The Lost Letter
An old letter arrives.46 total reviews
Comment from visionary1234
Well if this is only your second short story you're doing AWFULLY well Sandy! My only suggestion would be the possibility that the little boy's football shorts etc served as a bit of a distraction/red herring, where you could possibly have been working up our curiosity with a little more about the letter. Just a thought!
:) Sharyn
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Well if this is only your second short story you're doing AWFULLY well Sandy! My only suggestion would be the possibility that the little boy's football shorts etc served as a bit of a distraction/red herring, where you could possibly have been working up our curiosity with a little more about the letter. Just a thought!
:) Sharyn
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much, Sharyn, for your really lovely review. You are not the only one who thinks the 'shorts' scene, a bit of a distraction. These reviews I have recieved have been so helpful in that they will help me improve, (hopefully) on future short stories. :) Sandra.
Comment from Briana Hernandez
What a touching short story. I liked how there wasn't much said about Martha's parents, but it felt like I still knew their story, as well as Martha's. I myself grew up without a father and I can relate to Marhta's character in terms of what it feels like to be one of the only kids in class (or in the family, even) with one parent. You're off to a good start (you wrote that this is only you're second short story).
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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What a touching short story. I liked how there wasn't much said about Martha's parents, but it felt like I still knew their story, as well as Martha's. I myself grew up without a father and I can relate to Marhta's character in terms of what it feels like to be one of the only kids in class (or in the family, even) with one parent. You're off to a good start (you wrote that this is only you're second short story).
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, shortfictionwriter! I am so pleased you liked my story. My sons grew up without a father also, he died when they were very young, so I understand how upsetting it is not to have a father around. Yes, this is only my second short story, I normally write poetry stories for children and some short poems. This was just a trial for me to see how it would be received. I have had lots of adice and suggestions, so I might try some more. Welcome to the site, I am sorry for all those messages in your profile page, please delete them, this laptop will be going out the window soon! :)Sandra.
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You're welcome. I really did like it. I'm so sorry about your sons, it can be tough without a father figure around, especially with boys. I would love to read some of your poetry in the future, but I think you should also write more short stories as well, you have a knack for it :) Thanks for the welcome, and I hope to upload some of my own stories soon, and I didn't get a chance to log on yesterday, so that's why I have so many messages :P
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Whoops, I misunderstood that last bit, I thought you meant that I had a lot of replies to sort out (silly me), not messages (I'm still gettting the hang of things), I hadn't checked my profile before I read this. Anyway, I'll delete the extra two, and I understand how weird a laptop can be sometimes :)
Later!
Comment from Heaven Bound
Very well done. The writing is good, and the ease with which we can follow is excellent. The hint of mystery encourages us to stay with you through the story.
I have only 2 very minor comments/suggestions. First, in the paragraph beginning with "After Roger had left...", in that sentence, you have "a sip of her, now, cold coffee..." To me, the appropriate grammar would be "a sip of her now-cold coffee", thus eliminating the breaks. The second comment is that the next to last paragraph/line needs to have a period at the end. (I told you they were very minor).
Keep up the good work; I want to read some more.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Very well done. The writing is good, and the ease with which we can follow is excellent. The hint of mystery encourages us to stay with you through the story.
I have only 2 very minor comments/suggestions. First, in the paragraph beginning with "After Roger had left...", in that sentence, you have "a sip of her, now, cold coffee..." To me, the appropriate grammar would be "a sip of her now-cold coffee", thus eliminating the breaks. The second comment is that the next to last paragraph/line needs to have a period at the end. (I told you they were very minor).
Keep up the good work; I want to read some more.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you for your wonderful review, Heaven Bound! I am so very pleased you liked this attempt at a short story, and I will go and make those changes you have most kindly suggested. Thank you! xsx
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very nice tale of lasting love. I half expected the letter to have come "from the beyond"... but it was just very late in arriving from the war.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Very nice tale of lasting love. I half expected the letter to have come "from the beyond"... but it was just very late in arriving from the war.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much, Phyllis for this lovely review! I think in hindsight I should have tightened the story and put a bit more detail in about the length of time the letter took to arrive, I have had many reviews with different ideas on this story and everyone I will take on board. I like your idea of a letter "from the beyond" An interesting thought!! :)Sandra.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, sandra, you did a great job writing this story about the woman who had a visit from the past and a word from a father she never knew, i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, sandra, you did a great job writing this story about the woman who had a visit from the past and a word from a father she never knew, i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you, sweetwoodjax, for your lovely review. It's not in the contest, I didn't read the plot right! I only found out when I'd finished it, lol, that's me though, always getting it wrong! Thank you again! Sandra.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Sandra, you write your way into your story. The sequence with Roger is irrelevant to what you're trying to tell. Remember a story has a conflict, climax and resolution. The conflict is whether or not she'll read the letter, the climax is when she opens it and reads. The resolution is the discovery that her father did write to her mother, and he did love Martha. And Martha is changed by that knowledge. She realizes her father's love. I'd cut out everything else and dwell on Martha's emotional journey through this incident. That's the heart of your story. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Sandra, you write your way into your story. The sequence with Roger is irrelevant to what you're trying to tell. Remember a story has a conflict, climax and resolution. The conflict is whether or not she'll read the letter, the climax is when she opens it and reads. The resolution is the discovery that her father did write to her mother, and he did love Martha. And Martha is changed by that knowledge. She realizes her father's love. I'd cut out everything else and dwell on Martha's emotional journey through this incident. That's the heart of your story. :) Nancy
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you, Nancy for your very helpful review. I am so new to writing short stories! I find my squirrels, mice and rats in my Hedgerow village more in my line, but I will get this hang of these. If everyone can put up with one or two learning ones!!!! It's not so easy is it! Thank you for your good advice, I will take all help on board. Sandra.
