White Lady Revised
a semi ballad about a very nefarious woman.134 total reviews
Comment from twinklepoems
Very interesting! I am new here so would this be considered free form? To me this is like a story that has been put into poem format. I love the images you create and your picture goes with it perfectly! I particularly like "she's burning like a radiating rainbow" and "frozen as a frontier frost". I also like the whole section of her losing all her pigmentation! that is a great image.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Very interesting! I am new here so would this be considered free form? To me this is like a story that has been put into poem format. I love the images you create and your picture goes with it perfectly! I particularly like "she's burning like a radiating rainbow" and "frozen as a frontier frost". I also like the whole section of her losing all her pigmentation! that is a great image.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank You Twinkle. I think it is Free Form.
Comment from rachael87
This is a good poem but I would consider changing the title since it can be a bit controversial. Sometimes as an author it is good to be controversial you know stand up for issues and what not but in this situation especially if you plan on sharing the poem with others I don't think it's OK to refer to the woman as the white lady.
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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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This is a good poem but I would consider changing the title since it can be a bit controversial. Sometimes as an author it is good to be controversial you know stand up for issues and what not but in this situation especially if you plan on sharing the poem with others I don't think it's OK to refer to the woman as the white lady.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you Rachael.
Comment from grim789
Absolutely loved this piece. I really enjoyed the grim nature of the poem and how it seems you incorporated a bit of philosophy within it. Very nice thank you for posting this one.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Absolutely loved this piece. I really enjoyed the grim nature of the poem and how it seems you incorporated a bit of philosophy within it. Very nice thank you for posting this one.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you Grim.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Inky Cat
Chilling. I like the contradictions like: 'She puts the rose on her lover's grave
Even though he is still a living and breathing man.' A white lady with a black rose indeed! The ending cave scene where she dwells, stripped of her pigment, was also strong.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Chilling. I like the contradictions like: 'She puts the rose on her lover's grave
Even though he is still a living and breathing man.' A white lady with a black rose indeed! The ending cave scene where she dwells, stripped of her pigment, was also strong.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you Cat
Comment from ekpoet11
I think the images in this poem are superb, very colorful and dynamic. great use of symbolism, and actually, a bit romantic in style. the music in it is a little halting. I like the snips and fragments of language, but the flow needs a little improvement, to give it a sense of movement. ekpoet11
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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I think the images in this poem are superb, very colorful and dynamic. great use of symbolism, and actually, a bit romantic in style. the music in it is a little halting. I like the snips and fragments of language, but the flow needs a little improvement, to give it a sense of movement. ekpoet11
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2012
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Thank you EK.
Comment from WillWrite4Food
This piece is well written and very poetic. It flows from one line to the next. I love the use of contrasting colors, which really keeps putting vivid pictures into the readers' heads. Like C. S. Lewis's character, the woman in your poem is presented powerfully.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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This piece is well written and very poetic. It flows from one line to the next. I love the use of contrasting colors, which really keeps putting vivid pictures into the readers' heads. Like C. S. Lewis's character, the woman in your poem is presented powerfully.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you food.
Comment from Kelleigh
Very mysterious, this white lady...to be visable yet no man, woman or child can see her...to have had such beauty that menwere drawn to her, and then, with a few drops of satans poison she lost all pigmentation...a lot of metaphor being used it seemed, for how can she put a rose on the grave of a man still alive and well? She's an enigma in and of herself. Very well written, nice flow of words, good little piece of free verse in my humble opinion!
~Kelleigh
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Very mysterious, this white lady...to be visable yet no man, woman or child can see her...to have had such beauty that menwere drawn to her, and then, with a few drops of satans poison she lost all pigmentation...a lot of metaphor being used it seemed, for how can she put a rose on the grave of a man still alive and well? She's an enigma in and of herself. Very well written, nice flow of words, good little piece of free verse in my humble opinion!
~Kelleigh
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your review Kelleigh. That part was supposed to be the beginning of all of the paradoxes.
Comment from mushroom
well I like this a lot, I like the dark edge to this, it's the sort of work that I could read all day, great imageryand brilliant descriptive writing.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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well I like this a lot, I like the dark edge to this, it's the sort of work that I could read all day, great imageryand brilliant descriptive writing.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Mushroom.
Comment from Eliza M
A very interesting and thought provoking piece, which is very well written in places showing good use of literary devices. There is often a very fine line between good and evil and the battle can be fierce.
I have to be honest and say that it lost rhythm and meaning for me at times and I'm not sure why! Perhaps a little well placed punctuation might improve this. Hope you don't mind?!
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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A very interesting and thought provoking piece, which is very well written in places showing good use of literary devices. There is often a very fine line between good and evil and the battle can be fierce.
I have to be honest and say that it lost rhythm and meaning for me at times and I'm not sure why! Perhaps a little well placed punctuation might improve this. Hope you don't mind?!
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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No I don't mind at all Eliza. Thank you for your advice.
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'White Lady Revised' is an extremely well-written and thought-provoking piece. This work is in my opinion, open to several interpretations. It was a pleasure to both read and review a work of this standard.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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'White Lady Revised' is an extremely well-written and thought-provoking piece. This work is in my opinion, open to several interpretations. It was a pleasure to both read and review a work of this standard.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2012
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Thank you Duchess.
