Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Heartburn"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
19 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
It wouldn't be long before they questioned her again and she couldn't risk her family's inheritance, its security for another of Darius' wild schemes. This time it was enough. She was finished.====hmmphh...a little late for that you biatch! heheh
HOLY CRAP! I couldn't even stop to take notes! My heart was pounding and I was not believing what I was reading!
The end was particularly fitting...haha in the Bayou where he belongs...so now what happens? Does Louise help or keep mum?
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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It wouldn't be long before they questioned her again and she couldn't risk her family's inheritance, its security for another of Darius' wild schemes. This time it was enough. She was finished.====hmmphh...a little late for that you biatch! heheh
HOLY CRAP! I couldn't even stop to take notes! My heart was pounding and I was not believing what I was reading!
The end was particularly fitting...haha in the Bayou where he belongs...so now what happens? Does Louise help or keep mum?
Comment Written 28-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2012
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LOL, so nice she joined the party, huh? Thanks so much, JJ, for the lovely sixer and all your fabulous reviews. Truly, I have these up on the 'board' where I put really cool reviews so I can read them when I'm having a bad day!
You're a peach, thank you so much and again,
BIG HUGS!
Gayle
Comment from Rob Caudle
The six is for all the preceding chapters as well. Gayle I am sorry that I have not been around this summer but the advantage is I was able to read the entire 4 chapters that I missed. This is a very engaging tale with real commercial value. I could not find a thing to change. This was just very very good. I hope as fall begins to arrive I will be able to spend more time here. I have not penned a word in several weeks, but your writing is an inspiration. Thanks for posting and please forgive my tardy reviews.
Rob
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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The six is for all the preceding chapters as well. Gayle I am sorry that I have not been around this summer but the advantage is I was able to read the entire 4 chapters that I missed. This is a very engaging tale with real commercial value. I could not find a thing to change. This was just very very good. I hope as fall begins to arrive I will be able to spend more time here. I have not penned a word in several weeks, but your writing is an inspiration. Thanks for posting and please forgive my tardy reviews.
Rob
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Oh Rob, always so good to see you and thank you for the sixer and the great comments. I'd missed you and am glad to hear you've just been busy. I'll be looking for your pm notices!
Thank you so much for the wonderful encouragement and support. I'll try to continue to earn your good words!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Beautiful dog in your artwork. I had to put my black lab down on Saturday. It was a horrible day, she was 16. Great job with this post. I enjoyed it and the excitement was felt.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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Beautiful dog in your artwork. I had to put my black lab down on Saturday. It was a horrible day, she was 16. Great job with this post. I enjoyed it and the excitement was felt.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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Oh, Barbara. My heart goes out to you. It's horrible for sure, believe me, I know. I'll be thinking of you. And thank you so much for the review and kind words,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from RenieReader
OMG! What a horrendous chapter, Gayle. You really know how to write 'em, my friend. I was backing away from my 'puter screen until I could hardly read the words. So, I'd come scooting back in. And the quick flip surprise at the end was supreme! Whew. I've got to catch my breath while I wonder what will happen next.
There's just one thing that kinda caught me sideways:
She spat*, clearing her mouth, and went for him again.
*I'd rather have her fling* it from her mouth as she whipped her head back and forth. I mean she's in a fury, and then 'spat'? Nope. Am I all wrong here?
Luv ya, sweetie,
Renie
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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OMG! What a horrendous chapter, Gayle. You really know how to write 'em, my friend. I was backing away from my 'puter screen until I could hardly read the words. So, I'd come scooting back in. And the quick flip surprise at the end was supreme! Whew. I've got to catch my breath while I wonder what will happen next.
There's just one thing that kinda caught me sideways:
She spat*, clearing her mouth, and went for him again.
*I'd rather have her fling* it from her mouth as she whipped her head back and forth. I mean she's in a fury, and then 'spat'? Nope. Am I all wrong here?
Luv ya, sweetie,
Renie
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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Hey Renie,
I'm branching out, huh? Y'know, it's been ages since I wrote - Nemesis, I guess. I saw the prompt here for a horror contest, can't even really remember, and I entered it and lo and behold, here we are with a new book!
So glad you liked this one and let me see about spat vs flung. I like flung!
Thanks sweetie and big hugs,
Gayle
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Oh, good. I love it when we agree. :D
Renie
Comment from rwilliam
Great ending! Love that! LOL! I could just hear my daughter as that point yelling, "YEAH!" at the top of her lungs.:-)
"Thank you, Cousin. It's the best thing for all of us."-- Right after this line you go into the perspective of the dogs and it was confusing for me. Maybe separating the two with ** or something would help. I had to re-read a few times to get what was going on but then I understood.
