Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Just Getting Started"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
15 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
First of all, I don't know how I didn't see this? Weird. Anyway, great way to follow up. I loved the sheriff's character, and especially the dialect. The suggestion you put in by the sheriff about when he killed a werewolf, but he turned back was excellent!
What woman goes to town without her handbag?"==duh..haha
he watched until the dogs vanquished ==so glad you used that word! :)
Anyway, the dogs won the fight and the wolf or whatever was in his death throes and he was, like, shape-shifting." Lenny moved uncomfortably and glanced at Jim.
==loved this description!
She has quite a story in her own right."
==good, maybe now they'll get to the truth about her!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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First of all, I don't know how I didn't see this? Weird. Anyway, great way to follow up. I loved the sheriff's character, and especially the dialect. The suggestion you put in by the sheriff about when he killed a werewolf, but he turned back was excellent!
What woman goes to town without her handbag?"==duh..haha
he watched until the dogs vanquished ==so glad you used that word! :)
Anyway, the dogs won the fight and the wolf or whatever was in his death throes and he was, like, shape-shifting." Lenny moved uncomfortably and glanced at Jim.
==loved this description!
She has quite a story in her own right."
==good, maybe now they'll get to the truth about her!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Hello, my friend, so good to see you. Love your reviews, gives me encouragement, for sure. Yes, we're going to find out just what Louise is made of pretty soon.
So good to see you and thanks for the awesome review!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from rwilliam
Great chapter. Very intriguing and held me captive to the very end (as usual):-) Wonderful writing.
I'm so relieved that they have FINALLY called the cops. LOL :-)
This whole shape shifting thing is so mysterious and it's interesting to "learn" about as I read your story.
Keep going girl, it's really good!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Great chapter. Very intriguing and held me captive to the very end (as usual):-) Wonderful writing.
I'm so relieved that they have FINALLY called the cops. LOL :-)
This whole shape shifting thing is so mysterious and it's interesting to "learn" about as I read your story.
Keep going girl, it's really good!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Well, y'know, we've really only gone through 24 hours although it seems like weeks! That's the problem with so many varied pov's and all that, different locations. I'm having great fun, so glad to know you are, too.
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Kym Jade
Wow, this is getting very intriguing and we love how you transport us from our office until we stand witness to it all.
Wonderful writing which has it all.
Write ON.
Love and blessings
Kym and Jade
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Wow, this is getting very intriguing and we love how you transport us from our office until we stand witness to it all.
Wonderful writing which has it all.
Write ON.
Love and blessings
Kym and Jade
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Hi Girls!
Gee, so good to see you. Makes me smile! So glad you're liking this one. Definitely a departure from my norm but it's fun!
There's another coming soon,
Hugs and love,
Gayle
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I hope the sheriff finds something. Is Louise after the reward, figuring they would offer one. That might make sense. I don't know why else they would kidnap Ella.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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I hope the sheriff finds something. Is Louise after the reward, figuring they would offer one. That might make sense. I don't know why else they would kidnap Ella.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Well, see, Darius had some wild scheme to kidnap Ella and start his 'legacy' as it were. He planned to get Terry as well, but the dogs got him first.
Now we have to find Ella before she does something crazy.
Thanks so much for the fine comments and support, Barbara.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
JUST GETTING STARTED is the perfect title for another fast-paced, well-written chapter. Flawless characterization through dialogue and description. Really puts the reader right in the middle of the action. Well done again, my friend. Looking forward to reading more of this breathless bayou thriller. Keep going...
cheers!
js
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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JUST GETTING STARTED is the perfect title for another fast-paced, well-written chapter. Flawless characterization through dialogue and description. Really puts the reader right in the middle of the action. Well done again, my friend. Looking forward to reading more of this breathless bayou thriller. Keep going...
cheers!
js
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Hello, my friend, sorry I've been scarce lately, but I've been sick as a dog for a couple of days. Will catch you up as soon as I can.
Glad you liked this one!
Hugs,
Gayle
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FEEL BETTER!!
Comment from fictionwriter
I think I'd skip the iced tea all together and just go for mind-numbing drinks. Loved this, expecially how the sheriff too the werewolf thing. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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I think I'd skip the iced tea all together and just go for mind-numbing drinks. Loved this, expecially how the sheriff too the werewolf thing. Well done.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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LOL, I know exactly what you mean! And isn't that Louise cool under fire. So glad you're enjoying and reading along.
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Joy Graham
$100,000.00 will get a lot of people in the search!!! Wowsers :) Someone with a boat that can get past those crocodiles. I enjoyed this chapter. Can't wait for more!
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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$100,000.00 will get a lot of people in the search!!! Wowsers :) Someone with a boat that can get past those crocodiles. I enjoyed this chapter. Can't wait for more!
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Hey Joy,
So glad you liked this one and yes, I hope the reward will spark some interest. We have another out today or tomorrow that's really got me jazzed.
Again, thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Oh I'm so sorry I haven't been around FanStory in some time. Busy little bee. I missed this story and will have to try and go back a bit to catch up. Thanks for sharing. I really love your stories with the Sessions.
hugs
heidi
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Oh I'm so sorry I haven't been around FanStory in some time. Busy little bee. I missed this story and will have to try and go back a bit to catch up. Thanks for sharing. I really love your stories with the Sessions.
hugs
heidi
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2012
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Hey Heidi, I've missed you, but busy is good. Hope the business is doing great.
If you decide to go back - or just wait and I'll send you the book when it's published, be sure to go to my port and read 'loup garu' since it's the prologue.
