Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "What Spell"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
13 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
Loving it!
Like I'm afraid of her and there isn't a reason in the world. And yet, I am."===oh, you've got every reason to be afraid of her, baby! :)
War of Northern Aggression? ==haha that's what my in-laws call it===STILL!
playing a part for us, a role she thinks we want her to play, maybe?===thinking playing and play might be a little much..maybe playing the role she thinks we want her to?
They watched the water drift slowly by as egrets and other waterfowl stood in the stream, fishing for lunch. Occasional bellows from alligators made the hairs on their arms rise.===awesome scenery!
one of those paddle-wheel boats, take a little cruise down the gulf, or maybe up, not sure==sounds awesome! I want to go!
He beetled his eyebrows at his wife,==haha can't imagine what that looks like!
piercing eyes, blue and black, stared him down.===not even going to ask===don't get it, but okay..I'll suspend disbelief :) hehe
"This chowder is fabulous. You should try some."===smart ass! bahhumbug!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Loving it!
Like I'm afraid of her and there isn't a reason in the world. And yet, I am."===oh, you've got every reason to be afraid of her, baby! :)
War of Northern Aggression? ==haha that's what my in-laws call it===STILL!
playing a part for us, a role she thinks we want her to play, maybe?===thinking playing and play might be a little much..maybe playing the role she thinks we want her to?
They watched the water drift slowly by as egrets and other waterfowl stood in the stream, fishing for lunch. Occasional bellows from alligators made the hairs on their arms rise.===awesome scenery!
one of those paddle-wheel boats, take a little cruise down the gulf, or maybe up, not sure==sounds awesome! I want to go!
He beetled his eyebrows at his wife,==haha can't imagine what that looks like!
piercing eyes, blue and black, stared him down.===not even going to ask===don't get it, but okay..I'll suspend disbelief :) hehe
"This chowder is fabulous. You should try some."===smart ass! bahhumbug!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Okay, I'm going to have to hire you to edit for me! Okay, the eyes, blue and black, Terry's eyes are black, very dark brown, but Ella has to wear contacts, and she decided to get blue ones! It's something that's been known since the first book, but I keep forgetting that and you're right! This reader does not know that.
You're absolutely right about the playing/play. Will polish! Now, beetling his eyebrows - think Groucho Marx!
Comment from nor84
"Well, I told you it wasn't exactly the right word! >>>Too long for an exclamation, I believe.
It's almost like she's baiting us, like she's waiting for one of us to say ... I had nothing to do with that ... which I have no intention of doing, by the way. >>> I'd cut that second 'like she's' as not needed. It's OK in dialog, but still...not needed. I'd suggest a rewording to get rid of the ellipses to:
It's almost like she's baiting us, waiting for one of us to say ... we had nothing to do with it. Which I have no intention of doing, by the way. >>>that way, no ellipses, no italics needed.
"She's very interesting looking>>>suggest not having to 'ings' next to one another. May 'exotic' would do that for you.
That could account for that gorgeous skin. I've never seen a color like that anywhere else>>>>there's three 'thats' in this section. I suggest a rewrite: "If she were part Haitian, that would account for her gorgeous skin." Only one 'that' and the next sentence not really needed.
"I bet she is(.) (I)t's in the cheekbones, my hairdresser says.>>>semicolon may not be the best choice.
so I guess that's alright (all right.)
Lenny grinned at Jim >>>if only these two are in this scene, I'd drop 'at Jim.' Not needed, especially since the next sentence has Jim staring 'at Lenny.' I'd drop that, too, and just have Jim speak, no 'stare.' Not needed.
Maybe Terry's okay with it, but Ella is not happy about all the golfing and time away from her. >>>I'd end the sentence with 'golfing' because we already know why.
4pm boarding and then pick us up at the end?" >>>this is where I'd mention the 4 p.m. boarding, not in two places.
Solicitous, he leaned forward and peered into her face, green eyes creased in worry. "Are you alright (all right)? >>>I'd cut 'solitious' because that's shown by his action and words.
I'd also change the dialog by losing the ellipsis and just saying you sound tired or you look tired. The 'you sound...well (sounds like 'you sound well.)
Aha! pursed lips!
He beetled his eyebrows at his wife,>>>'at his wife' not necessary. Seeing a lot of 'at' clauses in this one.