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You write 'em, I'll try to help with the rough spots, Sandra. It was an excellent first write. :) Nancy
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aww thank you!! Sx
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write with imagery and needs no edit. The story is well written and has a good descriptive text and it ix easy to read. I enjoyed reading it thanks for sharing. Mary
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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A good write with imagery and needs no edit. The story is well written and has a good descriptive text and it ix easy to read. I enjoyed reading it thanks for sharing. Mary
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much, Mary, for this lovely review, I am really so pleased you enjoyed it! Sandra.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Hello my friend I don't usually read long writing but when I say it was you I though I would read this is indeed well written and a sad but beautiful story you have done very well I enjoyed well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hello my friend I don't usually read long writing but when I say it was you I though I would read this is indeed well written and a sad but beautiful story you have done very well I enjoyed well done regards Jill
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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That is so nice of you, Jill, I am so pleased you liked it. It's only the second one I've written, so I was a bit nervous. Thank you for reading it, I do appreciate you sticking with it. Sandra. x
Comment from wordsfromsue
Sandra, I thought the mystery of the letter and the curiosity played out by Martha were wonderful.
Here's where who your reader is, makes such a difference.... me, being the mistrusting cynic that I am, was sure Martha's mother had made up all those things just to give Martha nice memories, that she'd been dumped and left as a single mom. The letter was going to confirm that, in my mind. Lord, I'm so jaded.
I'm also in the absolute minority here.... I'd have liked a little bit of reaction from Martha after she read the letter. She's finally 'met' her dad. She must've cried tears over finally getting a tangible piece of him to physically hold. What a gift from beyond.
Lovely, nostalgic piece! You write short stories really well. :-)
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Sandra, I thought the mystery of the letter and the curiosity played out by Martha were wonderful.
Here's where who your reader is, makes such a difference.... me, being the mistrusting cynic that I am, was sure Martha's mother had made up all those things just to give Martha nice memories, that she'd been dumped and left as a single mom. The letter was going to confirm that, in my mind. Lord, I'm so jaded.
I'm also in the absolute minority here.... I'd have liked a little bit of reaction from Martha after she read the letter. She's finally 'met' her dad. She must've cried tears over finally getting a tangible piece of him to physically hold. What a gift from beyond.
Lovely, nostalgic piece! You write short stories really well. :-)
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Hi Sue, just tried to call you, you were busy, (reviewing me????) I wrote this one for a contest, only 1000 words, when I'd finished it, I went to read the rules again, and found I'd got it totally wrong!! There you go, can't get to my age without making a little blunder or ten!! Thank you Sue, for your great review, I'm glad you liked it. I suppose seeing it didn't go into the contest I could have added more. I'm writing another that I might, MIGHT put in! I hope you are rested now? It's about time we had another eye to eye chat!! I'm in all week end, can't afford to go out now, woke up this morning to find our fridge freezer decided to pack up in the night, very considerate of it. Another 600 euros down the pan! Thank you again for your review, and a mega, mega thank you for the 6 stars!!! Is your writing head on yet? Speak soon. XXX Sandra
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I'm not on the computer. That's my son playing Minecraft. I was reading/reviewing on my phone.
No, honestly, the writing is more remote than ever. I tried reading some of my pieces last night. They seemed like someone else's writing. I couldn't imagine how I wrote them. It's like my writing side is in ashes at the moment. Well and truly burned out.
Maybe it'll come back some day. Maybe not.
I'll write you a letter this weekend.
You're welcome for the six!
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Yes, please write, I don't want to lose your friendship now I have found it! It's lovely talking. Your stories will come back, you are too good at writing to stop now. I will keep writing and bullying you till you do, that's what friends are for! I will keep a look out for your letter! Sandra. xsx
Comment from fayesh
Your story of parental love in a time of war is poignant and well written. I like the way you lead up to the reading of the letter. The letter was really for the daughter.
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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Your story of parental love in a time of war is poignant and well written. I like the way you lead up to the reading of the letter. The letter was really for the daughter.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2012
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I am so pleased you understood that the letter was really for her!! Thank you so much for this lovely review, Fayesh, I appreciate your words a lot, thank you! xsx
