Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Missing"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
15 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
Excellent! Good for the husbands for not believing a word of it. Great build up of suspense, and very telling that Louise couldn't say what she had on...Perfect...again, wish I had a sixer!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Excellent! Good for the husbands for not believing a word of it. Great build up of suspense, and very telling that Louise couldn't say what she had on...Perfect...again, wish I had a sixer!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Hi again, and yes, they're beginning to see what's happening. And still, why would they suspect anyone? That's the key to it all. Of course, the reader knows but not our fearless team. Oh, and Amy knows, lol!
How can I thank you for your wonderful perseverance with this story. I can't wait to chat again!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Joy Graham
Wowsers! I must read on. I just found one teeny tiny little thing to mention before I get into the next chapter.
" "So where's Ella?" she asked after (a) moment."
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2012
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Wowsers! I must read on. I just found one teeny tiny little thing to mention before I get into the next chapter.
" "So where's Ella?" she asked after (a) moment."
Comment Written 17-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2012
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I hate it that you're going to this work and not being rewarded. I'll send you a pump and a thumb. You are so appreciated. Also, will slip in that 'a' as suggested.
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from fictionwriter
Great pacing with this part of the story. You've got the reader as tied in knots as Jim and the sister. I've got to agree that they need to panic. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Great pacing with this part of the story. You've got the reader as tied in knots as Jim and the sister. I've got to agree that they need to panic. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Well, lookee there, a sixer! Thanks so much for that wonderful grouping but even more for your comments. Wait until you see what I just released.
Thanks you so very much for the great stars and your encouragement!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there Gayle
Here we go with yet another well written and thought out chapter. "You heard anything? Not a word here and it's already 11:30. It's not just me, right Terry? This isn't Ella. I'm scared to death and I don't even know why. I just feel like hell."
Terry hesitated a moment, slid a quick look at Lenny and nodded. "I'm scared too, Jim.
Me thinks there is a bunch of crap just around the corner. is Nicely crafted
Bear
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Hey there Gayle
Here we go with yet another well written and thought out chapter. "You heard anything? Not a word here and it's already 11:30. It's not just me, right Terry? This isn't Ella. I'm scared to death and I don't even know why. I just feel like hell."
Terry hesitated a moment, slid a quick look at Lenny and nodded. "I'm scared too, Jim.
Me thinks there is a bunch of crap just around the corner. is Nicely crafted
Bear
Comment Written 14-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Hey Bear, so good to see you. Yes, we're zipping right along. Thank you so much for the fine comments and rating. I appreciate it.
Gayle
Comment from Writingfundimension
An excellent chapter, my friend. I hate Louise! She's going to cause the others to lose precious time ... and is probably still drugging them as well. You build the suspense beautifully -- now I'm worried, too! Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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An excellent chapter, my friend. I hate Louise! She's going to cause the others to lose precious time ... and is probably still drugging them as well. You build the suspense beautifully -- now I'm worried, too! Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 13-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2012
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Hey Bev, I've got the next chapter just about ready. I think you'll like it.
Thanks so much for the great comments and stars,
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're very welcome, Gayle. Look forward to more! Bev
Comment from nor84
Amy lay on her mat, head cocked, ears perked in hopes of picking up sounds of Ella's return. >>>I know you don't like those "ing" words, so here's another suggestion:
Amy lay on her mat, head cocked and ears perked to pick up the sound of Ella's return.
I don't think of dogs as having brows, so I suggest 'wearing a quizzical expression.'
Finally, she went over to Jim and began to jostle his arm.>>>'began to' is weakening. I'd go for 'jostled his arm.'
'began to' is used again as they try to wake Jim.
And it's used a third time when Amy barks.
The chill returned to his stomach again.>>>tighter with 'The chill returned'.
You (You'd)think she'd leave me a little note.
I was working so I didn't look at her except in passing; I'm not really sure>>>Perhaps make that two sentences. Semicolons are frowned upon even more in dialogue.
Good cliffhanger.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Amy lay on her mat, head cocked, ears perked in hopes of picking up sounds of Ella's return. >>>I know you don't like those "ing" words, so here's another suggestion:
Amy lay on her mat, head cocked and ears perked to pick up the sound of Ella's return.
I don't think of dogs as having brows, so I suggest 'wearing a quizzical expression.'
Finally, she went over to Jim and began to jostle his arm.>>>'began to' is weakening. I'd go for 'jostled his arm.'
'began to' is used again as they try to wake Jim.
And it's used a third time when Amy barks.
