White Lady Revised
a semi ballad about a very nefarious woman.134 total reviews
Comment from appuhere
very well written, the story is well narrated... I loved the ending very much. you have done a great work with every specifications. The detailing done is superb too.....
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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very well written, the story is well narrated... I loved the ending very much. you have done a great work with every specifications. The detailing done is superb too.....
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you appuhere.
Comment from Wes Guptill
This is my first time viewing your work, and I am only going to be brief here. My comments are meant to be helpful, not harmful. Your poem seems to me to be, at least in the first half little more than a 'draft skeleton' in which you toil until you get the full poem composed. It feels incomplete, stiff. The imagery was a bit flat for me. I got the gist of the story, and its harkening tribute to C.S. Lewis, but I think you short-changed your poem here. The language and the rhythm of the work skips and flattens in a couple of spots. I think, though, that you can bolster this by another review. My sixth poem ever written required five revisions.
Well, that was my uncharacteristically brief review. I wish you well with your work, sir.
Cheers!
Wes Guptill
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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This is my first time viewing your work, and I am only going to be brief here. My comments are meant to be helpful, not harmful. Your poem seems to me to be, at least in the first half little more than a 'draft skeleton' in which you toil until you get the full poem composed. It feels incomplete, stiff. The imagery was a bit flat for me. I got the gist of the story, and its harkening tribute to C.S. Lewis, but I think you short-changed your poem here. The language and the rhythm of the work skips and flattens in a couple of spots. I think, though, that you can bolster this by another review. My sixth poem ever written required five revisions.
Well, that was my uncharacteristically brief review. I wish you well with your work, sir.
Cheers!
Wes Guptill
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thanks Wes for the review and your honesty.
Comment from Jen Gentry
Everywhere I go these days Narnia is being talked about. LOL I do love C.S. Lewis. Your poem flows well with a natural and rhyming charm. Well Done free verse.
Jenny
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Everywhere I go these days Narnia is being talked about. LOL I do love C.S. Lewis. Your poem flows well with a natural and rhyming charm. Well Done free verse.
Jenny
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Jenny.
Comment from sunnilicious
Wowwie... what a poem. It reminds me of those mean women from fairy tales. Well thought out. Also, wickedly written. Nice work. Excellent.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Wowwie... what a poem. It reminds me of those mean women from fairy tales. Well thought out. Also, wickedly written. Nice work. Excellent.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you sunnilicious.
Comment from kleinifer
! what an inspiration ! =)
just a thought:
women are generally prejudiced as whimsical;
which is partly the reason why some men find some women
detestable in some ways... =D
the ironies in your poem are highly commendable =)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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! what an inspiration ! =)
just a thought:
women are generally prejudiced as whimsical;
which is partly the reason why some men find some women
detestable in some ways... =D
the ironies in your poem are highly commendable =)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Kleinfier.
Comment from rushingwater
Very interesting view you have written and filled with some great images. Too bad that when you compare to some peoples hearts even today you will find them traits. Chilling... Great job.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Very interesting view you have written and filled with some great images. Too bad that when you compare to some peoples hearts even today you will find them traits. Chilling... Great job.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Water.
Comment from burton.0115
This is a very descriptive poem and quite unusual.
Tha lady in question seems to have limitless characteristics. Perhaps we are all like that deep down!
Good picture too.
Mary
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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This is a very descriptive poem and quite unusual.
Tha lady in question seems to have limitless characteristics. Perhaps we are all like that deep down!
Good picture too.
Mary
Comment Written 13-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Burton.
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Please call Me Mary - my surname is Burton.
Comment from Pen of Fire
Excellent! A true, but frightening story told in poetry. The wages of sin is death. Interesting how you portrayed that which tempted and turned it against her. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Excellent! A true, but frightening story told in poetry. The wages of sin is death. Interesting how you portrayed that which tempted and turned it against her. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Pen.
Comment from Gideon Roth
Great poem, well written with excellent imagery. I know the White Witch that you mention in the C.S. Lewis book and movie and you did a fine job relating the two here. Keep up the great writing...Gideon
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Great poem, well written with excellent imagery. I know the White Witch that you mention in the C.S. Lewis book and movie and you did a fine job relating the two here. Keep up the great writing...Gideon
Comment Written 13-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Gideon.
Comment from Dippin Write
My overall impression Your sentiments are clear and suitable for this type of story. Very provocative images. Thank you very much for sharing this. God Bless You.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2012
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My overall impression Your sentiments are clear and suitable for this type of story. Very provocative images. Thank you very much for sharing this. God Bless You.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2012
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Thank you dippin.
