The Lost Letter
An old letter arrives.46 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh my dear woman, if this is any example of what you can do when it's only your second short story, I never want to miss one! This is beautifully written, a very clever and touching plot and a compelling read. (It brought tears to my eyes!) Exceptional!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Oh my dear woman, if this is any example of what you can do when it's only your second short story, I never want to miss one! This is beautifully written, a very clever and touching plot and a compelling read. (It brought tears to my eyes!) Exceptional!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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What a wonderful review, and compliment! Thank you so very much, Dawn, your words have certainly given my confidence a boost! Thank you. :) Sandra.
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Every word gospel Sandra - an excellent short story.
Comment from eborchert
I thought it was a good contest entry and a great effort for only your second story. I read another one of these entries and was shocked by the similar idea here, where someone would discard an unopened letter. At least in your entry, I felt enough emotion to possibly convince me. However, I would bet money, she would stick it in a drawer somewhere, rather than throwing it away. As humans, we just can't avoid curiosity. I left you some notes below.
Good luck and happy writing.
"I told you I needed them today," he whined,(.) "Where are they?"
It took her all her time not to smile.('time'? sp or just a reference I've never heard)
After Roger had left for school, Martha returned to the table and taking a sip of her, now, cooling coffee, picked up the letter again. (Be careful of sentence constructions like these. They are weak. Try to write straightforward: "Roger left for school and Martha returned to the table. She sipped her now cold coffee and picked the letter up again.")
Martha was now crying freely,(.) (S)she stood up and reached for the kitchen roll, blowing her nose, and then tearing off another to wipe her face.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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I thought it was a good contest entry and a great effort for only your second story. I read another one of these entries and was shocked by the similar idea here, where someone would discard an unopened letter. At least in your entry, I felt enough emotion to possibly convince me. However, I would bet money, she would stick it in a drawer somewhere, rather than throwing it away. As humans, we just can't avoid curiosity. I left you some notes below.
Good luck and happy writing.
"I told you I needed them today," he whined,(.) "Where are they?"
It took her all her time not to smile.('time'? sp or just a reference I've never heard)
After Roger had left for school, Martha returned to the table and taking a sip of her, now, cooling coffee, picked up the letter again. (Be careful of sentence constructions like these. They are weak. Try to write straightforward: "Roger left for school and Martha returned to the table. She sipped her now cold coffee and picked the letter up again.")
Martha was now crying freely,(.) (S)she stood up and reached for the kitchen roll, blowing her nose, and then tearing off another to wipe her face.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you, eborchert, for your lovely review and very helpful suggestions. The 'time' reference has been mentioned by another reviewer. It is commonly used in my part of England, but possibly not anywhere else so I will change it. I will have to look at the other entries to that competition.
I originally wrote this for the contest, but when I had finished, I read the rules again and realized my story was not what the contest was about. The letter had to opened early on in the story and then a reaction was required and conclusion. I am writing another in that format, but whether I enter it or not, I have not decided yet. It would look strange, I think, me writing two 'letter' stories. Your other suggestions, yes, I can see what you mean, I will go and change those. Thank you again for this constructive review, I appreciate it a lot! Sandra.
Comment from Cleo Belle
A lovely theme with a heart warming message. I found most of the writing very interesting and easy to follow - the only comment I would make is that the paragraphs relating to the boy and his shorts did not help the story at all; there was nothing in that bit which could link to the main theme of a lost letter, delivered after many years, and the impact it would have had to her mother. Lovely though. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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A lovely theme with a heart warming message. I found most of the writing very interesting and easy to follow - the only comment I would make is that the paragraphs relating to the boy and his shorts did not help the story at all; there was nothing in that bit which could link to the main theme of a lost letter, delivered after many years, and the impact it would have had to her mother. Lovely though. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your kind review,Cleo, I am pleased you liked it. Sandra.
Comment from ennahanid
So this is super and you do understand that being such a SPAG dunce I cannot offer any help whatsoever on such issues. I loved the going back and forth between Mother and son. It crossed my mind if she took the shorts out of the ironing basket, she must have already washed them in spite of threatening him to wear them dirty - typical Mum there made me smile. I thoroughly enjoyed being entertained by you this morning - thanks so much - Dinah
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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So this is super and you do understand that being such a SPAG dunce I cannot offer any help whatsoever on such issues. I loved the going back and forth between Mother and son. It crossed my mind if she took the shorts out of the ironing basket, she must have already washed them in spite of threatening him to wear them dirty - typical Mum there made me smile. I thoroughly enjoyed being entertained by you this morning - thanks so much - Dinah
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Dinah! I took that scene from a lesson I 'tried' to give my sons, didn't work though, they knew me too well! Don't worry about the SPAG, I have loads of help in that corner, I am more of a dunce than you! I didn't know how bad I was till I joined FS! I am really pleased you enjoyed it though, thank you! Sandra.
Comment from humpwhistle
Sandramitchell, I made some notes as I was reading, but before I relase those, I want you to know I like you story. Especially the pace. I really liked the 'shorts' interruption. I think there is another story right there.
My concerns have to do with complex sentence structures that result in the use of more words than you really need.
Also, please be careful in your use of pronouns. They can be very confusing to your reader. Simplify your sentences.
Just my opinion.
Peace, Lee
It took her all her time not to smile--Is this an adage with which I'm not familiar?
She stood and went over to her ironing basket and took out the offending shorts.--Maybe this sentence could be simplified: 'She went to her ironing basket and found the offending shorts.' Just a thought.
