Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Owaka Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
48 total reviews
Comment from God's Writer
A very good story my good friend. The love of your sisterhood had kept me alive. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you don't take this wrong. I respect marriage and would never do anything to cause problem with your husband. Thank you for this awesome poem.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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A very good story my good friend. The love of your sisterhood had kept me alive. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you don't take this wrong. I respect marriage and would never do anything to cause problem with your husband. Thank you for this awesome poem.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Erick, I so appreciate your generous and supportive review. I consider you a kind and sensitive man. Take care, my friend ... Bev
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I appreciate this very much. At least there a few people in my corner.
Shalom,
Erick
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I sure am, you can count on that, Erick. Blessings, Bev
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Thank you. I will shave so you don't get whisker burns. LOL
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:0)
Comment from Sloegin
A really well written chapter. Dynamite ending. I'd make a few changes, nothing to change your voice:
"the skateboarder on a collision course with his body" change BODY for HIM
"He pulled out his hankie" men carry handkerchiefs.
""What you got, shit for brains?!" move the comma,"What, you got shit for brains?"
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
sloegin
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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A really well written chapter. Dynamite ending. I'd make a few changes, nothing to change your voice:
"the skateboarder on a collision course with his body" change BODY for HIM
"He pulled out his hankie" men carry handkerchiefs.
""What you got, shit for brains?!" move the comma,"What, you got shit for brains?"
I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
sloegin
Comment Written 18-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Hi, Sloegin. Thank you for shaping up those sections for me. You really nailed it with that quote. I knew it was off somehow, and now I know how to fix it LOL. Thanks for the great review and support. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Eleanor Buron
At no moment did I lose interest in this chapter. The characters are fleshed out and perform well. The dialog moves the action along. Description is well done. This is skilled writing. I had no problem moving into the setting and watch the chapter unfold.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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At no moment did I lose interest in this chapter. The characters are fleshed out and perform well. The dialog moves the action along. Description is well done. This is skilled writing. I had no problem moving into the setting and watch the chapter unfold.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2012
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Thank you so very much for your insights and gracious review, Elly. Hope you know, your support is greatly appreciated! Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome. ;)
Comment from jadapenn
Hiya Bev, I've missed this good story of yours. It seems we've got a lot of action going on and this Eddie is certainly a bit of a puzzlement. I really felt sorry for Stanley. He was most upset about Debra. Well written, friend. Keep it going and I'll try to keep reading. luv jada
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Hiya Bev, I've missed this good story of yours. It seems we've got a lot of action going on and this Eddie is certainly a bit of a puzzlement. I really felt sorry for Stanley. He was most upset about Debra. Well written, friend. Keep it going and I'll try to keep reading. luv jada
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Hi, Jada. Thanks so much for taking time to read my chapter. You are so generous and kind, and I really appreciate your support very much. Hugs, Bev
Comment from psalmist
There is such a difference between reading for pleasure and reading with reviewing in mind. I have decided I am going to enjoy your book like any book I would choose from the library and wrap myself in the story. You make that easy to do. However, it is also frustrating, because I want to continue on, but have to wait for your next post, lol.
Great job with Stan's character. I immediately felt his pain and sense of loss. Also, Eddie gave me shivers as I felt his total lack of compassion and his revulsion for fellow human beings. Well done as always. Linda
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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There is such a difference between reading for pleasure and reading with reviewing in mind. I have decided I am going to enjoy your book like any book I would choose from the library and wrap myself in the story. You make that easy to do. However, it is also frustrating, because I want to continue on, but have to wait for your next post, lol.
Great job with Stan's character. I immediately felt his pain and sense of loss. Also, Eddie gave me shivers as I felt his total lack of compassion and his revulsion for fellow human beings. Well done as always. Linda
Comment Written 17-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2012
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Hi, Linda. Thank you for this wonderfully encouraging review. I appreciate the way you've stuck with the story. And I promise to get the chapters out closer together. No classes to get in my way now!
I'm glad you felt you got to know Stanley in this chapter. It was suggested elsewhere that I'd sort of wasted time on that part of the chapter. But, in writing a novel, there's not the instant fixes that, even I, admit to liking. So, you are kind to be so patient with me.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from juliaSjames
Although this is well-written, Bev, I'm not sure how Stanley and the gang fit into the storyline. Maybe I missed something in the earlier chapters.
But the cutaway to the mysterious Eddie is sensational. A demon masquerading as human. Fantastic ending to a rather puzzling chapter.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Although this is well-written, Bev, I'm not sure how Stanley and the gang fit into the storyline. Maybe I missed something in the earlier chapters.
But the cutaway to the mysterious Eddie is sensational. A demon masquerading as human. Fantastic ending to a rather puzzling chapter.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Hi, jj. Stanley is connected to Debra, as I mention midway, who was the first victim. That connection is crucial to succeeding chapters.
Thanks for reading and for your insightful comments.
Warm regards, Bev
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Yeah, I guessed as much, Bev. I still think you spent a little too much time on the get together. But I'm prepared to eat my words depending on what unfolds later. LOL
julia
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I appreciate your candor, jj.
Comment from Misrael
That was a rather unusual mystery and crime story but not as bad as I have read in the past. Although it could change I am sure and get worse but that is to be expected with that sort of story. Good read, good job and keep on writing.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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That was a rather unusual mystery and crime story but not as bad as I have read in the past. Although it could change I am sure and get worse but that is to be expected with that sort of story. Good read, good job and keep on writing.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thanks for reading and reviewing! Bev
Comment from Ed_Anderson
Interesting! The characterization is what stood out to me, you do such a great job with it in this piece! You also have me hooked and wanting to know more, so I can form my own theories about what happens next! Good job!
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Interesting! The characterization is what stood out to me, you do such a great job with it in this piece! You also have me hooked and wanting to know more, so I can form my own theories about what happens next! Good job!
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Hi, Ed. Thank you for stopping by to read my chapter. I am absolutely thrilled with your kind and generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from JW
Overall, this is a well written chapter. It does a good job of progressing your storyline, while holding their interest and leaving them with a hook that makes them wonder what's next.
Good job. JW
You may want to review the following:
he searched his pockets for a handerchief.(handkerchief)
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Overall, this is a well written chapter. It does a good job of progressing your storyline, while holding their interest and leaving them with a hook that makes them wonder what's next.
Good job. JW
You may want to review the following:
he searched his pockets for a handerchief.(handkerchief)
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thank you, Jonathon. I appreciate your generous and supportive review. Bev
Comment from adewpearl
red impala - Impala - a brand name
You convey the feeling of anxiety and panic of Stanley well in your opening paragraphs
Compelling use of dialogue that conveys strong emotions
What a grim and chilling final section from Greg's point of view. Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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red impala - Impala - a brand name
You convey the feeling of anxiety and panic of Stanley well in your opening paragraphs
Compelling use of dialogue that conveys strong emotions
What a grim and chilling final section from Greg's point of view. Brooke
Comment Written 16-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much, Brooke. I really appreciate your generous review. Bev
