasing down that chicken-hearted Buford. Lilly's father, carrying his shotgun, was right behind her with his hounds howling.
The ending couplet is perfect,
"Never try to out run a country girl
Especially one named Lilly Pearl."
I liked the alliteration here,
"boys' blood boil"
Good luck in the contest!
Kimbob
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Hi justjo66,
Thanks for sharing this story in a poem. I really enjoyed it. Great imagery! I can easily picture the chase, Lilly Pearl in a flowered dress with a huge bow...bare knees following black boots through fern and fauna...chasing down that chicken-hearted Buford. Lilly's father, carrying his shotgun, was right behind her with his hounds howling.
The ending couplet is perfect,
"Never try to out run a country girl
Especially one named Lilly Pearl."
I liked the alliteration here,
"boys' blood boil"
Good luck in the contest!
Kimbob
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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I am really glad you liked my story. It sounds like you have quite a lively imagination yourself. :o)
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello justjo66,
This is such a fun poem. Simply delicious. It made me smile. The poem reads and flows well and it quickly draws the reader through the verses. I especially liked:
The hounds took to the chase
But they couldn't keep the pace
Buford ran like on fire
Over the creek and through a briar
Lilly Pearl on his heels
Buford wasn't going to welch this deal
Marrying is what they came to do
She would get her due
I can just see all that wild running through the woods. Did someone get stung by a bee? Is a bear chasing someone? LOL
A great story in a poem. Good luck in the contest and keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Hello justjo66,
This is such a fun poem. Simply delicious. It made me smile. The poem reads and flows well and it quickly draws the reader through the verses. I especially liked:
The hounds took to the chase
But they couldn't keep the pace
Buford ran like on fire
Over the creek and through a briar
Lilly Pearl on his heels
Buford wasn't going to welch this deal
Marrying is what they came to do
She would get her due
I can just see all that wild running through the woods. Did someone get stung by a bee? Is a bear chasing someone? LOL
A great story in a poem. Good luck in the contest and keep the blue waters flowing. LateBloomer
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Thank you LateBloomer for your kind reveiw of my poem/story. It was just for fun and I enjoyed writing it. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Hahaha - this is a wonderful, funny, charming poem. I enjoyed every silly word of it and I think it makes a strong contest entry. Good luck!
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Hahaha - this is a wonderful, funny, charming poem. I enjoyed every silly word of it and I think it makes a strong contest entry. Good luck!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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I'm glad you got a hardy laught with my silly poem. I had fun writing it. I'm glad you had fun reading it.
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Very much so! Still smiling!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is very cute and clever, but the meter is waayyy off. Notice that your first stanza is three beats per line, but then you changed to mostly four beats per line for the rest, interrupting it often with too-short lines. If you make some changes, you can keep a nice even four-beat rhythm all the way, something like this:
Everyone knew sweet Lilly Pearl
She was really quite a girl
She met Buford at just fifteen
He was handsome, tall and lean
Prettiest girl he'd ever seen
Soon to be his teenage queen
The weddin' it was in the Fall
It weren't to be no fancy ball
Liquor flowed from out the jug
Tobacco offered by the plug
Lilly Pearl dressed in her best
A bride more lovely than the rest
Hair piled high like Olive Oyl
Got the young boys' to blood boil
Ruby lips were painted bright
Who'd thought Buford would take flight?
But then he took off in a run
Her papa hadn't brought his gun
Lilly Pearl went after her man
Down the hollow they both ran
The hounds left to join the chase
But found they couldn't keep the pace
Buford ran as if on fire
Over the creek and through a briar
Lilly Pearl was on his heel
Buford wouldn't welch this deal
Hitchin' is what they came to do
She'd make sure that he stayed true. << Can't rhyme DO with DUE, go by sound, not spelling
A stump in the way made him fall
Must have been the alcohol
Tears did pour from out her eyes
Why'd he tell her all those lies? << Not a direct quote so no marks
Buford, he cried out in pain
Swearing love, tried to explain
"It's just that I forgot the ring! << Quotes only at start and end
You know that you're my everything!" << Quotes only at start and end
The tale has been told far and wide
How Lilly Pearl became a bride
And if I should be so bold
The moral of the story's told:
Never try to outrun a country girl << Outrun is one word.
Especially one named Lilly Pearl.
