Jarfly
subtle horror59 total reviews
Comment from nighttripper
Very well written. You paint a clear and vivid picture with your words. I could feel my throat drying as you described the drought.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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Very well written. You paint a clear and vivid picture with your words. I could feel my throat drying as you described the drought.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2012
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Hi there! Thank you John. I'm glad I was able to convey something with this. I do hope you have lots of good water to drink! ") Susan
Comment from Lee62
This is a wonderful story that reminds me of Faulkner or Bradbury. The author has grand command of prose and wove a very chilling tale. I did not know where the plot was leading and the conclusion was completely satisfying. I wonder if the author was influenced at all by Tom Tryon's novel "The Other." Parts of this story evoked memories of Tryon's eerie novel. Subtle horror is exquisite and Jarfly fulfilled my expectations.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2012
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This is a wonderful story that reminds me of Faulkner or Bradbury. The author has grand command of prose and wove a very chilling tale. I did not know where the plot was leading and the conclusion was completely satisfying. I wonder if the author was influenced at all by Tom Tryon's novel "The Other." Parts of this story evoked memories of Tryon's eerie novel. Subtle horror is exquisite and Jarfly fulfilled my expectations.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2012
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Hi there! I am very happy you enjoyed this. I worked hard on it and your kind review is a wonderful reward. I'll check out the book you've mentioned .... "The Other"? Sounds vaguely familiar. OH, I'm thinking of that movie starring Nicole Kidman...where she and her children are ghosts? Have you seen it? If not, it's a good show. Again, thank you for this encouraging review! Susan
Comment from robyn corum
and as August trudged along,
-> you just used 'trudged' to describe the boy in the above paragraph. Do you want to repeat it here?
lethargic and pale as hopes of income (were) lost.
Interesting story.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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and as August trudged along,
-> you just used 'trudged' to describe the boy in the above paragraph. Do you want to repeat it here?
lethargic and pale as hopes of income (were) lost.
Interesting story.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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Hi Robyn, Thanks. I fixed these. This one I didn't let set for a few days. Proof that waiting to edit is a good thing. Thanks again for the fine help. Susan
Comment from Fluffyhead
Wonder why the jarflys were so obseesefd with him and he was so obsessed with them. Anyway got me wondering what happened afterwards. Or if they were demons and not jarfly's afterall.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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Wonder why the jarflys were so obseesefd with him and he was so obsessed with them. Anyway got me wondering what happened afterwards. Or if they were demons and not jarfly's afterall.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2012
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Good questions! :) I wanted this to be up to you, the wonderful reader! :) Thank you Fluffers. This review is great and I am delighted you liked this. Thank you so much. I heard some jarflies today just before we FINALLY got some rain! I would think their wings are sopped now! LOL! Hug, Susan
Comment from ScarletClearwater
This is quite a horror story. Great job using the jarflies as a catalyst. I loved this piece. Well penned and greatly told. Fine work.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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This is quite a horror story. Great job using the jarflies as a catalyst. I loved this piece. Well penned and greatly told. Fine work.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi Scarlet! Thank you very much. My son liked jarflies as a child, and I really did have to put one outside once in a while. But the rest is nonsense...lol! Thanks again. Glad you enjoyed this. Susan
Comment from Spiritual Echo
A deserving six. One of the finest in your portfolio.
I loved that you took it up in word count allowing your readers to meander through the words without fear of a quick closure.
Great story.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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A deserving six. One of the finest in your portfolio.
I loved that you took it up in word count allowing your readers to meander through the words without fear of a quick closure.
Great story.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi Ingrid! Thank you so much...I'm honored that you enjoyed this, and I hope you 'got' the ending? If not, someday I'll rework it. I get tired of reading something over and over. Hugs for the thoughts of a sixer. x. Susan
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It was perfectly clear.
Comment from write hand blue
A well written horror story with a good grip. I just had to wait and find out what was going to happen to the boy. Sucked dry like the food of a spider. I like it...Mel.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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A well written horror story with a good grip. I just had to wait and find out what was going to happen to the boy. Sucked dry like the food of a spider. I like it...Mel.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi there Mel. Thank you very much! I'm just happy that you enjoyed this. :) Susan
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Love turned sour. Very horrific. You clearly run your thought so smoothly that it sounded like true life story. I like the story line and the flow.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Love turned sour. Very horrific. You clearly run your thought so smoothly that it sounded like true life story. I like the story line and the flow.
ola thomas
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi Ola! Thank you! A real joy to see you liked this silly tale. :) Susan
Comment from Writingfundimension
What an inspired contest entry, Susan. I like that you got us feeling sympathetic towards your protagonist right off and gave us a sort of 'Ben' like scenario. The ending really packs a solid punch! Very well done, my friend. Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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What an inspired contest entry, Susan. I like that you got us feeling sympathetic towards your protagonist right off and gave us a sort of 'Ben' like scenario. The ending really packs a solid punch! Very well done, my friend. Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi Bev! Thank you so much. I didn't think of Ben, but yes. This is sort of like that? UGH. Just so you got a laugh, or ?? Thanks again Bev. :) Hug, Susan
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You're welcome, Susan. I actually found that movie really touching because the kid was so sad. Xxx Bev
Comment from adewpearl
Your first paragraph draws me right in - little Herbert and jarflies - sounds fascinating to me :-)
The trees this particular year, were - drop the comma
muddy-colored shells - add the hyphen
I can just see this kid smuggling the flies into his room against his mother's orders :-)
love the dialogue about taking care of the babies of the world LOL
typo - the parents dolled out cups of water - doled
LOVE the ending as little Herbert makes the ultimate sacrifice for his beloved flies - cool story, Susan :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Your first paragraph draws me right in - little Herbert and jarflies - sounds fascinating to me :-)
The trees this particular year, were - drop the comma
muddy-colored shells - add the hyphen
I can just see this kid smuggling the flies into his room against his mother's orders :-)
love the dialogue about taking care of the babies of the world LOL
typo - the parents dolled out cups of water - doled
LOVE the ending as little Herbert makes the ultimate sacrifice for his beloved flies - cool story, Susan :-) Brooke
Comment Written 19-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2012
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Hi Brooke! Thank you. I fixed the errors and as always, appreciate your sharp eyes. I did try to edit this to 'perfection'...lol! Just so you enjoyed it a little. Always an honor to hear from you ! hug, Susan
