flowers
tells about the world of flowers10 total reviews
Comment from whispersofthesoul
Hiya,
The premis of this is good however only because you stated what it is about in the title, but you do have a big problem with your syllable count is 6-10-9. I think you have misunderstood what is meant for this contest. The first and third line has 5 syllables and the second line has 7 syllables. To have a chance in the contest i would have ago trying to re word it.
Whispers xx
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Hiya,
The premis of this is good however only because you stated what it is about in the title, but you do have a big problem with your syllable count is 6-10-9. I think you have misunderstood what is meant for this contest. The first and third line has 5 syllables and the second line has 7 syllables. To have a chance in the contest i would have ago trying to re word it.
Whispers xx
Comment Written 20-Feb-2013
Comment from Righteous Riter
The passion is felt by the words. The message is clea and understandable. This piece is short, sweet and to the point. Only thing wrong with this piece is that it doesn't meet the 5-7-5 criteria. Seems like 6-10-9 to me. Good luck any way.
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The passion is felt by the words. The message is clea and understandable. This piece is short, sweet and to the point. Only thing wrong with this piece is that it doesn't meet the 5-7-5 criteria. Seems like 6-10-9 to me. Good luck any way.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2013
Comment from Candyjean
Did like the message but this is not a 5-7-5 poem, too many sylables, only line 1 was correct. Too bad as this is such a cute little idea, and written well, just not 5-7-5
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Did like the message but this is not a 5-7-5 poem, too many sylables, only line 1 was correct. Too bad as this is such a cute little idea, and written well, just not 5-7-5
Comment Written 20-Feb-2013
Comment from poetic1988
this is a nice poem
about flowers against the wind
this poem also feels like it could be a story as well
however the first line I just felt that the word little really wasn't needed
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this is a nice poem
about flowers against the wind
this poem also feels like it could be a story as well
however the first line I just felt that the word little really wasn't needed
Comment Written 20-Feb-2013
Comment from Rembrandt
Hello Lia,
I'm so pleased to see that you have started early in your life to learn about poetry. The poem you have written, "Flowers" is a lovely poem but needs to have a few changes so that it follows the rules.
This type of poem, 5-7-5, requires no more than 5 syllables in the first and last lines, the middle line may have 7 syllables. Note that I am counting syllables, not words.
A syllable is the number of segments that are in a single word. For instance, in English the word "little" is two syllables (li ttle);
"swaying" is also two syllables (sway ing);
"with" is one syllable; and "wind" is one syllable.
So your first line has six syllables instead of the necessary 5 syllables. If you remove the word "with" you will have 5 syllables :-)
Short poem contests are both fun and testing to writers.
The thing that usually wins the contest is to try and "capture" a moment that something is happening, like watching a bottle of milk tip over and describing it before it falls.
Trying working on this poem again by clicking on the "edit" button above your poem, and typing your changes to make your poem fit the correct number of syllables on each line. I will look for your poem again and hopefully be able to give you a higher rating!
Good luck, and I am going to become your fan! I started writing poetry when I was 12 too!
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Hello Lia,
I'm so pleased to see that you have started early in your life to learn about poetry. The poem you have written, "Flowers" is a lovely poem but needs to have a few changes so that it follows the rules.
This type of poem, 5-7-5, requires no more than 5 syllables in the first and last lines, the middle line may have 7 syllables. Note that I am counting syllables, not words.
A syllable is the number of segments that are in a single word. For instance, in English the word "little" is two syllables (li ttle);
"swaying" is also two syllables (sway ing);
"with" is one syllable; and "wind" is one syllable.
So your first line has six syllables instead of the necessary 5 syllables. If you remove the word "with" you will have 5 syllables :-)
Short poem contests are both fun and testing to writers.
The thing that usually wins the contest is to try and "capture" a moment that something is happening, like watching a bottle of milk tip over and describing it before it falls.
Trying working on this poem again by clicking on the "edit" button above your poem, and typing your changes to make your poem fit the correct number of syllables on each line. I will look for your poem again and hopefully be able to give you a higher rating!
Good luck, and I am going to become your fan! I started writing poetry when I was 12 too!
Comment Written 18-Nov-2012
Comment from reconciled
Goodmorning...thoughtt I stop by and say...Hi -smile- Look your poem has potential...but the first word.."little"....just dont get it....doesn't make sense. I would change it....but thats just me...see ya
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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Goodmorning...thoughtt I stop by and say...Hi -smile- Look your poem has potential...but the first word.."little"....just dont get it....doesn't make sense. I would change it....but thats just me...see ya
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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YOU DON'T KNOW THE SPELLING OF THOUGHT ,SHAME ON YOU
AS YOU WROTE IT AS -''thoughtt''
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well...I guess you won then...congratulations
Comment from adewpearl
lia, you've misunderstood the requirements of this 5/7/5 contest
the first line is supposed to have 5 syllables and you have 6
you second line is supposed to have 7 syllables and you have 10
the final line is supposed to have 5 syllables and you have 9
also, if you hadn't mentioned this is about flowers in your description line, I'm not sure I would have guessed your poem is about flowers
Brooke
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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lia, you've misunderstood the requirements of this 5/7/5 contest
the first line is supposed to have 5 syllables and you have 6
you second line is supposed to have 7 syllables and you have 10
the final line is supposed to have 5 syllables and you have 9
also, if you hadn't mentioned this is about flowers in your description line, I'm not sure I would have guessed your poem is about flowers
Brooke
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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THANKS FOR THE ADVICE , IT WOULD HELP ME TO MOVE BETTER NEXT TIME ON THE TRACK.......
Comment from donaldww
This poem is about flowers, swaying with the wind. 'all adorable and elegant' gives the poem a conversational quality. The imagery is
The problem with the poem is that it is not a 5-7-5. The syllable count is:
7-10-9. Since this is a contest entry, you most likely should get that fixed before the voting starts.
Good luck,
DW
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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This poem is about flowers, swaying with the wind. 'all adorable and elegant' gives the poem a conversational quality. The imagery is
The problem with the poem is that it is not a 5-7-5. The syllable count is:
7-10-9. Since this is a contest entry, you most likely should get that fixed before the voting starts.
Good luck,
DW
Comment Written 04-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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i would try my best next time
Comment from bonnie composanto
This is a nice 5-7-5 poem about the beauty of the elegant flowers in the fields. The words flow well, although a picture from Fanart would make it more visible.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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This is a nice 5-7-5 poem about the beauty of the elegant flowers in the fields. The words flow well, although a picture from Fanart would make it more visible.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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thanks for your honest reply, i would try hard next time
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you did just fine.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
little swaying with wind,6
across enlarged fields before the farmers, 10
all adorable and elegant. 9
swaying with the wind 5
across enlarged golden fields 7
all adorable 5
your syllable count is wrong in this haiku so what I have done is tightened your poem to get the correct syllable count to give you an idea of how it can work I hope this helps I know mine isn't perfect regards Jill
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little swaying with wind,6
across enlarged fields before the farmers, 10
all adorable and elegant. 9
swaying with the wind 5
across enlarged golden fields 7
all adorable 5
your syllable count is wrong in this haiku so what I have done is tightened your poem to get the correct syllable count to give you an idea of how it can work I hope this helps I know mine isn't perfect regards Jill
Comment Written 04-Aug-2012
