Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Timothy"A collection of my children's poems
17 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this a well written fun poem that is well written so many parents go through this I liked the presentation picture too well done good luck regards Jill
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Yes this a well written fun poem that is well written so many parents go through this I liked the presentation picture too well done good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Jill.
A little different from my sestina that you also reviewed!
Steve
Comment from Hollyhock
Really liked the "feel" of this one.
You successfully convey the noise one little boy can make in the course of a day.
Lots of real noise words and effective onomatopoeia to add to the din. I liked the patterning of noise and then the explanation in the next line.
Very effective the run-on line at the end. The full stop after "over" perfectly imitates the sudden silence when the children are finally in bed.
Very nice read, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Really liked the "feel" of this one.
You successfully convey the noise one little boy can make in the course of a day.
Lots of real noise words and effective onomatopoeia to add to the din. I liked the patterning of noise and then the explanation in the next line.
Very effective the run-on line at the end. The full stop after "over" perfectly imitates the sudden silence when the children are finally in bed.
Very nice read, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Andrea,
Seems I made just enough noise to win this one. A little different from a sestina!
Steve
Comment from Leanne Ortiz
Very cute. I can picture Timothy beating his drum.
Just the last two lines did not quite flow in rhythm for me. I had a real rythm happening in the rest of the poem and then lost it in the last couple of lines.
I think rhythm is important for kids poems.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Very cute. I can picture Timothy beating his drum.
Just the last two lines did not quite flow in rhythm for me. I had a real rythm happening in the rest of the poem and then lost it in the last couple of lines.
I think rhythm is important for kids poems.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thanks, Leanne. I agree about the rhythm - here, I deliberately changed the last couple of lines to signify the abrupt peace and quiet when noisy Timothy went to bed.
Steve
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this si very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this cacophony poem about the two year old's noise making scheme. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest. my only complaint is it's hard to read that bright blue print on the screen
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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this si very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this cacophony poem about the two year old's noise making scheme. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest. my only complaint is it's hard to read that bright blue print on the screen
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thank you - sorry about the print - looks fine on mine so it's hard to judge.
Steve
Comment from Scribbler67
I guess I never grew up. I'm in my late 60's and I LOVED this. I read it out loud and I laughed. It really works. The rhyming is good, the words have the desired effect. What child could fail to clap their hands and giggle to this lovely, bouncy, noisy little poem. It lacks nothing.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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I guess I never grew up. I'm in my late 60's and I LOVED this. I read it out loud and I laughed. It really works. The rhyming is good, the words have the desired effect. What child could fail to clap their hands and giggle to this lovely, bouncy, noisy little poem. It lacks nothing.
Very well done.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thank you glad you enjoyed this and, yes, it is designed to be read out loud an to bounce along.
Steve
Comment from GloriaZ
The cacophony in this poem involved audio, visual, and kinesthetic. And it had rhyme -- yet despite the rhyme, which usually makes a poem less "cacophonous", the cacophony shone through. Any parent can definitely feel this, and empathize... and grasp at the peace that "bedtime at last" brings. And after all this, one still distills the feeling that Timothy is loved.
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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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The cacophony in this poem involved audio, visual, and kinesthetic. And it had rhyme -- yet despite the rhyme, which usually makes a poem less "cacophonous", the cacophony shone through. Any parent can definitely feel this, and empathize... and grasp at the peace that "bedtime at last" brings. And after all this, one still distills the feeling that Timothy is loved.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Gloria - good point about the rhyme - I hoped I had still created enough noise to overcome it.
Steve
Comment from Bindu Saxena
My neighbor from Houston had a Timothy.I can very well relate this poem to him.He used to pluck all the flowers from the beds,(stealthily though :))blow horns of standing two-wheelers and whistle and hoot and make his baby bro cry by removing his wet pamper and jumping onto the mattress! They were real fun to watch.What I meant to convey is that I relived those days with your poem so fresh and cool and clean.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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My neighbor from Houston had a Timothy.I can very well relate this poem to him.He used to pluck all the flowers from the beds,(stealthily though :))blow horns of standing two-wheelers and whistle and hoot and make his baby bro cry by removing his wet pamper and jumping onto the mattress! They were real fun to watch.What I meant to convey is that I relived those days with your poem so fresh and cool and clean.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Bindu.
I guess I was reliving my own two little terrors growing up.
Steve
