Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Foiled"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
17 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
Above and beyond! Way above!
I know exactly how a salmon feels. Or a nice rack of lamb! He's like a vampire or some freakin' something."==haha great line!
most considered person ==considerate?
It was threatening in a very alluring kind of way. It's hard to describe, but he really scares me deep down."==a great description of that impossible to describe feeling...been there...
like, well, salivating or something, but it was all with his eyes.==oh yeah...there it is...awesome!
It was unseasonably warm for late April and the humidity made him sweat. The sidewalks were just crowded enough that he could easily hide if Terry or Ella should look behind them, but they didn't. He rounded the corner just in time to see them enter sur Panache, a familiar bistro. Darius sprinted across the street, cloaking himself in the shadows the buildings cast. He entered one of his favorite patisseries in the whole city, happily situated directly across from Panache. He took an empty table by the window, his eyes riveted on the door.====OH THE TENSION BUILDS...THE SUSPENSE IS PALPABLE! GREAT JOB!
The ending WAS PERFECT! Don't want to take time out to rate you because I want to turn the page! HeHe....love to give you a six again!
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Above and beyond! Way above!
I know exactly how a salmon feels. Or a nice rack of lamb! He's like a vampire or some freakin' something."==haha great line!
most considered person ==considerate?
It was threatening in a very alluring kind of way. It's hard to describe, but he really scares me deep down."==a great description of that impossible to describe feeling...been there...
like, well, salivating or something, but it was all with his eyes.==oh yeah...there it is...awesome!
It was unseasonably warm for late April and the humidity made him sweat. The sidewalks were just crowded enough that he could easily hide if Terry or Ella should look behind them, but they didn't. He rounded the corner just in time to see them enter sur Panache, a familiar bistro. Darius sprinted across the street, cloaking himself in the shadows the buildings cast. He entered one of his favorite patisseries in the whole city, happily situated directly across from Panache. He took an empty table by the window, his eyes riveted on the door.====OH THE TENSION BUILDS...THE SUSPENSE IS PALPABLE! GREAT JOB!
The ending WAS PERFECT! Don't want to take time out to rate you because I want to turn the page! HeHe....love to give you a six again!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2012
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Oh my, JJ, I really am grinning ear to ear. See, this is what I crave in a review. Of course, I want spag help, but I will get that from a second edit, of course, I want typos pronto, but you know what I mean. To hear someone so obviously enjoy my work is my dream.
Of course, I have to give you a thumb!
Big thanks and hugs,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Terry was the most considered person Ella had ever known
do you mean considerate?
I had to go back here. I missed this chapter. I will try to get to the other two later in the day. Hope you had a great Fourth of July
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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Terry was the most considered person Ella had ever known
do you mean considerate?
I had to go back here. I missed this chapter. I will try to get to the other two later in the day. Hope you had a great Fourth of July
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 05-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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Well, no, I meant considered, but I'm thinking of redoing the whole sentence. No, not considerate at all, but one who thinks about things before acting, one who considers consequences, stuff like that. Hmm. Had a great holiday, Heidi, hope you had the same. Cool for this time of year and a lovely night of about 80.
Thanks my friend and big hugs,
Gayle
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wehad a lot of fun. but more like 94 degrees
Comment from adewpearl
Arm in arm, they walked a bit farther up the block, and - I added a comma
Excellent explosion of emotions in your opening dialogue
Terry was the most considered person Ella had ever known - do you mean considerate?
In Terry's mind something was terribly wrong, they - I would use a period there
I like the way you intersperse descriptions of non-verbal communication among the spoken dialogue.
You get inside the inner thoughts of characters like Darius well. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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Arm in arm, they walked a bit farther up the block, and - I added a comma
Excellent explosion of emotions in your opening dialogue
Terry was the most considered person Ella had ever known - do you mean considerate?
In Terry's mind something was terribly wrong, they - I would use a period there
I like the way you intersperse descriptions of non-verbal communication among the spoken dialogue.
