Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Yusice Moon"Murder Mystery
44 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Bev, I must admit I do not read many chapters in books. I don't feel qualified to expound on the virtues or mistakes of a piece so I'm afraid I can only offer an opinion. This is a great chapter. It has suspense, characters who feel real and a wonderful plot. Well done. I enjoyed this one immensely. xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Hello Bev, I must admit I do not read many chapters in books. I don't feel qualified to expound on the virtues or mistakes of a piece so I'm afraid I can only offer an opinion. This is a great chapter. It has suspense, characters who feel real and a wonderful plot. Well done. I enjoyed this one immensely. xoxo deborah
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Deborah, thank you so much for taking time to read my chapter. That is very kind and generous of you. I appreciate your words of support, too! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
Stuff you really have to focus on, since a lot of it takes place in the spirit world. I enjoyed the trip,Bev. LOL!
There seems to be an aura of consciousness awareness sweeping through a lot of the prose I've been reading. Makes it feel like change is in the air. That would be a good thing. Let's start with a good rain and thunder storm. LOL!
Well done, Bev. I enjoyed the characters and the settings.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Stuff you really have to focus on, since a lot of it takes place in the spirit world. I enjoyed the trip,Bev. LOL!
There seems to be an aura of consciousness awareness sweeping through a lot of the prose I've been reading. Makes it feel like change is in the air. That would be a good thing. Let's start with a good rain and thunder storm. LOL!
Well done, Bev. I enjoyed the characters and the settings.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Oh, I am in total agreement about the consciousness rising, Adrienne. I find either folks are stepping up and using the strong energy or they are totally freaking out, frantic to make it all go away. That's my take anyway.
Thanks so much, my friend, for your awesome and generous review. Your words mean a lot to me.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
What an intense ending and it has certainly left me with a lot of questions to be answered. You have done an excellent job with this chapter and I'm ready to read the next.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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What an intense ending and it has certainly left me with a lot of questions to be answered. You have done an excellent job with this chapter and I'm ready to read the next.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Thank you so very much, Okiegal. I really appreciate your words of support and awesomely generous review. I know there's lots to read on the site, so I very much appreciate your interest in my story. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from JW
Interesting. It definitely sounds like someone expects to die.
You did a good job writing this.
However, you may want to review the following:
he chalked it up to the aged state of his electical (electrical) wiring
JW
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Interesting. It definitely sounds like someone expects to die.
You did a good job writing this.
However, you may want to review the following:
he chalked it up to the aged state of his electical (electrical) wiring
JW
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Hey, Jonathon. Thank you for the great review and for catching, once again, my spaggie. I can always count on you reading with a mind to making things better. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Wes Guptill
This was an excellent chapter to be sure. It just ramped up the CREEP FACTOR tenfold. The work was gripping enough earlier, what with your host of characters and the shroud of deep mystery surrounding the atrocious crimes. But now, well now, you may consider me on-board and watching, waiting for every morsel of this story to be eked out. You have me hooked with the crime, the supernatural, and your wonderful use of wee-placed Lakota dialect and language.
Excellent work, my friend.
Salud!
Wes
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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This was an excellent chapter to be sure. It just ramped up the CREEP FACTOR tenfold. The work was gripping enough earlier, what with your host of characters and the shroud of deep mystery surrounding the atrocious crimes. But now, well now, you may consider me on-board and watching, waiting for every morsel of this story to be eked out. You have me hooked with the crime, the supernatural, and your wonderful use of wee-placed Lakota dialect and language.
Excellent work, my friend.
Salud!
Wes
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Wes, thank you so much for this wonderful review. I sure appreciate your generosity and interest. I may lose a few with the supernatural angle, but I can't seem to ever stray very far from a subject I find endlessly fascinating. Thanks again! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from robina1978
Is this a new book perhaps since I last reviewed? Don't seem to recognize much at all. But see it is well written and with thrilling moments.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Is this a new book perhaps since I last reviewed? Don't seem to recognize much at all. But see it is well written and with thrilling moments.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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It may be, Ine. Thank you so much for taking time to read what must have been a confusing chapter! I appreciate your time and support. Take care, Bev
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I always will support you. Take care as well, Ine
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What an intriguing chapter, Bev...
with great description - you're such
a natural with your writing.
more violent[] ? - close space
A couple of things... just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
Detective Burke rarely held back information. But she'd decided - might you consider connecting these?
He rose from his chair and moved to the stove to turn on the gas flame to start the stew simmering. - this line has 3 "to"'s in it. might consider losing 1
He rose from the chair and moved to the stove, turning on the gas flame to start
Margaret
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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What an intriguing chapter, Bev...
with great description - you're such
a natural with your writing.
more violent[] ? - close space
A couple of things... just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
Detective Burke rarely held back information. But she'd decided - might you consider connecting these?
