Fear on the Bayou
Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R19 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
I enjoyed this story very much! I am now working on the one in my kobo. Terry's husband is not a nice guy. Can't wait to find out what happens in that story.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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I enjoyed this story very much! I am now working on the one in my kobo. Terry's husband is not a nice guy. Can't wait to find out what happens in that story.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Hey Joy, a sixer. Gosh, that's so pretty! Thank you so much for your support and kind words throughout this book. I can't thank you enough!
Ooh, Secret Lives. Yes, Bob. Oh, you're going to love that one. Where did you get it? Off the net? Wow, how cool is that. Such an interesting happening. I always wrote YA horse books, but then, someone here, Terry - Lady Lawyer, issued a challenge. She started a multi-author novel called Death Gets Its Kicks. She wanted purple prose, we were to "out Spillane Spillane" and it was a blast. Well, I hopped aboard, got a taste for mystery stuff, and the next thing you know, Secret Lives.
Expect a pm.
Hugs and again, thank you so much for the great rating,
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
the sixer is actually for the whole book :)
love the ending with just the sheriff savouring a steak and thinking over the case!
glad the dogs are going to be okay.... but tony will have to retire i think - maybe tony and amy can have puppies?? lol ;)
great work! can't wait ot hold it in my hands and see what you've added and changed!! thanx for shairng :-)
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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the sixer is actually for the whole book :)
love the ending with just the sheriff savouring a steak and thinking over the case!
glad the dogs are going to be okay.... but tony will have to retire i think - maybe tony and amy can have puppies?? lol ;)
great work! can't wait ot hold it in my hands and see what you've added and changed!! thanx for shairng :-)
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Oh, my God, a sixer. Coming from you, Caly Gyrl, that's doubly impressive. You don't do that much! Thanks.
Oh, yes, we ended almost right at the beginning. First thing will be a name change, and then we're off. I won't be around much for a while. I'd like to get this done by Christmas, so it'll be pedal to the metal.
Hey Shel, you sweet thing, thanks a bunch!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from nor84
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
You've shown that Amy is in dire straits, no need to add the phrase.
Shit, man, thems (them's=them is) Federal crimes, prison
I guess I have to say more to get past the Fanstory witch, but this ought to do it. Nothing else to critique.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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You've shown that Amy is in dire straits, no need to add the phrase.
Shit, man, thems (them's=them is) Federal crimes, prison
I guess I have to say more to get past the Fanstory witch, but this ought to do it. Nothing else to critique.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Hey Sis, lol. I got another one. 14. Man. I'm going to tear into this one so I might be scarce for a while, cause I'd love to get this out in time for Christmas.
I did that "dire straits" sort of as a teehee. The song I quoted is by a band called Dire Straits and OMG, I never said that! Must fix!
Hugs,
Gayle
Anyway, yes, them's. Thank you so much for all your help with this book. You are so appreciated.
Comment from Stalking Wolf
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
Great ending for a great story. Justice has been served and the dogs will be alright. Like the part at the end with the wolves howling. This could lead to another story.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Great ending for a great story. Justice has been served and the dogs will be alright. Like the part at the end with the wolves howling. This could lead to another story.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Hey SW, it very well could! I've had a couple of ideas, but this is why I have to get off FS and into the editing cave! Nothing will get published!
Thank you so much for the great sixer and for sticking with me on this one for the duration.
Hug,
Gayle
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know the feeling, it was a great read. See you when you get back.
Comment from jjstar
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I WAS SAVING A SIX FOR THE LAST CHAPTER!!!! DAMN SAM!!!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT! YES, I'M YELLING!:)
The only thing I had a slight question about was the switch to the italicized paragraph about Ella counting money..flash back, I'm assuming. You might want to try to tie it in for reviewers less sophisticated than me...hahahahahahahahahaha
I was also thinking the sheriff might want to stop by and say something to Ella, Terry, Jim and Lenny.
"Son of a bitch, oh man. Ops 3, STAT!"==great reaction!
The dog groaned once and lay still.===not good..Amy must be saved!
Amy stood next to Ella's knee, doing the two-step in anticipation.==I remember those days with our Springer.
Ames? Hollywood Nights? No? Ohh, how about Stairway?==so fun!
merged with keening cries like a mother who's lost her baby.===oooohhhh ewwww...what a description!!!!!
Charles had aged a decade or two in the last hour, every line and sorrow of the last week etched forever in his face.===oohhh excellent!!!!