The chill returned to his stomach again.>>>tighter with 'The chill returned'.
You (You'd)think she'd leave me a little note.
I was working so I didn't look at her except in passing; I'm not really sure>>>Perhaps make that two sentences. Semicolons are frowned upon even more in dialogue.
Good cliffhanger.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Oh boy, I like that much better ... second sentence. It maintains the urgency I want to portray here. As you know, I had two Amy's and use them throughout my books for different stuff. They both had those tan dots over their brows that I always found so expressive. Amy one, in particular, could look like Tulula Bankhead, brows to the hairline! True story.
Oh, what wonderful ideas and things to explore. Thumb to you, dear Sis.
Hugs,
Gayle
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If you're still using Page4 to write, that 'scan' thing is very useful. It would have told you about the repeats of 'began to'. Hey, thanks for the thumb, but the site didn't give it to me yet.
Comment from Stalking Wolf
Chapter written very well, action very smooth. Details laid out well. Suspense builds as twin smells a rat and things are picking up. Wonder if Louise will be suspected of lying? Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Chapter written very well, action very smooth. Details laid out well. Suspense builds as twin smells a rat and things are picking up. Wonder if Louise will be suspected of lying? Enjoyed.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2012
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Hey SW, good to see you again. Glad you liked this one. I'm not sure they'll figure it out until the very end. I mean, from their point of view, why would she lie?
Thanks for the great review,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Well the twin Terry seems as skeptical as I am, so she would not trust anybody. But thou art the writer, I'll enjoy it either way.
Comment from rwilliam
Good chapter. I liked the perspective of the dogs. :-D
The chill returned to his stomach again-- This is a personal thing but I am having a hard time grasping a chill in his stomach. MAYBE it's just me but I can't get a 'handle' on it. DO you know what I'm trying to say?:)
You think she'd leave me a little note.--This doesn't sound manly for lack of a better word. Maybe take out the word 'little'... Just my thought.
The pitcher of drinks came almost immediately, accompanied by the required condiments. That the Benedicts came so quickly caused Terry to wonder whether Louise was reading their minds.-- I don't care for the start of the second sentence with the word "that". The flow is off.
Looking forward to reading more. Good work!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Good chapter. I liked the perspective of the dogs. :-D
The chill returned to his stomach again-- This is a personal thing but I am having a hard time grasping a chill in his stomach. MAYBE it's just me but I can't get a 'handle' on it. DO you know what I'm trying to say?:)
You think she'd leave me a little note.--This doesn't sound manly for lack of a better word. Maybe take out the word 'little'... Just my thought.
The pitcher of drinks came almost immediately, accompanied by the required condiments. That the Benedicts came so quickly caused Terry to wonder whether Louise was reading their minds.-- I don't care for the start of the second sentence with the word "that". The flow is off.
Looking forward to reading more. Good work!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Rebecca, right? It's been ages and my memory is slipping, but I remember you! So good to see you again, and loved your comments. Will make the adjustments.
Thanks and hugs,
Gayle
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VERY GOOD! Yep, it's me, Becca LOL :-D
I seem to come around here (FS) in spurts so that makes it harder to rem. someone.:-) I try but I get busy with my own stuff.
You're a great writer and I really like reading your work. I hope to one day have 'A' book published , let alone more than one. You inspire me so keep going girl!! :-)
Comment from c_lucas
I think the neighborhood werewolf has bittne off more than he can chew. This is a uniqe post in that I have read very little on guard dogs. I have a friend who has one trained by the military. Somehow he ended up with it. Very well written.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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I think the neighborhood werewolf has bittne off more than he can chew. This is a uniqe post in that I have read very little on guard dogs. I have a friend who has one trained by the military. Somehow he ended up with it. Very well written.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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I think he just might have, Charlie. I can't help but wonder what Tony's going to do. He's not under Darius' spell.
Thanks for the comments and review, my friend,
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Ted T
Hi Gayle :)
I don't have a "Sixer" to give you, but the chapter is deserving of high marks.
I didn't spot any SPAG or nits.
You have good measure of suspense going and you leave 'em hangin' with the last line.
Good work.
Ted
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Hi Gayle :)
I don't have a "Sixer" to give you, but the chapter is deserving of high marks.
I didn't spot any SPAG or nits.
You have good measure of suspense going and you leave 'em hangin' with the last line.
Good work.
Ted
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Hey Ted,
I'll take the virtual sixer any time. Thanks so much for the comments and stars.
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're most welcome :)