And for heavens sake, no need to review since there's no bucks left.
Always a ball to see you,
Hugs,
Gayle
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I read many of the first chapters just need to catch up when I can. hugs and kisses
heidi
Comment from nor84
No, she doesn't. I didn't find it until I went in to take a shower. It was in her purse, which she'd hung on the back of the chair. Her dress was draped over it. I accidently brushed against it." >>>This section has "it" in it 4 times. Might want to look.
Sheriff Perina leaned back in his chair, tenting his fingers and sighed.>>>I'd go with 'tented' and not 'tenting,' because if you uses tenting, you pretty well have to use sighing too.
Gayle, do they still use police artists? I thought it was computerized these days.
"We're identical twins. She wears blue contacts, >>>that's a repeat from earlier when she says 'she looks like me' and mentions the blue contacts.
"Make copies for all the beat cops for handouts, Patterson>>>to avoid repeating 'for' in that sentence, you might say 'make handout copies for the beat cops'
Lenny nodded at the Sheriff, >>>Lenny's responding to Jim's raised eyebrows, so I'd drop 'at the sheriff'. I have a thing against prepositional phrases. Sneaky darned things! No need to capitalize Sheriff if you decide to leave it the way you have it.
but I picked up the ones with the most amount >>>probably better without 'amount'
"I thought I had a varied career in homicide as an LA detective(.) I thought I'd seen it all, but
eyewitness is one word, not two.
"This is not my first werewolf experience(.) (W)e call them loup garu.
The Sheriff's (sheriff's)car had stopped >>>only use caps when used with a name or as a name
Next week they hosted another wedding(,) and whatever problems >>>I think I'd speak of the restaurant, not 'they'.
She had to satisfy the (s)heriff(,) and right away.
Charles Barberi descended the stairs with a wide smile and a hand stretched toward the (s)heriff.
Don't have to say what Jim, Lenny and Terry had been doing, just that they 'rounded the corner'.
Several more instances of 'sheriff' need to be lower case. You might even want to consider cutting the word when you can. For example, when Charles Barberi talks to the sheriff and you say 'without waiting for a response' you can drop 'from the sheriff' because it isn't needed. It's clear who is being spoken to.
"Thank you, Charles(.) (H)ow very kind.
When Terry speaks to Charles, she uses his name in both sentences at the end.
Good chapter, Gayle.
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reply by the author on 05-Sep-2012
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No, she doesn't. I didn't find it until I went in to take a shower. It was in her purse, which she'd hung on the back of the chair. Her dress was draped over it. I accidently brushed against it." >>>This section has "it" in it 4 times. Might want to look.
Sheriff Perina leaned back in his chair, tenting his fingers and sighed.>>>I'd go with 'tented' and not 'tenting,' because if you uses tenting, you pretty well have to use sighing too.
Gayle, do they still use police artists? I thought it was computerized these days.
"We're identical twins. She wears blue contacts, >>>that's a repeat from earlier when she says 'she looks like me' and mentions the blue contacts.
"Make copies for all the beat cops for handouts, Patterson>>>to avoid repeating 'for' in that sentence, you might say 'make handout copies for the beat cops'
Lenny nodded at the Sheriff, >>>Lenny's responding to Jim's raised eyebrows, so I'd drop 'at the sheriff'. I have a thing against prepositional phrases. Sneaky darned things! No need to capitalize Sheriff if you decide to leave it the way you have it.
but I picked up the ones with the most amount >>>probably better without 'amount'
"I thought I had a varied career in homicide as an LA detective(.) I thought I'd seen it all, but
eyewitness is one word, not two.
"This is not my first werewolf experience(.) (W)e call them loup garu.
The Sheriff's (sheriff's)car had stopped >>>only use caps when used with a name or as a name
Next week they hosted another wedding(,) and whatever problems >>>I think I'd speak of the restaurant, not 'they'.
She had to satisfy the (s)heriff(,) and right away.
Charles Barberi descended the stairs with a wide smile and a hand stretched toward the (s)heriff.
Don't have to say what Jim, Lenny and Terry had been doing, just that they 'rounded the corner'.
Several more instances of 'sheriff' need to be lower case. You might even want to consider cutting the word when you can. For example, when Charles Barberi talks to the sheriff and you say 'without waiting for a response' you can drop 'from the sheriff' because it isn't needed. It's clear who is being spoken to.
"Thank you, Charles(.) (H)ow very kind.
When Terry speaks to Charles, she uses his name in both sentences at the end.
Good chapter, Gayle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2012
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Sorry it took so long to reply. Remember me telling you last month how I got sick after the Actonel, month prior, too. Well, I took it Monday morning and spent all day Tuesday in the bathroom. The same, only worse. Boy, not that I needed it, but I'll never have chemo. Just couldn't.
Thanks so much for the great comments, I'll go through and adjust!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Writingfundimension
Very well done, Gayle. You've got the sheriff taking them seriously, at least on the surface and that's got to help. Great pacing and excellent supernatural elements. Great reactions, also, to the video. Warmest regards, Bev
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2012
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Very well done, Gayle. You've got the sheriff taking them seriously, at least on the surface and that's got to help. Great pacing and excellent supernatural elements. Great reactions, also, to the video. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment Written 03-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2012
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Hey Bev, well, this is not my usual genre and I gotta tell you, there's tons of info out there about werewolves. So strange! Anyway, I got some choice tidbits to plug in on the second edit!
Thanks so much for the great comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're right about werewolves, Gayle. There's got to be something to all the interest. I look forward to reading more ... soon! Love ya, Bev
