No Such Luck
Revision of an earlier poem145 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, justin, you did a great job writing this free verse poem about luck and superstitions falling away but faith will remain constant and true.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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this is very well written, justin, you did a great job writing this free verse poem about luck and superstitions falling away but faith will remain constant and true.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Jax.
Comment from rashi kumar
I don't believe in things which are supposed to IMPROVE luck!
Its bullshit. God is such a huge entity that cannot be lured by a hanging charm to bless anyone with ultimate happiness.
A very well-written poem indeed!
Good thoughts!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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I don't believe in things which are supposed to IMPROVE luck!
Its bullshit. God is such a huge entity that cannot be lured by a hanging charm to bless anyone with ultimate happiness.
A very well-written poem indeed!
Good thoughts!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Rashi.
Comment from jaydub99
Interesting piece. First off I didn't care for the red background. It gave the piece an intensity that didn't match the writing. Your rhyme cadence was off and seemed a little scattered. Several good alliterative and assonance examples and your wording choices painted a picture (especially in your third stanza. My favorite.)I liked the overall feel although it may distance you from some readers. Clear it is an expression of how you feel which I totally respect. Thanks for posting.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Interesting piece. First off I didn't care for the red background. It gave the piece an intensity that didn't match the writing. Your rhyme cadence was off and seemed a little scattered. Several good alliterative and assonance examples and your wording choices painted a picture (especially in your third stanza. My favorite.)I liked the overall feel although it may distance you from some readers. Clear it is an expression of how you feel which I totally respect. Thanks for posting.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your advice Jay.
Comment from Meta~Mark
Justin some suggestions below:
1st stanza-
Into a world "where" old fables and folktales "that" aren't true. <---add where and remove that
you lose your rhyme patter in the second, third & forth stanzas
2nd--All of these old world things you take to be "facts", where is the tie in rhyme with facts?
3rd--And pay no attention to what the Irish or the fortune tellers "say"..."day" is 4 lines down whereas life and strife and scene and green are also out of sync from the first stanza pattern?
4th--Then psyche...and Mighty? you lose your rhyme scheme again..
the poem has disjuncture and cadence is all over the place in every stanza, try to tighten that up with a steady consistent rhyme pattern in couplets or quatrains or just go free verse.
Thanks for sharing and let me know if you made changes pal to adjust your score, keep em coming!!!
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Justin some suggestions below:
1st stanza-
Into a world "where" old fables and folktales "that" aren't true. <---add where and remove that
you lose your rhyme patter in the second, third & forth stanzas
2nd--All of these old world things you take to be "facts", where is the tie in rhyme with facts?
3rd--And pay no attention to what the Irish or the fortune tellers "say"..."day" is 4 lines down whereas life and strife and scene and green are also out of sync from the first stanza pattern?
4th--Then psyche...and Mighty? you lose your rhyme scheme again..
the poem has disjuncture and cadence is all over the place in every stanza, try to tighten that up with a steady consistent rhyme pattern in couplets or quatrains or just go free verse.
Thanks for sharing and let me know if you made changes pal to adjust your score, keep em coming!!!
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your suggestions Mark
Comment from christianpowers
Hi Justin,
Very well expressed sentiment, and in a poem no less. I enjoyed the read. Even though it felt 'a bit' preachy near the end, I agreed with the premise, and was amused.
When I say 'a bit' preachy I do mean just a tad... I'm not being sarcastic. It wasn't bible thumping by any means.
Like I said to begin with, a very well expressed sentiment.
In parting, I'd just like to wish you luck in your writing. LOL
Christian
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Hi Justin,
Very well expressed sentiment, and in a poem no less. I enjoyed the read. Even though it felt 'a bit' preachy near the end, I agreed with the premise, and was amused.
When I say 'a bit' preachy I do mean just a tad... I'm not being sarcastic. It wasn't bible thumping by any means.
Like I said to begin with, a very well expressed sentiment.
In parting, I'd just like to wish you luck in your writing. LOL
Christian
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Christian.
Comment from sunnilicious
Pessimistic little poem. The lord is mighty, but we are given a mind to think for ourselves. I appreciate you sharing your perspective views about religious belief(s). Well thought out. Nicely written. Peace be with you.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Pessimistic little poem. The lord is mighty, but we are given a mind to think for ourselves. I appreciate you sharing your perspective views about religious belief(s). Well thought out. Nicely written. Peace be with you.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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And you too Sunni. Thank you for your review.
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u're welcome :)
glitter-graphics.com
Comment from amada
Your poem is very good because you let your heart go and speak what is going in your heart. I truly believe as well that luck is a lucky accident. It all depends on us.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Your poem is very good because you let your heart go and speak what is going in your heart. I truly believe as well that luck is a lucky accident. It all depends on us.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Amada.
Comment from nomi338
Right you are. To be hooked on rituals and superstitions is to make your self a slave. As a descendant of slaves I have no desire to slave for anyone or anything but God. I don't mind slaving for Him because He is my creator and he He has already stated that His yoke is kind and easy.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Right you are. To be hooked on rituals and superstitions is to make your self a slave. As a descendant of slaves I have no desire to slave for anyone or anything but God. I don't mind slaving for Him because He is my creator and he He has already stated that His yoke is kind and easy.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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You nailed the theme of the poem Nomi. Thank you for the review.
Comment from artemis53
You're poem is well done and you have presented your case very strongly since it is a core belief of yours. You've imparted this to the readers well.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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You're poem is well done and you have presented your case very strongly since it is a core belief of yours. You've imparted this to the readers well.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you Artemis.
Comment from Cobalt Blue
Well, I just find it a little funny when someone criticizes someone for believing in luck and superstition, then tells them to believe in a book of fairy tales where someone walks on water and changes water into wine. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. There is something missing in your 5th line. It really doesn't click the way you have it.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Well, I just find it a little funny when someone criticizes someone for believing in luck and superstition, then tells them to believe in a book of fairy tales where someone walks on water and changes water into wine. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. There is something missing in your 5th line. It really doesn't click the way you have it.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your advice Cobalt.