You get inside the inner thoughts of characters like Darius well. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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Oh, hey Brooke, so nice to see you.
Well, I'm going to have to change that word out. I meant considered, as in one who gives thought to things before she acts, considers the consequences. There have been enough people comment to show me that that is one 'cutie' that I have to get rid of.
Thanks so much for the input and the review!
Best,
Gayle
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Hey, Gayle:
Another great chapter. This Darius dude must have a
place at The Retreat, too! How swell. Now he and Amy
can play fetch together but I don't think he's going
to be real happy when she decides to whip his tail for
being ugly to her mama.
Thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Hey, Gayle:
Another great chapter. This Darius dude must have a
place at The Retreat, too! How swell. Now he and Amy
can play fetch together but I don't think he's going
to be real happy when she decides to whip his tail for
being ugly to her mama.
Thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2012
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Better even! Next chapter coming out soon. Great review, thanks so much for the super comments,
Love,
Gayle
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Gayle. This is a very intriguing chapter! I love the creepy elements you've included:
'This urgent need to get away from Darius shook Ella to her foundations. No crazy feminine reactions here, no girly stuff. In Terry's mind something was terribly wrong , they were in danger and that was enough for Ella.'
And being a fellow foodie, I love the food decriptions you sprinkle about. Great writing, believable reactions and dialogue, Gayle. I'll be looking forward to reading more.
Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012
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Hi, Gayle. This is a very intriguing chapter! I love the creepy elements you've included:
'This urgent need to get away from Darius shook Ella to her foundations. No crazy feminine reactions here, no girly stuff. In Terry's mind something was terribly wrong , they were in danger and that was enough for Ella.'
And being a fellow foodie, I love the food decriptions you sprinkle about. Great writing, believable reactions and dialogue, Gayle. I'll be looking forward to reading more.
Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 27-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012
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Oh Bev, a sixer. Thanks so much for the excellent review and rating. I'm so glad you're enjoying this. I'm sure having a ball writing it.
Big hugs and thanks,
Gayle
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Well-deserved for one of my favorite writers! Hugs, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
I love that Terry has that instinct like the dogs. Although maybe she's more like that cat that can sense when things aren't right. nice job.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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I love that Terry has that instinct like the dogs. Although maybe she's more like that cat that can sense when things aren't right. nice job.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Although they're very much alike, Terry is the quieter one, usually. In this book, it seems like she's taking more of a lead than Ella, but the day is young! I'm so glad you're enjoying this one. So appreciate the read and review!
ugs,
Gayle
Comment from Stalking Wolf
It is said that twins are more aware of each others feelings than other siblings, the writer is playing this to the max and with great effect. Story moving very well and smoothly. The vampire being so excited about where they are staying, sparks the readers interest, wish to read more. Enjoying.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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It is said that twins are more aware of each others feelings than other siblings, the writer is playing this to the max and with great effect. Story moving very well and smoothly. The vampire being so excited about where they are staying, sparks the readers interest, wish to read more. Enjoying.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Well, they only think he's a vampire. Actually, he's a wolf - a werewolf. You don't need to review it, but if you'd go to my portfolio and read Loup Garu. You'll see exactly what we're dealing with here!
Thank you so much for the encouragement and fine comments. You are most appreciated.
Hugs,
Gayle
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Read all of it, I knew he was, it's a good read, still not sure how Darius and the dog, would have really reacted, but for the story, it works well.
Comment from Rob Caudle
****** The stars I should have for this piece. I was totally engrossed!! You could have misspelled every words and I would have taken no notice, the story is so well told. I am only pissed because I cannot continue to read this very minute!! Gayle this is a truly a great read. I wish I could over some help to improve. I may try to come back to it and re-read. Right now I am to thrilled by the work to seek out any possible flaws, sorry I can't be a better editor but I am a gushing fan!!!!
Rob
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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****** The stars I should have for this piece. I was totally engrossed!! You could have misspelled every words and I would have taken no notice, the story is so well told. I am only pissed because I cannot continue to read this very minute!! Gayle this is a truly a great read. I wish I could over some help to improve. I may try to come back to it and re-read. Right now I am to thrilled by the work to seek out any possible flaws, sorry I can't be a better editor but I am a gushing fan!!!!