He rose from his chair and moved to the stove to turn on the gas flame to start the stew simmering. - this line has 3 "to"'s in it. might consider losing 1
He rose from the chair and moved to the stove, turning on the gas flame to start
Margaret
Comment Written 07-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Hi, Margaret. Thanks so much for this very generous and helpful review. I really appreciate your suggestions - it's great to get a fresh eye! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
I like the Lakota language added. It authenticates Jana and her uncle. Especially since they are going to have premonitions or spiritual contacts.
So, she suspects Father Brian now? That is a twist for the reader to ponder. Good twist.
This is getting heavy. More intricate. That's good.
In the beginning you mention Jana wearing a cap. Is it a police cap/hat. I at first saw a wool cap. Maybe, clarify that.
Love the description of the night sounds:'she opened her senses to Wakatanka's gifts: the percussive love calls of crickets, reminiscent of a native drum beat, the pepper-sharp smell of fall leaves, and the distinct spice of apples split apart by foragers.' Not just sounds but scents as well. Nice.:)
Great description: 'The Elder had not gone one step before a sound, similar to a distant train approaching, caused him to cock his head in puzzlement. The sound mounted in intensity and he felt as if a horde of crazed bees probed for a way to get into his skull. He fell back in the chair, gripping his head in agony.'
This is just frickin' brilliantly dementedly creepy:It's[no apostrophe needed] metal is pure and details exquisite. Surely Christ guided the old Master's fingers to convey the agony of flesh ripping in slow increments from bone, and blood streaming from a thousand open sores. As I kiss the twisted feet, I dream that it is upon your lips my mouth lingers.e
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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I like the Lakota language added. It authenticates Jana and her uncle. Especially since they are going to have premonitions or spiritual contacts.
So, she suspects Father Brian now? That is a twist for the reader to ponder. Good twist.
This is getting heavy. More intricate. That's good.
In the beginning you mention Jana wearing a cap. Is it a police cap/hat. I at first saw a wool cap. Maybe, clarify that.
Love the description of the night sounds:'she opened her senses to Wakatanka's gifts: the percussive love calls of crickets, reminiscent of a native drum beat, the pepper-sharp smell of fall leaves, and the distinct spice of apples split apart by foragers.' Not just sounds but scents as well. Nice.:)
Great description: 'The Elder had not gone one step before a sound, similar to a distant train approaching, caused him to cock his head in puzzlement. The sound mounted in intensity and he felt as if a horde of crazed bees probed for a way to get into his skull. He fell back in the chair, gripping his head in agony.'
This is just frickin' brilliantly dementedly creepy:It's[no apostrophe needed] metal is pure and details exquisite. Surely Christ guided the old Master's fingers to convey the agony of flesh ripping in slow increments from bone, and blood streaming from a thousand open sores. As I kiss the twisted feet, I dream that it is upon your lips my mouth lingers.e
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hi, Ellen. Wow, thank you so much for all the great suggestions, plus a six! You never fail to find the areas where I feel I've wobbled a bit -- I love that! Going back to correct. Your support and appreciation mean a lot to me, E. Hugs, Bev
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This is a great chapter. You are stretching yourself brilliantly.
Quite a mystery novel!
Comment from AprilShower
I can't even guess who the killer could be, Bev. Jana thinks there is something strange about the priest. This is really a mystery. Now her uncle is noticing strange happenings. I'm anxious to find out how this turns out. This story certainly holds my interest. Well done.
April
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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I can't even guess who the killer could be, Bev. Jana thinks there is something strange about the priest. This is really a mystery. Now her uncle is noticing strange happenings. I'm anxious to find out how this turns out. This story certainly holds my interest. Well done.
April
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hi, April. Thank you so much for this wonderful review! I really appreciate your taking time to read the chapter. Jana, Father Brian, and Uncle Tony will all play a part in dealing with the supernatural angle, and Sheriff Oleson will do the old-fashioned detective work. Expect more strangeness.
Thanks again! Xxx Bev
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I'm looking forward to reading more, Bev.
:o)
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Thanks, April! You're too kind... Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
Loved this part of the story. I love the unseen forces and the Native American influences in the story. Can't wait for more. Found just one thing. gripping is(his?) head in agony.
Other than that, great job.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Loved this part of the story. I love the unseen forces and the Native American influences in the story. Can't wait for more. Found just one thing. gripping is(his?) head in agony.
Other than that, great job.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hi, fictionwriter. Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I really appreciate you taking time to read my chapter. It's always helpful to have a sharp eye for those spaggies!
Warmest regards, Bev
