Who are they?
A mesmerising look at a dysfunctional family25 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, happiotter, you did a great job writing this couplet poem about the pain some families can give to each other, but the lessons learned make you a better person.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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this is very well written, happiotter, you did a great job writing this couplet poem about the pain some families can give to each other, but the lessons learned make you a better person.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you, this is such a great review! I appreciate it! Happi
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Thank you, this is such a great review! I appreciate it! Happi
Comment from Melspoems
Nice rhyming couplets with good flow.
If this is biographical well done for cutting ties, having just done that I know how hard it is.
One suggestion "no longer my family I read with a choke" could be "no longer my family I wrote with a choke" ...because you wrote it and it sounds good with the internal rhyme, just a thought.
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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Nice rhyming couplets with good flow.
If this is biographical well done for cutting ties, having just done that I know how hard it is.
One suggestion "no longer my family I read with a choke" could be "no longer my family I wrote with a choke" ...because you wrote it and it sounds good with the internal rhyme, just a thought.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much for this great review. I actually did just go through this and I wrote the I read with a choke because my Mother had written me a letter telling me I'm no longer her family. U are right I need to do something because no one knows that. Thank you again! Happi
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Thank you so much for this great review. I actually did just go through this and I wrote the I read with a choke because my Mother had written me a letter telling me I'm no longer her family. U are right I need to do something because no one knows that. Thank you again! Happi
Comment from Eliza M
An interesting poem that looks at how lessons learned from an unhappy childhood, can be turned to positivity in later life with ones own children.
Unfortunately, for me the writing lacked flow and rhythm which made it very disjointed in quite a lot of places.My feeling is that this was at the expense of achieving the rhymes.
Try reading your poem out loud and then change add or remove word until it begins to find its balance and natural flow.
It has the framework for being a good poem.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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An interesting poem that looks at how lessons learned from an unhappy childhood, can be turned to positivity in later life with ones own children.
Unfortunately, for me the writing lacked flow and rhythm which made it very disjointed in quite a lot of places.My feeling is that this was at the expense of achieving the rhymes.
Try reading your poem out loud and then change add or remove word until it begins to find its balance and natural flow.
It has the framework for being a good poem.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the review but I must say I didn't force it. It just came out. I will read it aloud again. Happi
Comment from knobs up
I thought the flow was a little too mechanical as though some words might have been chosen purely because of the amount of syllables
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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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I thought the flow was a little too mechanical as though some words might have been chosen purely because of the amount of syllables
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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I understand what you are saying but to be totally honest I didn't choose any words purely for the amount of syllables. It just totally came out of my mind in about 3 minutes. Thank you for your review.
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I understand what you are saying but to be totally honest I didn't choose any words purely for the amount of syllables. It just totally came out of my mind in about 3 minutes. Thank you for your review.
Comment from rjuselius
this is a fantastic reflection of your native american roots. i wish we would hold old people with respect and dignity as they deserve.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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this is a fantastic reflection of your native american roots. i wish we would hold old people with respect and dignity as they deserve.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 29-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2012
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Thank you for such a great review. I am glad you like it I have had a three review. I love this one. You are too kind. Happi