Everyone knew, the only way to kill a werewolf is with a silver bullet.
===AWESOME ENDING..LOVE THE WHOLE EATING THE STEAK, LISTENING TO THE WOLVES!
WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I WAS SAVING A SIX FOR THE LAST CHAPTER!!!! DAMN SAM!!!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT! YES, I'M YELLING!:)
The only thing I had a slight question about was the switch to the italicized paragraph about Ella counting money..flash back, I'm assuming. You might want to try to tie it in for reviewers less sophisticated than me...hahahahahahahahahaha
I was also thinking the sheriff might want to stop by and say something to Ella, Terry, Jim and Lenny.
"Son of a bitch, oh man. Ops 3, STAT!"==great reaction!
The dog groaned once and lay still.===not good..Amy must be saved!
Amy stood next to Ella's knee, doing the two-step in anticipation.==I remember those days with our Springer.
Ames? Hollywood Nights? No? Ohh, how about Stairway?==so fun!
merged with keening cries like a mother who's lost her baby.===oooohhhh ewwww...what a description!!!!!
Charles had aged a decade or two in the last hour, every line and sorrow of the last week etched forever in his face.===oohhh excellent!!!!
Everyone knew, the only way to kill a werewolf is with a silver bullet.
===AWESOME ENDING..LOVE THE WHOLE EATING THE STEAK, LISTENING TO THE WOLVES!
WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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I'll take the virtual sixer! Not to worry. Your words and enjoyment, beats a sixer any day. I love your reviews, Jessica, especially because you seem to zero in on all the things I'm wondering about!
Yes, that little flashback - you'll get the first taste of that in Secret Lives, lol, I did it in italics on FS but I'm not sure I won't do something like: staring down at Amy, memories flooded Ella's mind... something like that. Not sure.
Now, my other friend who reviews like you do, Becca, she mentioned that I'd done the bullet thing twice - maybe not verbatim, but very close. Did that bug you? I wanted it as sort of a continuum ... hmm, will fix. You'll love it when I'm done.
Thanks for being such a great friend!
Hugs,
Gayle
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bullet thing? Do you mean the bold faced ..I just didn't understand it. I wondered why it was there..lol.
Awwwww...thank you. You are such an inspiration for both of us! :)
Comment from Norbanus
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
A silver bullet, eh? Werewolf traditions open all sorts of complications, such as, How does this effect Tony and Amy. And. What happened to the body that the gator ate? Your writting gets smoother and more concise with every chapter. Way to go!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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A silver bullet, eh? Werewolf traditions open all sorts of complications, such as, How does this effect Tony and Amy. And. What happened to the body that the gator ate? Your writting gets smoother and more concise with every chapter. Way to go!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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lol, Freddie, I don't know much about werewolves, but the silver bullet has made the rounds. Now, when a werewolf bites a person, that's how they turn, right? lol, I could do a sequel where Amy and Tony turn into, what? Nah, I've already stretched Norma's suspension of disbelief to the breaking point! And what do other werewolves do when they 'die' and come back. I truly don't know.
More research is in order! Oh, joy!
So glad you liked this one, Freddie. I'm dedicating it to you!
Hugs,
Annabelle
Comment from c_lucas
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
A very fitting end to your story. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. The six stars are for a very good job.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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A very fitting end to your story. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. The six stars are for a very good job.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Hey Charlie, thanks for the sixer. I'm glad you enjoyed this one! Kind of a departure for me, but it was sure fun!
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Gr8ful
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
I think you have a good story line with lots of movement. The only thing I notice is at times you tell more than you show. For example you wrote: Ella started to cry as she watched the men settle Amy on the stretcher. (seems more like telling than showing) Here's an example: All control lost, Ella's emotions erupted in sobs and moans as Amy lay motionless on the stretcher. That seems to paint a picture a bit more. Of course, that's just my humble opinion, and I think you are doing a good job otherwise.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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I think you have a good story line with lots of movement. The only thing I notice is at times you tell more than you show. For example you wrote: Ella started to cry as she watched the men settle Amy on the stretcher. (seems more like telling than showing) Here's an example: All control lost, Ella's emotions erupted in sobs and moans as Amy lay motionless on the stretcher. That seems to paint a picture a bit more. Of course, that's just my humble opinion, and I think you are doing a good job otherwise.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Hi and thank you so much for the fine review and comments. I will certainly take your suggestions into consideration.
