Elam and the Yankee
A meeting in the woods.35 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
You narrow the horror of a war into the emotional struggle between two enemies, who for a short time, give each other just what each man needs. As always, your dialogue and dialect are superb and the descriptions are almost poetic.
Excellent story, hw.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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You narrow the horror of a war into the emotional struggle between two enemies, who for a short time, give each other just what each man needs. As always, your dialogue and dialect are superb and the descriptions are almost poetic.
Excellent story, hw.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 17-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Indy. You know me, always trying to boil history down to two people. Thanks so much. Peace, Lee
Comment from visionary1234
This is great Lee! I haven't been reading your stuff because I hate to come in at the middle of things but I should have known better, because your work is always a pleasure - this was no exception. Now I want to go back to the start! :) Sharyn
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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This is great Lee! I haven't been reading your stuff because I hate to come in at the middle of things but I should have known better, because your work is always a pleasure - this was no exception. Now I want to go back to the start! :) Sharyn
Comment Written 16-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thanks so much, Sharyn. I know what you mean about coming in at the middle, but I normally write stand-alone pieces. I have no patience for the longer stuff. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from FrankieXP
You've got some editing work to do on this. I think you're a master of country slang dialogue, and this has the feel of a good story [though I don't have the benefit of the full plot line].
Par. 2: between him or between himself?
"with a bloody howdy" : I get it, but a little jarring. Howdy not only do not bleed, they are not tangible.
"War was surely a nasty business" We've heard this phrase before.
"Yes, I am. But I'm a few other things first--startin' with a father. Now tell me your name, soldier."--Too direct--he actually states his own motive. Let the reader figure it out from other facts.
Elam realized he was twenty-rows-of-plowin' tired -- This is a first class sentence.
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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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You've got some editing work to do on this. I think you're a master of country slang dialogue, and this has the feel of a good story [though I don't have the benefit of the full plot line].
Par. 2: between him or between himself?
"with a bloody howdy" : I get it, but a little jarring. Howdy not only do not bleed, they are not tangible.
"War was surely a nasty business" We've heard this phrase before.
"Yes, I am. But I'm a few other things first--startin' with a father. Now tell me your name, soldier."--Too direct--he actually states his own motive. Let the reader figure it out from other facts.
Elam realized he was twenty-rows-of-plowin' tired -- This is a first class sentence.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Frankie. I think we'll have to agree to disagree. I know it's unorthodox, but I purposely write these vignettes from a perspective that straddles narrative and dialogue. When my character is worried about being stabbed by a bayonet, he might regard such an intrusion as a 'bloody howdy'.
I do not argue with your point of view, I merely suggest there may be another. Rules have always proven themselves to momentarily convenient.
That being said, I do respect your view, and appreciate your comments. Peace, Lee
Comment from justatuna
I thought this was a really enjoyable read. I like how you showed both sides of human nature. We're such strange things. No advice on structure. It's not my thing. Great story. Great imagery and flow. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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I thought this was a really enjoyable read. I like how you showed both sides of human nature. We're such strange things. No advice on structure. It's not my thing. Great story. Great imagery and flow. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thank you, justatuna. I'm glad you saw where I was coming from. Much appreciated. Peace, Lee
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your post is extremly emotional. I enjoyed reading. My husband is retired Army and my oldest son is active duty now, so I have strong ties to the Army, but I still don't understand why we can't have peace.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Your post is extremly emotional. I enjoyed reading. My husband is retired Army and my oldest son is active duty now, so I have strong ties to the Army, but I still don't understand why we can't have peace.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2012
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Thanks so much, barbara. I don't understand why armies need to fight, either. Your family should be proud. Peace, Lee
Comment from Cumbrianlass
So sad. How many young wasted lives ended this way. You show both sides of war - the bloody wasteful side, and the human compassionate side. Told, of course, in your inimitable way, Lee.
Beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye. Silly me.
Sorry I can't give you a six.
x
The threat would come from the skirmishers deployed in the woods on each side road in hopes of rooting out snipers and discouraging ambush(es)(ers)?.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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So sad. How many young wasted lives ended this way. You show both sides of war - the bloody wasteful side, and the human compassionate side. Told, of course, in your inimitable way, Lee.
Beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye. Silly me.
Sorry I can't give you a six.
x
The threat would come from the skirmishers deployed in the woods on each side road in hopes of rooting out snipers and discouraging ambush(es)(ers)?.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Av. Sorry about the tear. Didn't mean to bring you down this morning. I keep playing around with 'ambushment' 'ambuscade' looking for a way to say it wrong, but have it sound right for the time. Sometimes I over think. I just changed it to 'ambushers'. Thanks for the help.
Peace, Lee
Comment from barkingdog
That first line, full of alliteration is beautiful. It does set this up for what it is, a wonderful look at a fading young soldier.
Well, done and so touching. Whether the soldier that he talks to is real or a ghost, it doesn't matter. At least the boy's not alone in his dying.(twenty-rows-of-plowin' tired)
Marvelous dialogue. Setting and progression of his plight crystal clear. Excellent pacing.
I wish I had a six today.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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That first line, full of alliteration is beautiful. It does set this up for what it is, a wonderful look at a fading young soldier.
Well, done and so touching. Whether the soldier that he talks to is real or a ghost, it doesn't matter. At least the boy's not alone in his dying.(twenty-rows-of-plowin' tired)
Marvelous dialogue. Setting and progression of his plight crystal clear. Excellent pacing.
I wish I had a six today.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Ellen. I'm glad you brought up the possibility that the older man might not really be there. I want to leave that option, and you are the one to see it. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Taurean Monkey
War fiction isn't the type of prose I'd normally read, but you had me intrigued with this offering. I was touched by the ending, the humanity shown by one soldier to another. Very descriptive writing with interesting dialectic speech. May I ask, Lee, what does 'et' mean? I know if you're citing a group of authors, you can reference it 'et al' (and others?)?
I get the impression that Elam just died and the Yankee was ensuring he didn't die without people knowing of his fate. Did I misinterpret the ending? Kind regards, Tricia
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2012
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War fiction isn't the type of prose I'd normally read, but you had me intrigued with this offering. I was touched by the ending, the humanity shown by one soldier to another. Very descriptive writing with interesting dialectic speech. May I ask, Lee, what does 'et' mean? I know if you're citing a group of authors, you can reference it 'et al' (and others?)?
I get the impression that Elam just died and the Yankee was ensuring he didn't die without people knowing of his fate. Did I misinterpret the ending? Kind regards, Tricia
Comment Written 14-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Tricia. "Et" is just dialect for 'eaten.' Sometimes I use dialect even in my narrative so the story is conveted as if it's being 'told', not written. You read the ending perfectly. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from Scarbrems
Oh yeah, you can bet this happened. It's happened in most wars. The poor sods fighting aren't inhuman robots. Well, you know I love the way you write, you have your own style and you bring history to life incredibly well.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2012
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Oh yeah, you can bet this happened. It's happened in most wars. The poor sods fighting aren't inhuman robots. Well, you know I love the way you write, you have your own style and you bring history to life incredibly well.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2012
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Thanks, emsey. I love to play with history. Even war, when you boil it down to two people, can have its tender moments. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, humpwhistle, you did a great job writing this story about the father and son on different sides of the battle and the father stayed to watch his son die
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, humpwhistle, you did a great job writing this story about the father and son on different sides of the battle and the father stayed to watch his son die
Comment Written 14-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2012
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Thank you, sweetie. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
