Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "ILAKA MOON"Murder Mystery
55 total reviews
Comment from mauial
Captivating story and the way you describe the son really gives one a sense of his creppiness. His laugh bled bitterness. "Yeah, I'm the son." The last line gives one food for thought on his real dark side. Like the play with the phrase from a Beatles song, Mother Mary watches over me
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Captivating story and the way you describe the son really gives one a sense of his creppiness. His laugh bled bitterness. "Yeah, I'm the son." The last line gives one food for thought on his real dark side. Like the play with the phrase from a Beatles song, Mother Mary watches over me
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much mauial. I really appreciate you choosing to read my chapter and your great insights. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from L.lora
Woo-hoo, I'm hooked. From the
on-set of this well thought out
and presented write--I was hooked.
Excellent, to be able to captivate
your reader within the first couple
of lines. Superb descriptions in your
narrative and the dialogues are smooth
and realistic. You build the tempo of
mystery very well and titillate the
reader's senses with expectancy. Looking
forward to your next post. no nits or
spags...simply great reading. Lora
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Woo-hoo, I'm hooked. From the
on-set of this well thought out
and presented write--I was hooked.
Excellent, to be able to captivate
your reader within the first couple
of lines. Superb descriptions in your
narrative and the dialogues are smooth
and realistic. You build the tempo of
mystery very well and titillate the
reader's senses with expectancy. Looking
forward to your next post. no nits or
spags...simply great reading. Lora
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thank you so very much for this wonderfully generous and supportive review, L. I really appreciate the encouragement of your insights.
Warmest regards, Bev
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Though I'm not familiar with your work, this chapter stood on it's own and is a definite lure for garnering a new fan... :)
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Every succeeding chapter has been a learning experience for me. My writing from the first chapter to this is stronger due to the many excellent suggestions by reviewers. It isn't publishable, in my opinion, because I am approaching it with the attitude of learning my craft a little more with each write. When it's done, I'll go back and see if it merits a professional editor. So, you see, your feed-back is truly invaluable. :0) Bev
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Oh Bev don't doubt yourself, this is excellent and actually is so much better than alot of the stuff that is being published. You go girl, you're right on track. L
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Gosh you're sweet! Thanks for the encouragement. Xx Bev
Comment from Angels27
Very gripping narrative author. The story flows smoothly. The characters description is very vivid and the suspense in the story is nail biting. The home care patient and her even creepier son.......set the stage well.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Very gripping narrative author. The story flows smoothly. The characters description is very vivid and the suspense in the story is nail biting. The home care patient and her even creepier son.......set the stage well.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Angels27. I am honored by your gracious and generous review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundiminsion, you did a great job writing this chapter where grace's new home health nurse meets eddie and she feels fear of him and grace shows her the rosary he gave to her, which came from Edith's (?) murder.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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this is very well written, writingfundiminsion, you did a great job writing this chapter where grace's new home health nurse meets eddie and she feels fear of him and grace shows her the rosary he gave to her, which came from Edith's (?) murder.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Sweet! I appreciate your loyalty in following along with my novel and your generous review.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
An absolutely superb chapter, Bev.
she'd worked up more sweat during menopause than she ever had in the bedroom. - Love this!
brought her Durango to rest in the middle of a pile of dry leaves. - This is only one of so many details that you include, each one setting the scene, painting the picture for your readers to see in full. Wonderful work.
Wow. Eddie is very creepy. What a hook to leave us with, you wicked woman!!!
Wish I had a sixer for you, my friend. Even that wouldn't be enough for this fantastic work.
Bravo!
Love Av
xxx
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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An absolutely superb chapter, Bev.
she'd worked up more sweat during menopause than she ever had in the bedroom. - Love this!
brought her Durango to rest in the middle of a pile of dry leaves. - This is only one of so many details that you include, each one setting the scene, painting the picture for your readers to see in full. Wonderful work.
Wow. Eddie is very creepy. What a hook to leave us with, you wicked woman!!!
Wish I had a sixer for you, my friend. Even that wouldn't be enough for this fantastic work.
Bravo!
Love Av
xxx
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Dear Av. Thank you so much for this awesome review! I wasn't sure about the humor at the start, but I just couldn't resist. So glad you liked.
I am honored by your support and great insights. Means more than an extra star to me any time.
Love you,
Bev
Comment from AprilShower
Oh, my! It certainly looks like Marsha has found the murderer. It didn't take her long to see why the other nurses wanted re-assinged. I'm anxious to read more, Bev. This is well written. His mother's statement, "I have hundreds of these. This is the prettiest one Eddie's ever given me..." "He said a very special lady gave it to him just before she died." is really spooky.
April
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Oh, my! It certainly looks like Marsha has found the murderer. It didn't take her long to see why the other nurses wanted re-assinged. I'm anxious to read more, Bev. This is well written. His mother's statement, "I have hundreds of these. This is the prettiest one Eddie's ever given me..." "He said a very special lady gave it to him just before she died." is really spooky.
April
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Hi, April. Marsha needs to watch her step from here on out for sure!
Thanks so much, my friend for this wonderfully supportive and generous review.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from robina1978
Is the woman living in the house where someone got killed?
What she suspected, seems to be true. But at least apart from neglect the old lady is still alive. Maybe Eddy was the murderer.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Is the woman living in the house where someone got killed?
What she suspected, seems to be true. But at least apart from neglect the old lady is still alive. Maybe Eddy was the murderer.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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The home that Marsha visits is not where the murder took place. But it is the home of the killer. Catching him will take supernatural means, in part, however.
Thanks so much, Ine. I appreciate your great review.
Warm regards, Bev
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OK, get it now, Ine
Comment from donaldww
The story starts with Marsha being assigned as home care nurse for a creepy woman, Getrude Pearce, with an even creepier son!
He has lurid features. A that point I wondered about putting in the most shocking of the feature from the next paragraph right then and there. Lurid sounded kind of weak, and not too shocking.
For example:
...but his lifeless black eyes, goatee, and diamond-stud earrings shocked her into silence.
Stretched taut across prominent cheekbones and a high forehead, Marsha had the impression of young skin on old bones.
etc.
We're left with a mystery of the special lady for the next instalment.
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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The story starts with Marsha being assigned as home care nurse for a creepy woman, Getrude Pearce, with an even creepier son!
He has lurid features. A that point I wondered about putting in the most shocking of the feature from the next paragraph right then and there. Lurid sounded kind of weak, and not too shocking.
For example:
...but his lifeless black eyes, goatee, and diamond-stud earrings shocked her into silence.
Stretched taut across prominent cheekbones and a high forehead, Marsha had the impression of young skin on old bones.
etc.
We're left with a mystery of the special lady for the next instalment.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Hi, Donald. Thank you for your insights and suggestions. It's interesting that every book I've read on demon possession describes a common characteristic: A weird, youthful, appearance to the face and skin. I found that really fascinating.
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your generosity.
Kind regards, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
It looks like you have just introduced a prime suspect. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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It looks like you have just introduced a prime suspect. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, charlie. Yup, a prime suspect for sure. Appreciate your generous review! Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
Comment from Misrael
That was very weird and creepy and yet good in it's way. I do look forward to reading more if there is more to come in the future. Good read, good job and keep on writing.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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That was very weird and creepy and yet good in it's way. I do look forward to reading more if there is more to come in the future. Good read, good job and keep on writing.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Hi, Misrael. I do intend to continue the story. And I really appreciate you taking time to read this chapter and your generous review. Warm regards, Bev
