Experiences of Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Father"Metre ... Mixed
28 total reviews
Comment from terry drake
Well if we lat sin consume our soul we cannot find paradise in the after life. Your soul is your ticket to heaven so don't get it stamped or punched before you arrive.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Well if we lat sin consume our soul we cannot find paradise in the after life. Your soul is your ticket to heaven so don't get it stamped or punched before you arrive.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This was a reference to my sin as it appeared to me in a dream...I have been converted to Christianity since.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a poem with an under lining anger theme going through it or maybe I am mistaken but when I read it that's what I got thank you for sharing it is very well written
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This is a poem with an under lining anger theme going through it or maybe I am mistaken but when I read it that's what I got thank you for sharing it is very well written
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Not to worry it is many things to many people but to me this was a very real dream that convinced me of my condition before a Holy God...I soon forgot about it until the next time...
Comment from LilHippie
Whew! I have been away from this site for a month or so, and I come back and you blow me away with this. Fresh life at FanStory. So different, so intense, right up my alley. I love this. The art is intense also. Black and white you chose intensifies this. You are very very good. Boy, I am glad I came back to find you here with this.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Whew! I have been away from this site for a month or so, and I come back and you blow me away with this. Fresh life at FanStory. So different, so intense, right up my alley. I love this. The art is intense also. Black and white you chose intensifies this. You are very very good. Boy, I am glad I came back to find you here with this.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Well dont expect to much to soon there are the usual gems as always but sometimes few and far between...just take care and remember: ...not all is as it seems around these parts...!!!
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Hahahahahahahaha! You and I are going to be good friends. If you like horror, DUH, great. If you're political, well, I love you then. LOL
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Anytime my friend...lol.
Comment from Ekim777
This seems to be a struggle between guilt (fear) and lost innocence; something we bear all our lives. Our fathers symbolize this thing until the day we die. This symbol of the father, somewhat decayed, has a cruel hold on us. We try to elevate to the image of God; He Who Has No Name. Your most disturbing image is; "Cast your teeth upon my soul/Eat and have your fill." How macabre and how perfectly it defines sin. Thomas Wolfe once wrote;"Eating human flesh is nothing but the folly of the soul." Whatever my interpretation, I would hate to share your dreams or memories. Beware my friend of losing sight of life. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This seems to be a struggle between guilt (fear) and lost innocence; something we bear all our lives. Our fathers symbolize this thing until the day we die. This symbol of the father, somewhat decayed, has a cruel hold on us. We try to elevate to the image of God; He Who Has No Name. Your most disturbing image is; "Cast your teeth upon my soul/Eat and have your fill." How macabre and how perfectly it defines sin. Thomas Wolfe once wrote;"Eating human flesh is nothing but the folly of the soul." Whatever my interpretation, I would hate to share your dreams or memories. Beware my friend of losing sight of life. -Ekim777
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Anytime Ekim777, take care my friend.
Comment from Cleo Belle
A powerful poem which had a deep horrific message that seems to want to tear at a person's innermost thoughts. A very dark poem - which was overwhelming at times.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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A powerful poem which had a deep horrific message that seems to want to tear at a person's innermost thoughts. A very dark poem - which was overwhelming at times.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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It certainly was...
Comment from THE FREAK
Will the ever protective, neglectful and even more so, testable father ever be proud with his offspring? Or are we destined to heal before the might word and shadows of precedents gone by, never to ignite the dying flame burnt within the crematorium, for it time to say goodbye to those who die, and start a new chapter, forgotten scales of success to emit your proud name in dedication for all mankind, dying, sacrificing everything to up hold your father's in-scripted words.
Bicpens latest tale annotates the surreal emotions within the average man, portraying themselves as our lord and saviour, for we too are in a mini version of holy living, are an act of a miracle, playing by laws sent by god, keeping true to the set in stone words and polices to clan happiness. Brotherly natured and unselfishness towards your fellow man, even so, if that man is your father, or a man destined to die for our sins!
A marvellous poem worthwhile reading, though from this reviewers prospective (Sorry Bic I have to do this) the formatting and grammar to which eases the readable eye is pressured to restructure the heartfelt poem into a gem. Lack of comma's ill tempos rhythm, and confusion within illusion words, to which repeat!
Sorry mate, but the first section really is hard on the eyes!
All the best
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Will the ever protective, neglectful and even more so, testable father ever be proud with his offspring? Or are we destined to heal before the might word and shadows of precedents gone by, never to ignite the dying flame burnt within the crematorium, for it time to say goodbye to those who die, and start a new chapter, forgotten scales of success to emit your proud name in dedication for all mankind, dying, sacrificing everything to up hold your father's in-scripted words.
Bicpens latest tale annotates the surreal emotions within the average man, portraying themselves as our lord and saviour, for we too are in a mini version of holy living, are an act of a miracle, playing by laws sent by god, keeping true to the set in stone words and polices to clan happiness. Brotherly natured and unselfishness towards your fellow man, even so, if that man is your father, or a man destined to die for our sins!
A marvellous poem worthwhile reading, though from this reviewers prospective (Sorry Bic I have to do this) the formatting and grammar to which eases the readable eye is pressured to restructure the heartfelt poem into a gem. Lack of comma's ill tempos rhythm, and confusion within illusion words, to which repeat!
Sorry mate, but the first section really is hard on the eyes!
All the best
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Hey FREAK check it out now...any improvement...Yea or Nay.
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wow that is a dramatic improvement Bic
though after insignificance, drop down a line and leave the rest.
Brilliant improvement!!!
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That to your approval now, my good man...!!!
...Yea or Nay...
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Triple Yea!!!
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just one other point, I like being finikie sometimes..."mens" bones or "men's" bones
Comment from juliedickson55
Pretty intense and a bit macabre perhaps.
I like the presentation of white letters on black and the image is good too.
I like this
"Do you see I see do you hear I hear"
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Pretty intense and a bit macabre perhaps.
I like the presentation of white letters on black and the image is good too.
I like this
"Do you see I see do you hear I hear"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Much appreciated...
Comment from Meta~Mark
THE LEGEND IS BACK , with vengeance through his quill of WILL and feeling and struggles of faith and emotionally packed message behind this vision and strength!
BRAVO MY BRO!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
|
THE LEGEND IS BACK , with vengeance through his quill of WILL and feeling and struggles of faith and emotionally packed message behind this vision and strength!
BRAVO MY BRO!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I could'nt resist, especially when you an T were still there...a very real experience my friend...a very real experience.