Based on the following definition, I suggest 'waggled his brows' and not 'beetled':
beeˇtle 2 (btl)
adj.
Jutting; overhanging: beetle brows.
intr.v. beeˇtled, beeˇtling, beeˇtles
To jut; overhang: "The rocks often beetled over the road" (Washington Irving).
I don't understand the reference to eye color as 'blue and black.' If they're identical twins, they have the same eye color. No way around it.
"I know and I do know better.>>>'know' twice in the same sentence.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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"Well, I told you it wasn't exactly the right word! >>>Too long for an exclamation, I believe.
It's almost like she's baiting us, like she's waiting for one of us to say ... I had nothing to do with that ... which I have no intention of doing, by the way. >>> I'd cut that second 'like she's' as not needed. It's OK in dialog, but still...not needed. I'd suggest a rewording to get rid of the ellipses to:
It's almost like she's baiting us, waiting for one of us to say ... we had nothing to do with it. Which I have no intention of doing, by the way. >>>that way, no ellipses, no italics needed.
"She's very interesting looking>>>suggest not having to 'ings' next to one another. May 'exotic' would do that for you.
That could account for that gorgeous skin. I've never seen a color like that anywhere else>>>>there's three 'thats' in this section. I suggest a rewrite: "If she were part Haitian, that would account for her gorgeous skin." Only one 'that' and the next sentence not really needed.
"I bet she is(.) (I)t's in the cheekbones, my hairdresser says.>>>semicolon may not be the best choice.
so I guess that's alright (all right.)
Lenny grinned at Jim >>>if only these two are in this scene, I'd drop 'at Jim.' Not needed, especially since the next sentence has Jim staring 'at Lenny.' I'd drop that, too, and just have Jim speak, no 'stare.' Not needed.
Maybe Terry's okay with it, but Ella is not happy about all the golfing and time away from her. >>>I'd end the sentence with 'golfing' because we already know why.
4pm boarding and then pick us up at the end?" >>>this is where I'd mention the 4 p.m. boarding, not in two places.
Solicitous, he leaned forward and peered into her face, green eyes creased in worry. "Are you alright (all right)? >>>I'd cut 'solitious' because that's shown by his action and words.
I'd also change the dialog by losing the ellipsis and just saying you sound tired or you look tired. The 'you sound...well (sounds like 'you sound well.)
Aha! pursed lips!
He beetled his eyebrows at his wife,>>>'at his wife' not necessary. Seeing a lot of 'at' clauses in this one.
Based on the following definition, I suggest 'waggled his brows' and not 'beetled':
beeˇtle 2 (btl)
adj.
Jutting; overhanging: beetle brows.
intr.v. beeˇtled, beeˇtling, beeˇtles
To jut; overhang: "The rocks often beetled over the road" (Washington Irving).
I don't understand the reference to eye color as 'blue and black.' If they're identical twins, they have the same eye color. No way around it.
"I know and I do know better.>>>'know' twice in the same sentence.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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Hey Norma, Good to see you! Okay, to answer a few, Ella has contact lenses, Terry does not. No reason to go into that because it's supposed to pique your curiosity. You'll see in the next chapter.
Thanks for all the time and effort you went to. It's most appreciated.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
Geez Annabelle, you can pack up a heck of a yarn in any genre.
I haven't read the rest of this story yet, but I'll try to catch up before you post the next segment.
BTW-- I got my copy of "Cold Fusion" today. Outstanding cover art. I won't start reading it though, until I'm up to speed on "Fear on the Bayou.
Cheers,
Fredie
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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Geez Annabelle, you can pack up a heck of a yarn in any genre.
I haven't read the rest of this story yet, but I'll try to catch up before you post the next segment.
BTW-- I got my copy of "Cold Fusion" today. Outstanding cover art. I won't start reading it though, until I'm up to speed on "Fear on the Bayou.
Cheers,
Fredie
Comment Written 01-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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Hey Freddie,
Gosh, it's always a thrill to see you again. It's not attached to this book because it was a contest entry, but if you go to my port, you'll see an entry called Loup Garu. Don't bother to review since the bucks are gone, but it sets up the story and makes the premise clear.
Oh, and another lovely bouquet from my best buddy in this whole world. How many does it make now?
