Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

thisi s very well written, kiwi, you did a great job writing this poem about the man who stole another man's love was about to join her in death, unbeknownst to him.

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thank you - here is the original if you don't know it...
Steve

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Comment from Eliza M

Excellent

I am not familiar with the Frost poem you mention but will seach it out! In the meantime I have thoroughly enjoyed this very atmospheric creation of yours! It has a very sinister quality to it and you have written it very well with good rhythm and effective rhyme. The artwork choice is most evocative. Well done!

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thank you - here is the original.
Steve

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Comment from rjuselius

Excellent

i really enjoyed reading your piece of poetic art! losing someone in love cannot be viable for the other person.
thank you for sharing!

rebekka x

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thanks, Rebekka.
Steve

Comment from Meta~Mark

Excellent

This indeed could be a parallel to Mr. Frosts ..stopping by woods..beneath the frozen lake you now sleep..the darker side of verse!

excellently done!

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thanks, Mark.
Steve

Comment from oozer

Excellent

Things I do and where I go... Please do not forget those footmarks in the snow- shure how could one wipe out those- for God's sake!

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Ah, that's the point - it's still snowing so all evidence such as footprints will be obliterated.
Thanks for reviewing.
Steve

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

I love it! And Robert Frost is my favorite poet. I suspect he would enjoy this. Great story line: the snow hiding the tracks of a murderer and the body beneath a frozen lake.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thank you - glad you enjoyed.
Steve

Comment from donaldww

Excellent

I, for one, do like Frost's poem. One of his most famous. I may have heard it in grade school. What's not to like? LOL

You've done a superb job of following the structure, flipping around and using a minimal number of rhyme words. . .and making the new poem your own.

And both are now beneath the lake. (Sleeping with the fishes).

Kudos!
dW

And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thank you - I enjoyed subverting the classic.
Steve

Comment from mumsyone

Excellent

I'm not familiar with Robert Frost's poem, but I like the rhyme and flow of this. I'll have to take a look at his poem.

between (Between) the woods and frozen lake.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thanks, Mumsy. Here is the original...
Steve

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

reply by mumsyone on 21-Jul-2012

Thanks for sending this! I see the similarities and differences. Good job with your poem!

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

Hi, steve. I do like the Frost poem, but you've created quite a story with your take on the poem. Keeping to excellent rhyme and flow, you give us a tale of betrayal and murder. As I read it, brother is out for revenge because his brother has stolen his loved one. Apparently he's killed her and it lying in wait for his brother. Very dramatic and dark. More Robert DeNiro than Robert Frost. Great work. judiverse

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thank you - yes that's the tale I wanted readers to get, although one or two have misunderstood - and de Niro for the movie version is a great choice!
Steve

reply by judiverse on 21-Jul-2012

You're so welcome. judiverse

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

I know I love it. It is certainly one of my favorites.
I really like your selection of picture. The poem is very interesting and has great rhyme and meter and I don't mind your playing around with my favorite poem. Good job. Honeycomb

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2012

Thank you for the nice review.
Steve