Comment from Thesis

Excellent

I never knew that about you either, mate, LOL. Great post, Mike. I enjoyed the set-up and how you used the "shy" cover to mask reality. Nicely done. - John

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012

Lol, thanks John. I'm glad yo enjoyed it, mate - it was a lot of fun to write.

Mike

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Oh dear. I have read a couple of entries for this vampire contest. Your's is very strong and told a very intesting story. Good luck.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012

Thank you, Barbara. I think there have been some decent entries in this one. I'm glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from G.B. Smith

Exceptional

Hey there Mike
Dadgummit Pal, this si shockingly good. I entered this contest as well, and I think you just blew me outta the water. I love vampire stories, and this is a gooden
Bear

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012

Thanks so much, Bear. It was an intriguing contest prompt, wasn't it? I just had to have a go! I'm thrilled you enjoyed reading my take on it. :-)

Moke

Comment from Hitcher

Exceptional

Nice! I didn't see that one coming at all Mike, which is you working your magic mate, the slight of hand before the audience goes WOW! A fresh take on those beautiful creatures of the night. Should do well in the contest, good luck!

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012

Thanks, Hitch - thrilled you liked it, mate. I couldn't just leave it at 'guy meets fit vampire' - there had to be more to the story!

Mike

Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Mike,

I have read a few other vampire stories entered in the contest but I must say yours is the best. I was engaged in it from the beginning to the end. I must admit I wasn't expecting the protagonist to be a vampire but that twist as the end is the sign of a good and accomplished writer. Well done and good luck in the contest....chey

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 03-Oct-2012

Thank you, Chey :-)

I had fun writing this one. I do love turning stories around and presenting the unexpected. So glad you liked it!

Mike

Comment from GWHARGIS

Excellent

Really good. I liked the descriptive powers you have. Everything made me think of food and it was appropriate for the hunger of the blood lust. You right with phenomenal style. Nice job.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012

Thanks for the wonderful review! That's a great compliment. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read :-).

Mike

reply by GWHARGIS on 02-Oct-2012

I meant you write with phenomenal style.

Comment from Vladilynn

Excellent

Yikkessss!! Mike:(

That's really scary! Your words is so vivid and it reaches my spine. I'm so engrossed with it, thinking it's the mysterious girl then, suddenly the twist came out! It's Mike! Huh! It's you...? lol

I like some certain parts, you've add your poetic ability and you funny wit in the same time, like in this part:

"I'm Mike." I sat on the edge of a pristine white bath while she rummaged in a cabinet over the sink. The dress presented her figure while she moved, complicit in distracting me from the blood that now ran across my chin.

She turned to me, cotton balls in one hand, her deep, dark eyes so wide I could see the whites all round. "I'm hungry."

"That's a funny name."

Thank you for sharing and Good luck for the contest.

Love much,
Lynn :0)

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012

Thanks so much for the great review, Lynn :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Mike

Comment from carlaedi

Excellent

Really good writing, powerful stuff. I absolutely love the way it comes around on itself, ending the way it started but with a new, refreshed perspective on it. It has suspense and it keeps the reader interested throughout. Very good job.

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012

Thanks so much, Carlaedi - I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read :-).

Mike

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Exceptional

I am aghast and intrigued all at the same time. What a great twist, Mike. So this vampirism was latent and he's draining his victims. Hmmm. Well done. :) nancy

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012

Thanks so much for the great review, Nancy :-). I'm thrilled you enjoyed it.

Mike

Comment from Judian James

Exceptional

"Her hair was the red of Autumn waning. I think that's what drew me to her. Well, that and the wicked twist in her smile when she winked at me." Fabulous hook in your starting lines, Mike. Oh, how I've missed your work. (which I almost did miss with all the PM's for Oct.1, your post was on page three of my notices!) This isn't scary, bloody, yucky is it? ... "Well, to be exact, she heard me fall flat on my face because I was looking over my shoulder at her. She's rented the apartment down the hall." Good one.
I LOVED your entire description of her right down to her fingernails. excellent and sexy. I do think I'd consider tweaking this bit: "She wiped her mouth with the back of one hand" "wiped" is a little too crass and common here ...
perhaps something gentler like "brushed" would work better?
""It arcs gracefully between your shoulder and head, smooth as a marble statue but warm as Summer on toast. I want to lick it." LOVE this line!! So, your character's name is Mike, right? Am I to assume this is your truth? lol BRAVO!!

 Comment Written 02-Oct-2012

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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012

Thank you, Jude :-). I've played with that line as you make a very good point. I'm thrilled you liked this one, my friend.

Mike