Now, I know you have all fives and even a six on this, and this four will not count since they drop the lowest. I took all this time to SHOW you something that the others didn't care about, but any editor or writing teacher SURELY would point out. So, I hope you take as much time to consider the help I've given as I did to write it all. That's the PURPOSE of these reviews. I'm a former teacher and editor, btw. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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This is very cute and clever, but the meter is waayyy off. Notice that your first stanza is three beats per line, but then you changed to mostly four beats per line for the rest, interrupting it often with too-short lines. If you make some changes, you can keep a nice even four-beat rhythm all the way, something like this:
Everyone knew sweet Lilly Pearl
She was really quite a girl
She met Buford at just fifteen
He was handsome, tall and lean
Prettiest girl he'd ever seen
Soon to be his teenage queen
The weddin' it was in the Fall
It weren't to be no fancy ball
Liquor flowed from out the jug
Tobacco offered by the plug
Lilly Pearl dressed in her best
A bride more lovely than the rest
Hair piled high like Olive Oyl
Got the young boys' to blood boil
Ruby lips were painted bright
Who'd thought Buford would take flight?
But then he took off in a run
Her papa hadn't brought his gun
Lilly Pearl went after her man
Down the hollow they both ran
The hounds left to join the chase
But found they couldn't keep the pace
Buford ran as if on fire
Over the creek and through a briar
Lilly Pearl was on his heel
Buford wouldn't welch this deal
Hitchin' is what they came to do
She'd make sure that he stayed true. << Can't rhyme DO with DUE, go by sound, not spelling
A stump in the way made him fall
Must have been the alcohol
Tears did pour from out her eyes
Why'd he tell her all those lies? << Not a direct quote so no marks
Buford, he cried out in pain
Swearing love, tried to explain
"It's just that I forgot the ring! << Quotes only at start and end
You know that you're my everything!" << Quotes only at start and end
The tale has been told far and wide
How Lilly Pearl became a bride
And if I should be so bold
The moral of the story's told:
Never try to outrun a country girl << Outrun is one word.
Especially one named Lilly Pearl.
Now, I know you have all fives and even a six on this, and this four will not count since they drop the lowest. I took all this time to SHOW you something that the others didn't care about, but any editor or writing teacher SURELY would point out. So, I hope you take as much time to consider the help I've given as I did to write it all. That's the PURPOSE of these reviews. I'm a former teacher and editor, btw. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Phyllis, I am very thankful for all the time you took to review my poem. I have never had any formal training. Therefore, the ignorance on meter and such. That is why I came to this sight to learn from those that do know the proper forms etc. I always appreciate constructive reviews. I have read your review very carefully and will go back and rewrite parts of my poem and correct the SPAG's. I appreciate your help.
Comment from jmdg1954
This was written very well for that humorous poem contest. I like the narrative approach, the flow and cadence and rhyming pattern. The artwork is perfect. Anymore up your sleeve like this one? See this in book form.,
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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This was written very well for that humorous poem contest. I like the narrative approach, the flow and cadence and rhyming pattern. The artwork is perfect. Anymore up your sleeve like this one? See this in book form.,
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2012
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Thank you jmdg for your kind review. Anymore? Yes, I have written a few humorous poems. I like to tell silly stories. :o)
Comment from reconciled
lol....yea, some women know want.....and wont take no for an answer....I hope the poor guys happy lol Great fun read love Michael
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2012
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lol....yea, some women know want.....and wont take no for an answer....I hope the poor guys happy lol Great fun read love Michael
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2012
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Wow! Michael thank you for the six. This was just for fun.
My husband has a distant cousin named Lilly Pearl and her husband is R.B. They are kind of like my story. LOL
Comment from Eleanor Buron
LOL Quite a story in this sing-song poem. I'm still laughing. Perfect ending - Lilly Pearl got her man!
One typo - apostrophe needed after boys "boys' blood"
rhyming and rhythm move this poem along at a quick pace
(keeping up with Lil;ly Pearl).
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2012
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LOL Quite a story in this sing-song poem. I'm still laughing. Perfect ending - Lilly Pearl got her man!
One typo - apostrophe needed after boys "boys' blood"
rhyming and rhythm move this poem along at a quick pace
(keeping up with Lil;ly Pearl).
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2012
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Thanks Elly for noticing my typo. I corrected it. Appreciate the help. I'm glad you enjoyed the story/poem. I had fun
dreaming it up. :o)
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It was good to read some of your work! Have a great weekend.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This narrative poem is hilarious and well-written from
line 1 right down to the moral! Inclusion of the jugs of booze and the dogs--very impressive!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2012
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This narrative poem is hilarious and well-written from
line 1 right down to the moral! Inclusion of the jugs of booze and the dogs--very impressive!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2012
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Thank you Janice. I'm so glad you liked my funny poem.
I had so much fun writing it, too.
