Secrets
A secret from someone you love is the same as lying to them.3 total reviews
Comment from LateBloomer
hello kernssca,
i enjoyed reading "Secrets," an intriguing title and thought provoking poem. good format and syllable count.
personally, i feel your last line is more of a warning than a question vs. e.g. "Did you have to lie?" just a few humble thoughts for which i have deducted no points. as this is a contest entry, i wish you good luck. LateBloomer
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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hello kernssca,
i enjoyed reading "Secrets," an intriguing title and thought provoking poem. good format and syllable count.
personally, i feel your last line is more of a warning than a question vs. e.g. "Did you have to lie?" just a few humble thoughts for which i have deducted no points. as this is a contest entry, i wish you good luck. LateBloomer
Comment Written 12-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the reply, I have gotten some feedback about that line. Originally I wrote it as more of a warning, but as I thought about it, it became more of a question (a rhetorical question at that)to the other individual involved because they felt like the secret was not the same as a lie.
Comment from EMB
Now this is what I call a haiku that does all it's supposed to do. It follows the syllable count and makes perfect sense at the same time. (Although, I don't think the last stanza should have a question mark.)
Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Now this is what I call a haiku that does all it's supposed to do. It follows the syllable count and makes perfect sense at the same time. (Although, I don't think the last stanza should have a question mark.)
Well done.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Yeah the question mark was an after thought, it is to clarify that the person I am speaking to does not feel that keeping a secret was the same as lying to me. But it was originally meant as a statement and judging from the feedback maybe I should have stuck with my gut.
Comment from writesinsonnets
this is a powerful poem in three short lines, I enjoyed reading it and I wish good luck in the contest
You take what you want
and then hide it all away
Don't you lie to me?...not sure you want a question mark here
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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this is a powerful poem in three short lines, I enjoyed reading it and I wish good luck in the contest
You take what you want
and then hide it all away
Don't you lie to me?...not sure you want a question mark here
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2012
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Yeah the question mark was an after thought, it is to clarify that the person I am speaking to does not feel that keeping a secret was the same as lying to me. But it was originally meant as a statement and judging from the feedback maybe I should have stuck with my gut.