Rob
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Hey Rob, thank you so much for the great comments and review. I'm really enjoying this story and hearing words like yours reinforces that.
Thanks so much,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from rwilliam
Good chapter.
I, personally, felt the dialogue between the twins about what was wrong went on a bit, but it was well written.
Now that you mention it, bring it to mind, I know what you mean because I felt it, too, but he looked at you the same way."--This was a bit confusing. This part...bring it to mind.
Keep up the good work. :-)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Good chapter.
I, personally, felt the dialogue between the twins about what was wrong went on a bit, but it was well written.
Now that you mention it, bring it to mind, I know what you mean because I felt it, too, but he looked at you the same way."--This was a bit confusing. This part...bring it to mind.
Keep up the good work. :-)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Hey there, so good to see you again and thanks for the great comments and rating. I think what Ella's trying to say is, okay, I didn't notice it at first, but he looked at you like that, too. Because, of course, he did.
I'll give it a good polish as I go into the second edit.
Thanks so much,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from nor84
Terry was the most considered (considerate)person
In Terry's mind, something was terribly wrong, they were in danger and that was more than enough for Ella.>>>I think that's too great of a shift in Ella, who hasn't been told anything yet, and who thought Terry was overreacting because of "all those worst books."
I think there needs to be something before "Flirt?" because there have been all those interruptions, etc., since they were on the sidewalk. I don't think Terry would begin that way, in other words. She's tried to talk several times, then interrupted, and probably doesn't know what, if anything, Ella has heard.
El, it ... he, he gave me the frickin' creeps. You can't say you didn't feel it.">>>And Ella didn't say she didn't feel it. She previously said, "Now that you mention it, bring it to mind, I know what you mean because I felt it, too, but he looked at you the same way."
"I know; weird, huh?>>> Better as two sentences, no semicolon. Semicolons stand out, and in dialogue they have NO place according to published works on creative writing.
"It felt like wagging?>>>quote mark, followed by italics? Looks wrong.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Terry was the most considered (considerate)person
In Terry's mind, something was terribly wrong, they were in danger and that was more than enough for Ella.>>>I think that's too great of a shift in Ella, who hasn't been told anything yet, and who thought Terry was overreacting because of "all those worst books."
I think there needs to be something before "Flirt?" because there have been all those interruptions, etc., since they were on the sidewalk. I don't think Terry would begin that way, in other words. She's tried to talk several times, then interrupted, and probably doesn't know what, if anything, Ella has heard.
El, it ... he, he gave me the frickin' creeps. You can't say you didn't feel it.">>>And Ella didn't say she didn't feel it. She previously said, "Now that you mention it, bring it to mind, I know what you mean because I felt it, too, but he looked at you the same way."
"I know; weird, huh?>>> Better as two sentences, no semicolon. Semicolons stand out, and in dialogue they have NO place according to published works on creative writing.
"It felt like wagging?>>>quote mark, followed by italics? Looks wrong.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2012
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Hey Norma,
Well, no, in this instance, she was a 'considered' person, one who thought things out, weighed the options and didn't shoot from the hip.
That dialogue between Terry and Ella will all be one continuous chapter, so the break and the time in reading won't be there.
Let me go back in there and see if I've slipped a cog. I thought the dialogue flowed, but you know how that goes.
As for EE, no more advanced Editor. I'd rather explain to people than have to keep redoing. EE's toast!
Thanks,
Hugs,
Gayle
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I have to say I've never seen "considered" use as an adjective. It's the past tense of the verb "to consider," and that's why I stumbled. You mean she's a deep thinker, perhaps.
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Deep thinker, yes. One who does not shoot from the hip, but thinks things through without emotion. I wish I could remember where I first read it used like that but I thought it was clever. Maybe I should have gone into a bit more explanation as to what I meant. Hmm, let me check it out.
