Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 72 "part one, Chapter 22"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
62 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Wow, really. Did we really have to have Mr.-stuck-in-the-stone ages pop by for a visit. After all Anna has been through he's worried that she and Troy might have slept together. Do me a favor and send his stupid butt packing.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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Wow, really. Did we really have to have Mr.-stuck-in-the-stone ages pop by for a visit. After all Anna has been through he's worried that she and Troy might have slept together. Do me a favor and send his stupid butt packing.
Comment Written 05-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2012
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thank you
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
I'm sorry that I took so long to review this chapter. I've just ad a lot of tings keeping me busy and away from FanStory.
This is a great chapter as Anna's life continues in a transformation flux following Bobby's brutal attack. She is finding it hard to trust anything in the future, but Troy and his family are working hard to give her a feeling of safety and self-esteem.
Now Troy ihas brought her parents to town in an attept to reconsile their differences with their daughter,s life choices. It wont be easy as Anna's father seems intent on being true to a fundamentalist religious doctrine that seems to see the worst in indepentant women and perhaps fails to see errors in his own actions toward his daughter.
Some of my closest friends in high school had a a father like Abner White. Unfortunately his strict code of mores resulted in all five of his children becoming rebellious rather than submissive and all three of his daughtes ended up pregnant much as Anna did,
Love and Irish hugs for agreat story.
Roger
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Hi Barbara:)
I'm sorry that I took so long to review this chapter. I've just ad a lot of tings keeping me busy and away from FanStory.
This is a great chapter as Anna's life continues in a transformation flux following Bobby's brutal attack. She is finding it hard to trust anything in the future, but Troy and his family are working hard to give her a feeling of safety and self-esteem.
Now Troy ihas brought her parents to town in an attept to reconsile their differences with their daughter,s life choices. It wont be easy as Anna's father seems intent on being true to a fundamentalist religious doctrine that seems to see the worst in indepentant women and perhaps fails to see errors in his own actions toward his daughter.
Some of my closest friends in high school had a a father like Abner White. Unfortunately his strict code of mores resulted in all five of his children becoming rebellious rather than submissive and all three of his daughtes ended up pregnant much as Anna did,
Love and Irish hugs for agreat story.
Roger
Comment Written 09-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2012
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Thank you for your insight and I am sorry you had to read this when no points were attached.
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I don't review just for points. I was just bust with personal distractions. No problems, just outta time. Hugs
Roger
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
If it isn't one thing, it's another. Abner has a lot to learn, and since this book is almost finished, I think he'll be a quick study.
I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Barbara,
If it isn't one thing, it's another. Abner has a lot to learn, and since this book is almost finished, I think he'll be a quick study.
I enjoyed this read and found nothing to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 29-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind review. I was worried because I hadn't heard from you. I hope you are all right.
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Barbara,
We're doing fine. We spent 24 days on a long trip to Newfoundland, been back home for two days now. I kept up with Fanstory on public-access terminals in the hotels, but lots of places don't have them. We really enjoyed our trip.
Dave
Comment from Grammies
The story takes another twist with Anna's parents entering the picture. Ironic her father feels she alone is to blame for her circumstances and all would be forgiven for the sake of religion if she would repent and return to the church. Nothing is ever that simple. This is very good.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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The story takes another twist with Anna's parents entering the picture. Ironic her father feels she alone is to blame for her circumstances and all would be forgiven for the sake of religion if she would repent and return to the church. Nothing is ever that simple. This is very good.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mishelly
I can tell it's not going to be an easy road for Anna to get things back to normal. The dialogue used between the characters explains the situation very well, and is very realistic.
I was a little confused when Anna ran out of the room crying but the scene continued with her mother talking and handing over the baby, because I assume this part of the story is from Anna's point of view, so it should be told through her eyes.
However, that's just me nitpicking on an otherwise fantastic post. I'm still enjoying your story very much and can not wait to read more.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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I can tell it's not going to be an easy road for Anna to get things back to normal. The dialogue used between the characters explains the situation very well, and is very realistic.
I was a little confused when Anna ran out of the room crying but the scene continued with her mother talking and handing over the baby, because I assume this part of the story is from Anna's point of view, so it should be told through her eyes.
However, that's just me nitpicking on an otherwise fantastic post. I'm still enjoying your story very much and can not wait to read more.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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You're right about the baby. I hadn't thought of it. Thank you for catching it.
Comment from nora arjuna
Hi Barb. Great chapter. Good that Anna's parents finally come to her. I found no nits, just to mention a couple:
Troy [stood] when she entered. "Are you doing better?"
"Yes, thank you." She [stood] in front of her dad. "Daddy ..."
I noted you've used the description quite often. Try to vary, especially when they're close to each other. Maybe change the second part to - She walked to/approached her dad.
After she [watched] him do it a few more times, her eyes met his. "Why do you keep looking at Troy and me?"
Another often used description. When we're in Anna's POV, there's no need to tell us she watches the scenes. You can get right into it, such as:
When her father kept doing it, she caught his eyes. "Why do you keep looking at Troy and me?"
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Hi Barb. Great chapter. Good that Anna's parents finally come to her. I found no nits, just to mention a couple:
Troy [stood] when she entered. "Are you doing better?"
"Yes, thank you." She [stood] in front of her dad. "Daddy ..."
I noted you've used the description quite often. Try to vary, especially when they're close to each other. Maybe change the second part to - She walked to/approached her dad.
After she [watched] him do it a few more times, her eyes met his. "Why do you keep looking at Troy and me?"
Another often used description. When we're in Anna's POV, there's no need to tell us she watches the scenes. You can get right into it, such as:
When her father kept doing it, she caught his eyes. "Why do you keep looking at Troy and me?"
Comment Written 27-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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I needed time to make the corrections. Thank you for your assistance.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Some parents hold our youthful misdeeds against us for
the remainder of our lives. Others are forgiving with
unconditional love. Then there are those like Louise &
Abner: the mother willing to forgive because there is a
grandchild involved while the father is still holding
his grudge. It will be interesting to see how you resolve
it next week.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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barbara:
Some parents hold our youthful misdeeds against us for
the remainder of our lives. Others are forgiving with
unconditional love. Then there are those like Louise &
Abner: the mother willing to forgive because there is a
grandchild involved while the father is still holding
his grudge. It will be interesting to see how you resolve
it next week.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 27-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and insight.
Comment from Hanna Marie
I will like to read the whole story and I agree the abuse in the families and to others does need to stop. This is a good story and I wonder how I can find the beginning? Thank you for sharing and Be safe in your travels!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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I will like to read the whole story and I agree the abuse in the families and to others does need to stop. This is a good story and I wonder how I can find the beginning? Thank you for sharing and Be safe in your travels!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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You can find the entire story in my portfolio. Just kick on my name. Then find Lonely Hearts Meet and go to show chapters, it will begin with the first one. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Tonulak
Dear Barbara,
I liked this family scene with Anna's strict parents and her choices ahead. One spag; "the Texas' weather", should be the Texas weather". this was an excellent write.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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Dear Barbara,
I liked this family scene with Anna's strict parents and her choices ahead. One spag; "the Texas' weather", should be the Texas weather". this was an excellent write.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2012
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I have changed that back and forth probably 6 times. I think you are correct, I will change it again. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Axiom Gray
I'm not one for romance stories at all, but you are good writer. I can tell you love your characters by how you choose to represent them in their actions and speech. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012
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I'm not one for romance stories at all, but you are good writer. I can tell you love your characters by how you choose to represent them in their actions and speech. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