Other than that I REALLY enjoyed this chapter so much! If I haven't said it , I like the dogs point of view a lot!!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Great ending! Love that! LOL! I could just hear my daughter as that point yelling, "YEAH!" at the top of her lungs.:-)
"Thank you, Cousin. It's the best thing for all of us."-- Right after this line you go into the perspective of the dogs and it was confusing for me. Maybe separating the two with ** or something would help. I had to re-read a few times to get what was going on but then I understood.
Other than that I REALLY enjoyed this chapter so much! If I haven't said it , I like the dogs point of view a lot!!
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Hey Becca, you make me smile. I know what you mean and you're right. I will get that taken care of.
So glad you liked this one. I wanted to make Darius disappear because I knew if I left him for the cops, the questions would be areas I didn't want to get into.
I got a couple of birds killed with one stone, lol.
Thanks so much for the great comments and support!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Minglement
Wow, this is quite a departure for you :) I know I'm coming in late, I've been away from FS for awhile. I'm out of sixers, but as always, you've done a bang up job here with no nits, SPAG or suggestions to make. Your characters and dialogue ring true and I get a good feel for the setting. Good chapter. Keep up the great work :) Marcia
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Wow, this is quite a departure for you :) I know I'm coming in late, I've been away from FS for awhile. I'm out of sixers, but as always, you've done a bang up job here with no nits, SPAG or suggestions to make. Your characters and dialogue ring true and I get a good feel for the setting. Good chapter. Keep up the great work :) Marcia
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Marcia, wow, so glad to see you again. I've been wondering where you were.
Yes, this is quite the departure for me, and one I wasn't totally happy with at first. I'm adjusting nicely, though, and having fun. Hope to see you again soon. Thanks for the fine review and comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Stalking Wolf
So glad I have a 6 for this chapter. A really great read. Loved the way the dogs double teamed and killed Darius. Alligator taking the body, may complicate things. Look forward to reading more. Great.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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So glad I have a 6 for this chapter. A really great read. Loved the way the dogs double teamed and killed Darius. Alligator taking the body, may complicate things. Look forward to reading more. Great.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Oh, my friend, look at that beautiful sixer! Thank you so much for that. Big grins.
Sooooo, my wolfie friend, home team not doing so well! In the second edit I'm going to flesh out the fight scene more. Just got to flying there!
Yep, the alligator ate the evidence. Now we're going to have to find Ella.
Also, did you get to read Loup Garu? The book starts with Darius and three other characters that are going to play a major role here pretty soon.
Again, thanks for the great sixer and your comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Not read Loup Garu yet, mean too. Thought it deserved the 6, it was a really great read.
Comment from EMB
Man! I thought Darius was gonna pull it off, but, alas, it was not to be. Still, I would have liked to see him put up a good fight. "It ended how she feared..." just didn't do Darius justice, ya know?
Still, a good read. (Now what's up with Ella?)
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Man! I thought Darius was gonna pull it off, but, alas, it was not to be. Still, I would have liked to see him put up a good fight. "It ended how she feared..." just didn't do Darius justice, ya know?
Still, a good read. (Now what's up with Ella?)
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Hello Edward, hmm, a new name but you seem familiar with the story. And yes, the timing on Amy's part was pretty bad. If she'd just stayed on the veranda, Ella might have been there for morning coffee! And I agree, I'll probably flesh out that fight scene more when I get to the second edit. Sometimes the fingers just fly!
Of course, that alligator could have gotten Darius unassisted, lol, so one never knows. And now, we have to find Ella!
Thanks for the great comments.
Comment from fictionwriter
Good for the dogs, but not for Darius or Ella. How will they find her now. You've got excellent action in this chapter. WEll done.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Good for the dogs, but not for Darius or Ella. How will they find her now. You've got excellent action in this chapter. WEll done.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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So glad you liked that one. I wanted to do more with the dogs and how the actual battle went. I'll probably expand it a good bit in the book. For me, FS is such an excellent proving ground for the chapters. I am blessed with regular fans like you, so I see a lot of consistency - or lack there of - with a certain scene or a direction I'm going.
Rambling, lol. Anyhoo, thank you for being there for me and for the support over the years.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Joy Graham
Well I wasn't expecting that to happen at all. I was just starting to like Darius, somewhat. He reminds me of Dexter LOL. Now I wonder how they will find Ella?
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Well I wasn't expecting that to happen at all. I was just starting to like Darius, somewhat. He reminds me of Dexter LOL. Now I wonder how they will find Ella?
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Hi Joy! A sixer! So glad you liked that one. Well, most of my bad guys have some endearing qualities, lol. Of course, now we have to find Ella and the detecting can begin.
Thanks so much for the great sixer and your super comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
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This sixer is meant for the whole story. I was out of them last week and now can give you one. I wonder if Louise will give them any hints of Ella's whereabouts?