Her mother lived for her daughter and brought her up telling her the most wonderful stories of her father.--five 'her' in one sentence. Maybe something like: Her mother had told so many wonderful stories about Father.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Sandramitchell, I made some notes as I was reading, but before I relase those, I want you to know I like you story. Especially the pace. I really liked the 'shorts' interruption. I think there is another story right there.
My concerns have to do with complex sentence structures that result in the use of more words than you really need.
Also, please be careful in your use of pronouns. They can be very confusing to your reader. Simplify your sentences.
Just my opinion.
Peace, Lee
It took her all her time not to smile--Is this an adage with which I'm not familiar?
She stood and went over to her ironing basket and took out the offending shorts.--Maybe this sentence could be simplified: 'She went to her ironing basket and found the offending shorts.' Just a thought.
Her mother lived for her daughter and brought her up telling her the most wonderful stories of her father.--five 'her' in one sentence. Maybe something like: Her mother had told so many wonderful stories about Father.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Hello, Lee, thank you for your really thoughtful and helpful review. The first thing, 'It took her all her time not to smile... I really have not given it much thought, its an expression they use in my part of England, Suffolk, I was brought up with it so never really asked bout it. But now you have mentioned it, it sounds strange! The ironing basket with the shorts, yes, I could change that and it would sound sharper, and then the last thing, all those hers' goodness, I never noticed that, I will certainly be looking to change that! Thank you!
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Hello, Lee, thank you for your really thoughtful and helpful review. The first thing, 'It took her all her time not to smile... I really have not given it much thought, its an expression they use in my part of England, Suffolk, I was brought up with it so never really asked bout it. But now you have mentioned it, it sounds strange! The ironing basket with the shorts, yes, I could change that and it would sound sharper, and then the last thing, all those hers' goodness, I never noticed that, I will certainly be looking to change that! Thank you! Thank you also for taking the time to review this in this very helpful and constructive way, I really appreciate your comments and will certainly act on them. I am pleased you did enjoy the story though. Thank you! Sandra. xsx
Comment from Grammies
Such a lovely story and your words painted a picture of the boy preparing for school and the banter about the shorts. No obvious errors found. This is well done.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Such a lovely story and your words painted a picture of the boy preparing for school and the banter about the shorts. No obvious errors found. This is well done.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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aww, thank you so much for this lovely review, Grammies, I really appreciate your comments, and I am so pleased you enjoyed it. Sandra. xsx
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Sandra, this was a huge surprise for me to find in my messages. You, my friend, have such a great and wide ranging talent. This site will not let me give you a six. This is a shame because it is worth more.
To have a father that you never got to know is a sad story in itself. Then years later, after the mother has passed, a letter shows up. A letter that confirms what the mother has said for all those years. Your father was a good and brave man fighting in a war that took his life. A life filled with love for his wife and especially little Martha.
This is so very well written and a very enjoyable read. Way to go my friend,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Sandra, this was a huge surprise for me to find in my messages. You, my friend, have such a great and wide ranging talent. This site will not let me give you a six. This is a shame because it is worth more.
To have a father that you never got to know is a sad story in itself. Then years later, after the mother has passed, a letter shows up. A letter that confirms what the mother has said for all those years. Your father was a good and brave man fighting in a war that took his life. A life filled with love for his wife and especially little Martha.
This is so very well written and a very enjoyable read. Way to go my friend,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Jim,how wonderful! You always put a smile on my face, thank you for this wonderful review! This is only the second little story I've written, and I wrote this for a prompt contest and when I'd finished it I found out it wasn't what they had asked for! I must say, I have be very surprised at the reviews I have received for it. But yours is worth more than any 6 any day of the week, thank you my dear friend. How are Cody and Alex doing?
Sandra. xsx
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
This sounds exactly like a mother and son
After, Roger had left - drop the comma
After Roger had left for school; - change semicolon to comma
You depict her reaction to the letter well as she is conflicted about opening it and wondering what it could hold
What a wonderfully poignant ending :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Excellent use of natural-sounding dialogue
This sounds exactly like a mother and son
After, Roger had left - drop the comma
After Roger had left for school; - change semicolon to comma
You depict her reaction to the letter well as she is conflicted about opening it and wondering what it could hold
What a wonderfully poignant ending :-) Brooke
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you so very much, Brooke, for your lovely review and for the help! I will change those straight away, thank you! xsx
Comment from Hollyhock
I think this is a lovely short story. I have read similar before, but this is sweet and simple and rings true.
I enjoyed the little exchange between mother and son because that made everything real, characters we could all identify with.
Martha's reaction to the letter was very understandable and the "hand on her shoulder" was a nice touch. It was all the more acceptable because you had already made her so "normal", without any weird or wonderful psychic overtones.
Very enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I think this is a lovely short story. I have read similar before, but this is sweet and simple and rings true.
I enjoyed the little exchange between mother and son because that made everything real, characters we could all identify with.
Martha's reaction to the letter was very understandable and the "hand on her shoulder" was a nice touch. It was all the more acceptable because you had already made her so "normal", without any weird or wonderful psychic overtones.
Very enjoyable read.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much, Andrea! What a lovely review, I am really pleased you enjoyed it, thank you! Sandra. xsx
Comment from Shirley McLain
A very well written, touching story. Your character is strong and the story line is excellent. Once I started reading I couldn't stop. Great job.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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A very well written, touching story. Your character is strong and the story line is excellent. Once I started reading I couldn't stop. Great job.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much!! I am really pleased you enjoyed this story, thank you for reading it. xsx
