Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Mission"A collection of my poems
23 total reviews
Comment from Cornelius2000
Ouch! You got me! All that lovely, lyrical writing, and then, all of a sudden, a punch line that made it all worthwhile. Nice surprise ending.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
  |
Ouch! You got me! All that lovely, lyrical writing, and then, all of a sudden, a punch line that made it all worthwhile. Nice surprise ending.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2012
-
Thank you - not everyone appreciated the jolt!
Steve
Comment from Dodey
Brilliant..I was completely lost in the amazing imagery of
the quest for mankind and the brave warriors and then found you delivering a pizza...I thought I'd turned a page..lol..Your rhyme and flow in this work is wonderful and makes for great easy reading..the ending is off the wall good, and me thinks thou art a little wicked.lol....Bravo..Dee.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
|
Brilliant..I was completely lost in the amazing imagery of
the quest for mankind and the brave warriors and then found you delivering a pizza...I thought I'd turned a page..lol..Your rhyme and flow in this work is wonderful and makes for great easy reading..the ending is off the wall good, and me thinks thou art a little wicked.lol....Bravo..Dee.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Dee. Sometimes I just have an irresistible urge to 'spoil' a perfectly good poem. Worst ever was my 'Lafferty's last Ride'.
Steve
Comment from Chris Petersen
Great write here Steve. In fact very enlightening. I always wondered why pizza deliveries where soooooo expensive. No I know. Next time I see a pizza delivery person I'll take my hat off to them. Reminds me also about when I had a New Zealand pizza in Auckland while watching Australia v New Zealand cricket match.
Very cleaver write Steve and good luck with it. Chris. :-)
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
|
Great write here Steve. In fact very enlightening. I always wondered why pizza deliveries where soooooo expensive. No I know. Next time I see a pizza delivery person I'll take my hat off to them. Reminds me also about when I had a New Zealand pizza in Auckland while watching Australia v New Zealand cricket match.
Very cleaver write Steve and good luck with it. Chris. :-)
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Chris.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Aaagh!! Here was me studying your carefully crafted rhyme scheme, imagining the trek through thick & thin, fascinated to know what could be at the end etc etc. But just one of Steve's devious little pitfalls awaits!! Man! You are evil!! Hope you win anyway, lol. Giddy
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
|
Aaagh!! Here was me studying your carefully crafted rhyme scheme, imagining the trek through thick & thin, fascinated to know what could be at the end etc etc. But just one of Steve's devious little pitfalls awaits!! Man! You are evil!! Hope you win anyway, lol. Giddy
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Giddy - I actually wrote myself into a corner with the line about mankind's fate so I took the easy way out and turned it into a joke - don't think the committee will appreciate it!
Steve
-
I suspect you're right. G
Comment from terry drake
All of that for a pizza. Wow I was impressed and couldn't hold back a laugh as I reached the conclusion. Very well done with glorious rhymes in timing to your message.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
|
All of that for a pizza. Wow I was impressed and couldn't hold back a laugh as I reached the conclusion. Very well done with glorious rhymes in timing to your message.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Terry - they really suffer for their job these pizza delivery boys.
Steve
Comment from nancyjam
You had me thinking you had changed!!(lol)
but no, the humor is still in evidence.
Entertaining story/poem with strong rhyme and
meter.
cleverly worded with surprise ending.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
|
You had me thinking you had changed!!(lol)
but no, the humor is still in evidence.
Entertaining story/poem with strong rhyme and
meter.
cleverly worded with surprise ending.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
I can write serious stuff sometimes, really!
Witness my pantoup placing.
This was more fun, though, imagining all those jaws dropping at the ridiculous ending.
Steve
Comment from juliedickson55
Ahhh, the pizza dude!
And here I thought it was the medieval quest.
"As Sol dies swiftly in the west
by cooling zephyrs we are blest" Lovely image of the sun and wind here.
I like this line too:
"At last I knock upon a gate
neath twisted towers and spires ornate"
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
|
Ahhh, the pizza dude!
And here I thought it was the medieval quest.
"As Sol dies swiftly in the west
by cooling zephyrs we are blest" Lovely image of the sun and wind here.
I like this line too:
"At last I knock upon a gate
neath twisted towers and spires ornate"
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Julie
I started with serious intentions!
Steve
Comment from Curly Girly
Oh well done! Very good indeed. Most commendable. I hope after all that trouble, that you pizza was not cold! Yes, I live near Gore, so I can well imagine a Zephyr delivery van...there are a lot of Zephyr caravans around too! Perhaps one will become a Pizza parlour?
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
 |
Oh well done! Very good indeed. Most commendable. I hope after all that trouble, that you pizza was not cold! Yes, I live near Gore, so I can well imagine a Zephyr delivery van...there are a lot of Zephyr caravans around too! Perhaps one will become a Pizza parlour?
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
Yup, used to have a zephyr, back before I even knew what the word meant.
A few people probably choked on their pizas when they got to that ridiculous ending!
Steve
Comment from MissMerri
Well... I like surprise endings and this story in a poem did not disappoint at all. What a story! It made me laugh, when I was just about to cry for the loss of this noble life. Very well written with perfect cadence and marvelous rhymes. It was a delight to read and will do quite well I'm sure, in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
|
Well... I like surprise endings and this story in a poem did not disappoint at all. What a story! It made me laugh, when I was just about to cry for the loss of this noble life. Very well written with perfect cadence and marvelous rhymes. It was a delight to read and will do quite well I'm sure, in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
Thank you, but I don't really think the committee will go for this - just a moment of madness and the lack of a real ending...
Steve
Comment from Sally Carter
Hahahaaaaa... I never saw this coming, Steve, though I confess by the time I got to verse 6 I was starting to think it was all going to have to end rather dramatically.
Did you know this end was coming when you started, or did the story just take over your pen?
Excellent writing and meter, and what fun to see a funny entry into the contest. You really write this kind of thing so well, and always a pleasure to read.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
|
Hahahaaaaa... I never saw this coming, Steve, though I confess by the time I got to verse 6 I was starting to think it was all going to have to end rather dramatically.
Did you know this end was coming when you started, or did the story just take over your pen?
Excellent writing and meter, and what fun to see a funny entry into the contest. You really write this kind of thing so well, and always a pleasure to read.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
-
Thanks, Sally.
You probably guessed that I stated out eith serious and noble intentions. Then I wrote myself into a bit of a corner with the 'mankind's fate' line so chose the easy option...
Steve
