Memoir
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "A Lawnchair on Mars"True story
40 total reviews
Comment from Angela Hayes
Good read, educational, interesting, well presented, good detailed memoir, speaking about lots of things, professional, creative in thinking and choice of matter, long but keeps the reader eager to read on.
Good Luck!
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Good read, educational, interesting, well presented, good detailed memoir, speaking about lots of things, professional, creative in thinking and choice of matter, long but keeps the reader eager to read on.
Good Luck!
Comment Written 27-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Angela, for the neat review. Bill
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You're welcome!
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Bill. This is excellent. You should be writing pieces like this all the time. Your word choices, pace, flow, theme--all work well together for a terrific autobiographical chapter to your life. Kudos to you. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Hi Bill. This is excellent. You should be writing pieces like this all the time. Your word choices, pace, flow, theme--all work well together for a terrific autobiographical chapter to your life. Kudos to you. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Thank you, Marilyn. I?m so happy you found elements that work well here. This came together well. Bill
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This reminded me of the time I was at Daytona Beach during an annual sand sculpting competition. I was totally blown away. When the sculptures were finished they were painted to make the realistic. I couldn't imagine that in a few days all of these masterpieces would be washed away by the tide.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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This reminded me of the time I was at Daytona Beach during an annual sand sculpting competition. I was totally blown away. When the sculptures were finished they were painted to make the realistic. I couldn't imagine that in a few days all of these masterpieces would be washed away by the tide.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Yes. Just like that, it?s all soon gone. We luckily had the relatively new PLARS system (early GPS) to travel the trackless desert.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi Bill. This is a good entry for the contest.
This is quite the story. At least you survived and made it back home. I was enthralled from beginning to end. Great job. Did you get the girl? You did not talk about the suicide or the homicide. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Hi Bill. This is a good entry for the contest.
This is quite the story. At least you survived and made it back home. I was enthralled from beginning to end. Great job. Did you get the girl? You did not talk about the suicide or the homicide. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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The suicide and homicide are stories themselves which are quite involved. Most readers assumed that the homicide was war itself.
Comment from Gloria ....
The Lonesome Dove. I haven't read the book, but the movie was an epic and alludes to much of the happenstance and unfortunate occurrences of life.
Bringing up to date on the Desert Storm Operation's briefing map and a portable lawn chair. I can see that one "comforting" ordinary thing in a world of shit.
What detail of Saudi Arabia and well-written non fiction Bill. You might want to change your category to non-fiction.
This is superior writing and most interesting.
Gloria
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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The Lonesome Dove. I haven't read the book, but the movie was an epic and alludes to much of the happenstance and unfortunate occurrences of life.
Bringing up to date on the Desert Storm Operation's briefing map and a portable lawn chair. I can see that one "comforting" ordinary thing in a world of shit.
What detail of Saudi Arabia and well-written non fiction Bill. You might want to change your category to non-fiction.
This is superior writing and most interesting.
Gloria
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Gloria. I did change that to nonfiction, although I don't know if we really left all that chap stick.
Comment from nomi338
Your stark description of a Marines daily routine in a remote desert as he awaits whatever is to come is so real and gritty that I felt that I was there with you. I was what you guys would consider a member of the Air Force, a real candy ass. I never suffered any of the concerns that you describe here and frankly after reading of it, I am might glad that I did not have to. I give you mad props, because those of you who did undergo this did so in order that I would not have to. So, i thank you my brother. You are much appreciated.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Your stark description of a Marines daily routine in a remote desert as he awaits whatever is to come is so real and gritty that I felt that I was there with you. I was what you guys would consider a member of the Air Force, a real candy ass. I never suffered any of the concerns that you describe here and frankly after reading of it, I am might glad that I did not have to. I give you mad props, because those of you who did undergo this did so in order that I would not have to. So, i thank you my brother. You are much appreciated.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Thanks, nomi, for the superb review. I recall as a recruiter I was busting ass to make mission while the Air Force recruiter had signed all the smartest kids and taken the week off. I'm told that half the Marines who leave after one enlistment, and want to stay in the military, join the Air Force. Aim High. We Band of Brothers.
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That is th exact reason I joined the Air Force in the first place. I had every intention to join the Army, but an Air Force recruiter got to me first and the rest as they say is history.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Well written piece, Bill. I didn't know you were in the war, in the desert no less. That was a while ago. I'll bet your wife enjoyed reading that letter, little by little. Probably acted as a diary for you. I lovvve the last sentence, and I'm glad you came home safe and sound. :)
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Well written piece, Bill. I didn't know you were in the war, in the desert no less. That was a while ago. I'll bet your wife enjoyed reading that letter, little by little. Probably acted as a diary for you. I lovvve the last sentence, and I'm glad you came home safe and sound. :)
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Phyllis, for giving this a look. Bill.
Comment from royowen
Well done Bill, a good descriptive text on the war fought in Iraq, the struggles of the men there. The horror of war. I've been to Dubai in their summer, it was 49deg+ every day. Endless sand. It would have been an awful place to fight. Well done Bill, although the Sahara's in North Africa. Blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Well done Bill, a good descriptive text on the war fought in Iraq, the struggles of the men there. The horror of war. I've been to Dubai in their summer, it was 49deg+ every day. Endless sand. It would have been an awful place to fight. Well done Bill, although the Sahara's in North Africa. Blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Wow! I must have put the Sahara in there twenty years ago, when I first wrote this, and forgot all about it. I edited it to read Arabian Desert now. Gee, I?m glad, as I was plotting artillery fire, I didn?t need to know what desert I was in. Thanks for giving this a look, Roy. Bill
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Hah hah, well done Bill.
Comment from damommy
What great story and beautifully written. Coming from a family with lots of military service, I can relate to a lot of what you said.
It is all so good, but I especially like the paragraph about the desert reclaiming everything. Lovely wording and very visual.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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What great story and beautifully written. Coming from a family with lots of military service, I can relate to a lot of what you said.
It is all so good, but I especially like the paragraph about the desert reclaiming everything. Lovely wording and very visual.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Thanks, da. This is one of the first pieces I wrote after retiring from the Corps.
Comment from mally mack
As a writer and artist, I have deep appreciation for your drawing comparison between your writing and painting. The fact that you were concise enough to bring that back at the end, your final paragraph gave me the chills. I have a few friends that served, one just completed 4 tours. Your story depicts true "world of shit" you all have lived through to allow the rest of us to live safely. It is so rare that you hear stories of Desert Storm told by those that were involved. I am thankful, as I'm sure many are that you were able to share your story, no matter how long it took, with all of us.
Best Wishes to you Sir,
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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As a writer and artist, I have deep appreciation for your drawing comparison between your writing and painting. The fact that you were concise enough to bring that back at the end, your final paragraph gave me the chills. I have a few friends that served, one just completed 4 tours. Your story depicts true "world of shit" you all have lived through to allow the rest of us to live safely. It is so rare that you hear stories of Desert Storm told by those that were involved. I am thankful, as I'm sure many are that you were able to share your story, no matter how long it took, with all of us.
Best Wishes to you Sir,
Comment Written 26-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Mallory. I felt the sarcastic tone in the middle would hit military related readers well. That?s the way men and women, in my experience, deal with the stress of combat.