Best,
Gayle
Comment from Allezw2
Rating of Chapter 25 - Silver Bullet
Lady Gayle,
Uh, huh! Another left hanging from a low branch.
Nicely done,
Wayne
For your consideration, or not:
- them[']s Federal crimes
It may be down south, redneck talk, however, it's still a contraction of two words.
- prison time an['] lots of it
Same response, except here, it is the missing letter. (Sometimes just 'n, as in ". . . time 'n . . .")
- along with utinsels,
Flipped the [i] and the [e].
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Lady Gayle,
Uh, huh! Another left hanging from a low branch.
Nicely done,
Wayne
For your consideration, or not:
- them[']s Federal crimes
It may be down south, redneck talk, however, it's still a contraction of two words.
- prison time an['] lots of it
Same response, except here, it is the missing letter. (Sometimes just 'n, as in ". . . time 'n . . .")
- along with utinsels,
Flipped the [i] and the [e].
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Hey Wayne, how's trix? Always so good to see you and as always, the eagle eye's aworkin'! Them's, absolutely!
I'm now retiring to the editing cave where I'll probably add another 20K words to this one. I want to get it out for Christmas so I'm going to be busy!
Thanks again,
Hugs,
Gayle
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It's hard to imagine how many thousands of words I ran off on typewriters. I still have my Underwood portable from 1954 I carried all over the Pacific. I had it completely refurbished in 1967 and bring it out occasionally. I have a pair of ribbons still sealed in their cellophane bags when this one installed fails to transfer.
Talk about a blacksmith's touch. The kids were mystified by having to manually return the carriage.
Key on!
Comment from Allezw2
Rating of Chapter 24 - Attack!
Lady Gayle,
Quite a scene with the gator skulking about and then making life difficult for the two dogs. Nice action descriptives, too. Remember a news story of a few years ago. Some kids in Florida were catching pets and tossing them off a bridge over a golf course pond. They were watching the resident alligator snapping up the live food the kids tossed into the water. The cops caught them when too many local dogs and cats went awol.
Nicely done,
Wayne
For your consideration, or not:
- Ella pause(d) before swallowing
- A boat [trolled] up the river,
Word choice makes it seem as though they are fishing, trolling for catfish, etc.! If it's an outboard two-stroke, then it would buzz. A four-stroke would have a distinctive beat whether one-two, three, four, five, six, or eight cylinders. A two-stroke outboard would seem most likely. (Neither VW, Audi, or Mercedes has marineized their respective five cylinder engines, yet. A V8 would be rapidly noticed. If it's an inboard, there would be a put-put if a single cylinder, or a 180 crank twin would have a putput-putput, like the old John Deere Twins. If they are poling a pirogue, or sculling a john boat, there would be no noise. Therefore, I believe another word, other than sculled, would better set the tone of the story.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Lady Gayle,
Quite a scene with the gator skulking about and then making life difficult for the two dogs. Nice action descriptives, too. Remember a news story of a few years ago. Some kids in Florida were catching pets and tossing them off a bridge over a golf course pond. They were watching the resident alligator snapping up the live food the kids tossed into the water. The cops caught them when too many local dogs and cats went awol.
Nicely done,
Wayne
For your consideration, or not:
- Ella pause(d) before swallowing
- A boat [trolled] up the river,
Word choice makes it seem as though they are fishing, trolling for catfish, etc.! If it's an outboard two-stroke, then it would buzz. A four-stroke would have a distinctive beat whether one-two, three, four, five, six, or eight cylinders. A two-stroke outboard would seem most likely. (Neither VW, Audi, or Mercedes has marineized their respective five cylinder engines, yet. A V8 would be rapidly noticed. If it's an inboard, there would be a put-put if a single cylinder, or a 180 crank twin would have a putput-putput, like the old John Deere Twins. If they are poling a pirogue, or sculling a john boat, there would be no noise. Therefore, I believe another word, other than sculled, would better set the tone of the story.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Hey Wayne, I hope the cops pitched those kids over for dessert! That's disgusting! So much of life is anymore. God.
Okay, I'm thinking it's some little outboard thingy, like for fishing or just riding around in. Trolling wasn't a good verb, I will get out the old thesaurus and improve.
Hey good buddy, Freddie's back. If I already told you that, excuse my repetition. He had a stroke, down for a bit, but up and raring to go now.
Hey, miss you!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Bass boats use an electric motor when they are trolling.
I saw Norbanus' post. Indeed, it is nice to have him back.
How's Bob's car?
