The Lost Letter
An old letter arrives.46 total reviews
Comment from artemis53
Oh dear, Sandra. I am such an easy target for compositions such as this. It is lovely and I'm pretty drawn into the sweet sadness.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Oh dear, Sandra. I am such an easy target for compositions such as this. It is lovely and I'm pretty drawn into the sweet sadness.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Diane, thank you!! You have given me a wonderful review, I can't thank you enough! I am so very pleased you liked it! Thank you! xsx
Comment from RaymondJohn
You set up some nice echoes. I'm intrigued at how the letter got on her porch. Spare use of dialog, but it is efrfective. A very interesting read. Ray.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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You set up some nice echoes. I'm intrigued at how the letter got on her porch. Spare use of dialog, but it is efrfective. A very interesting read. Ray.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for you lovely review, Ray. I couldn't work out why you wondered why it was on her porch, then I realized, you have post boxes outside, we have then in our front door. It is a gap a little deeper and a little wider than an average size letter. Some people have a wire basket on the inside to catch the letter as the postman pokes it through the hole, others just let it drop onto the floor. Thank you again! xsx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
That is a very sweet story.What a shame her mother never received the letter before she died but ther father was able to tell his daughter how much he loved her from the grave. Wonderful. Nancy
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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That is a very sweet story.What a shame her mother never received the letter before she died but ther father was able to tell his daughter how much he loved her from the grave. Wonderful. Nancy
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Nancy, so very much for you wonderful review! I am so pleased you enjoyed it! Many hugs! :) xsx Sandra.
Comment from mumsyone
Sorry I criticized your run-on sentences without explaining what they are. A run-on sentence is one where the writer goes on and on, without using a break such as a semi-colon or a period, and where the reader doesn't get a chance to "breathe." Run-on sentences should be divided into two, or even three, sentences.
In your 3 run-on sentences (copied below), I have suggested the addition of semi-colons or periods, and some places where new sentences should be started.
I hope this helps; I'll be gone most of the morning, but I'll check in with you when I get back home.
*****
Paragraphs/spacing is much better, but these things still need to be fixed. All I can do is make suggestions for the run-on sentences:
"I can't go to school then.(,)" he declared defiantly.
She remembered the catch in her mother's voice, and Martha had asked if she had received letters from him,(;) sadly, her mother shook her head.
Martha was now crying freely,(. She) she stood up and reached for the kitchen roll, blowing her nose, and then tearing off another to wipe her face.
Angrily, she went to throw the letter into the rubbish bin, but then a strange thing happened,(. She) she felt a hand on her shoulder,(. Startled,) startled, she turned, but there was no one there.
She picked up her butter knife(,) and(,) wiping it on the kitchen roll, she slid it into the letter and slowly sliced it open.
*****
Hi Sandra, I like your story, but it needs some ediitng. Also, you can help reviewers by leaving a space between all paragraphs, dialogue included. The solid text is very hard on the eyes when doing many reviews.
"I can't go to school then.(,)" he declared defiantly.
Three run-on sentences:
She remembered the catch in her mother's voice, and Martha had asked if she had received letters from him, sadly, her mother shook her head.
Martha was now crying freely, she stood up and reached for the kitchen roll, blowing her nose, and then tearing off another to wipe her face.
Angrily, she went to throw the letter into the rubbish bin, but then a strange thing happened, she felt a hand on her shoulder, startled, she turned, but there was no one there.
She picked up her butter knife(,) and(,) wiping it on the kitchen roll, she slid it into the letter and slowly sliced it open.
Please let me know if you make corrections.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Sorry I criticized your run-on sentences without explaining what they are. A run-on sentence is one where the writer goes on and on, without using a break such as a semi-colon or a period, and where the reader doesn't get a chance to "breathe." Run-on sentences should be divided into two, or even three, sentences.
In your 3 run-on sentences (copied below), I have suggested the addition of semi-colons or periods, and some places where new sentences should be started.
I hope this helps; I'll be gone most of the morning, but I'll check in with you when I get back home.
*****
Paragraphs/spacing is much better, but these things still need to be fixed. All I can do is make suggestions for the run-on sentences:
"I can't go to school then.(,)" he declared defiantly.
She remembered the catch in her mother's voice, and Martha had asked if she had received letters from him,(;) sadly, her mother shook her head.
Martha was now crying freely,(. She) she stood up and reached for the kitchen roll, blowing her nose, and then tearing off another to wipe her face.
Angrily, she went to throw the letter into the rubbish bin, but then a strange thing happened,(. She) she felt a hand on her shoulder,(. Startled,) startled, she turned, but there was no one there.
She picked up her butter knife(,) and(,) wiping it on the kitchen roll, she slid it into the letter and slowly sliced it open.
*****
Hi Sandra, I like your story, but it needs some ediitng. Also, you can help reviewers by leaving a space between all paragraphs, dialogue included. The solid text is very hard on the eyes when doing many reviews.
"I can't go to school then.(,)" he declared defiantly.
Three run-on sentences:
She remembered the catch in her mother's voice, and Martha had asked if she had received letters from him, sadly, her mother shook her head.
Martha was now crying freely, she stood up and reached for the kitchen roll, blowing her nose, and then tearing off another to wipe her face.
Angrily, she went to throw the letter into the rubbish bin, but then a strange thing happened, she felt a hand on her shoulder, startled, she turned, but there was no one there.
She picked up her butter knife(,) and(,) wiping it on the kitchen roll, she slid it into the letter and slowly sliced it open.
Please let me know if you make corrections.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for your wonderful helpful review, mumsyone, I have been back in and made the changes, I am not sure if I have done them all right, please would you let me know. I am so grateful to you for taking this time. Sandra. xsx
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I offered further suggestions for the run-on sentences. I can't upgrade the rating as the story stands now. Please let me know if you get it fixed.
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' Back again! You must be losing patience with me, Mumsyone, I will get it right!! Thank you for your support in this, I am really grateful. I have been reading some of the other stories on here, hoping to pick up what you mean by 'run-on' sentences. Shows how thick I am! If you have the time perhaps you could take another look now? Thank you so much. Sandra.
Comment from Curtis Hatch
This is such a heart-warming story and told well. It is a reminder of all the husbands and fathers who went to war and never came home. Without their sacrifices, what kind of world would we live in? Curtis
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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This is such a heart-warming story and told well. It is a reminder of all the husbands and fathers who went to war and never came home. Without their sacrifices, what kind of world would we live in? Curtis
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Curtis, for such a lovely review! It's a shame that many youngsters today don't appreciate what all those young men gave up just so they could have a free life. I am so pleased you liked it, thank you! xsx
Comment from Selestia
What a sweet and tender story. Very good foreshadowing. The reader suspects that the letter is from her father. I like the fact that she feels a hand on her shoulder when she is about to throw the letter away. You capture and keep the reader's attention to the very end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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What a sweet and tender story. Very good foreshadowing. The reader suspects that the letter is from her father. I like the fact that she feels a hand on her shoulder when she is about to throw the letter away. You capture and keep the reader's attention to the very end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Selestia! I am so pleased you enjoyed it!! Thank you. Sandra, xsx
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Hi, Mumsyone, I think I have done it now. I have been reading some more short stories to get a better idea. I feel quite stupid, grammer is a subject I need to get into. Thank you for your continued help. Sandra.
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Went to the wrong one, sorry!! x