Hugs,
Annabelle
Comment from Stalking Wolf
Great follow up to the story, Louise must be planning to put more magic stuff in their food, and can't because of the boat trip. The men are realizing something is not right, Interesting, and enjoying.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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Great follow up to the story, Louise must be planning to put more magic stuff in their food, and can't because of the boat trip. The men are realizing something is not right, Interesting, and enjoying.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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Hi SW, glad you liked this one. Yes, I figure Louise had plans for the girls that didn't include a river cruise. It's always so nice to see you, my friend. Thanks again,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Showboat:
Yeah, kiddo, what spell? It seems it is affecting Ella
more than Terry so far. How does Louise manage not to
drug the guys since they drink from the same pitcher of
lemon drops and eat from the same tray of food. Of
course, someone who can do voodoo can do anything she
wants to, right?
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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Showboat:
Yeah, kiddo, what spell? It seems it is affecting Ella
more than Terry so far. How does Louise manage not to
drug the guys since they drink from the same pitcher of
lemon drops and eat from the same tray of food. Of
course, someone who can do voodoo can do anything she
wants to, right?
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 31-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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Hey Jan,
I know Louise is putting the drugs in their morning juice, so maybe it's not in the lemon drops, too. Good thought there. I'll have to work that in.
Thanks so much for the great comments and review.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from fictionwriter
I've been gone for a couple of weeks and missed out, but this seems too good. I'll have to go back and catch up. Another wonderful chapter. Great work.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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I've been gone for a couple of weeks and missed out, but this seems too good. I'll have to go back and catch up. Another wonderful chapter. Great work.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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I was wondering where you were! so good to see you again! Did you already read the lead-in chapter, Loup Garu? It's really important that you read it, so if not, go to my port. No need to review since the bucks are gone, but it clarifies a lot!
Thanks so much for the fine comments and stars,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Yes I read the lead in chapter, and have followed most of the story. I was gone for a couple of weeks at the first of july, so I figured I'd missed some chapter, but when I looked at the story, it looked like a missed quite a few.
Comment from c_lucas
With their street experience, the guys should pretty well nail it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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With their street experience, the guys should pretty well nail it. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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I think Lenny's going to hit it, but you have to admit, they're going on pretty thin evidence!
Thanks for the read and review,
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Writingfundimension
The spell seems to be working on the girls. If they would just continue to put 'their heads together' they may be able to figure that out. Or maybe that's coming?! Great additional chapter, Gayle. Definitely gave me the willies! Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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The spell seems to be working on the girls. If they would just continue to put 'their heads together' they may be able to figure that out. Or maybe that's coming?! Great additional chapter, Gayle. Definitely gave me the willies! Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 31-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2012
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Hey Bev, it's getting tingly. I'm trying to figure out how to do the next part, and I have a couple of great ideas. Hope you like them and thanks for the great comments, my friend!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Ooh, can't wait! You're very welcome, my friend. Xxx Bev
Comment from Georg_Freese
Sorry, but I can't say that I enjoyed this. Maybe I am not the target audience, but an entire chapter of character ramble is too much for me, specially when the characters are not interesting. Nothing is happening, only vague hints at a mystery which is lost in the ramble, and there are no descriptions whatsoever but for a few snippets between scenes. The only suggestion I can offer to improving this story is for the authors to take a moment and reevaluate why it is that they are writing this story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2012
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Sorry, but I can't say that I enjoyed this. Maybe I am not the target audience, but an entire chapter of character ramble is too much for me, specially when the characters are not interesting. Nothing is happening, only vague hints at a mystery which is lost in the ramble, and there are no descriptions whatsoever but for a few snippets between scenes. The only suggestion I can offer to improving this story is for the authors to take a moment and reevaluate why it is that they are writing this story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2012
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ROFLMAO!
Comment from Sandie lee
I've picked this story up mid-way, but I must say this chapter is very intriguing and well written.
This sounds like it's a fabulous read. Even this chapter alone stood on it's own as awesome!
Well done :P
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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I've picked this story up mid-way, but I must say this chapter is very intriguing and well written.
This sounds like it's a fabulous read. Even this chapter alone stood on it's own as awesome!
Well done :P
Comment Written 31-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2012
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Hi Sandie, so nice to make a new friend. I hope to see you again as this story unfolds.
Thanks for the fine review,
Gayle
