Pretty Little Sheila
16 total reviews
Comment from Minglement
Wow, I loved this one! Great imagery and emotion. Perfect balance of dialogue and narrative and you created a great portrait of this evil child! Suspenseful and satisfying in it's mystery and revelations. Loved, loved, loved it! Great job. Is the contest over? Keep up the great work! Marcia
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2012
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Wow, I loved this one! Great imagery and emotion. Perfect balance of dialogue and narrative and you created a great portrait of this evil child! Suspenseful and satisfying in it's mystery and revelations. Loved, loved, loved it! Great job. Is the contest over? Keep up the great work! Marcia
Comment Written 04-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2012
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Hi Marcia! Thank you! I liked this one too...but it didn't do so well. But, that's the way it goes. Just so you enjoyed, and hey, an extra smile for the extra star Marcia! Thank you so very much. I'm trying...love! Suse
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You are most welcome, as always. I always enjoy your work :) Take care - Marcia
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Hi stranger! Hope you and Tabu are well. More back aches. I need to just slow down. I"m mad because the lawn is dead, EXCEPT for WEEDS. HOW do they continue to be GREEN, and grow, when all is is dead? Infuriating. Lol! Oh well. Good old Indiana! HUG! Susan
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Not too different here in Idaho. The weeds thrive! Constant battle - Grrrr. Hugs, Marcia :)
Comment from Sally Carter
I really enjoyed the tale, Susan. Unusual in that the ending kind of wasn't an ending, if you know what I mean. But all the more sinister for that, because I wondered what on earth this child was going to hatch up for ~Cheryl and Candace. Her disturbing interest in watching the grasshoppers and bugs being eaten by spiders. Even that was a clever touch, because there is something fascinating yet revolting in seeing that happen. I can sort of understand why she would get obsessed with it. Yikes, I am scaring myself now!!
You might have a second look at this sentence, which I found hard to understand on first reading:
"so she fed the arachnids, grasshoppers and small bugs". I thought you meant she fed all of them. Perhaps she fed the arachnids "with" grasshoppers etc. Or she fed grasshoppers to the arachnids?
A clever decision to make the dress the subject of the taunting. Children (and adults) are so vulnerable when they feel different. Quite convincing.
Another great story from your talented pen and mind.
Best wishes
Sally
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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I really enjoyed the tale, Susan. Unusual in that the ending kind of wasn't an ending, if you know what I mean. But all the more sinister for that, because I wondered what on earth this child was going to hatch up for ~Cheryl and Candace. Her disturbing interest in watching the grasshoppers and bugs being eaten by spiders. Even that was a clever touch, because there is something fascinating yet revolting in seeing that happen. I can sort of understand why she would get obsessed with it. Yikes, I am scaring myself now!!
You might have a second look at this sentence, which I found hard to understand on first reading:
"so she fed the arachnids, grasshoppers and small bugs". I thought you meant she fed all of them. Perhaps she fed the arachnids "with" grasshoppers etc. Or she fed grasshoppers to the arachnids?
A clever decision to make the dress the subject of the taunting. Children (and adults) are so vulnerable when they feel different. Quite convincing.
Another great story from your talented pen and mind.
Best wishes
Sally
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Hi Sally...I redid the ending. I will see about that sentence too. This is going into a book, so thank you. All the more important! I always love your reviews. Detailed and helpful. AND encouraging. How lucky I am. hugs Miss Sally. Susan
Comment from Donya Quijote
This was creepy and disturbing. This story seems to witness the early makings of a psychopath, a serial killer. It is said that it begins with the killing of small critters. The female versions are very rare and more deadly in case you want to explore that in a kind of continuing saga. They're even hard to catch because their motivations are very different from their male counterparts. I remember this from a psych course I had to take many, many years ago. I think could develop this into a larger work. This pic you chose compliments your story perfectly. The descriptions of the child's activities and her aloofness are great. I think that what kept me reading. I had to wonder would she do something terrible to those girls, what else would she hurt or kill or watch die. I love psychological thrillers, their more scary than the traditional horror thriller which has succumbed to a plot-less blood and gore fest. Enjoyed this. Do you have plans for more? And by the way, what happened to the other story? Where did it go?
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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This was creepy and disturbing. This story seems to witness the early makings of a psychopath, a serial killer. It is said that it begins with the killing of small critters. The female versions are very rare and more deadly in case you want to explore that in a kind of continuing saga. They're even hard to catch because their motivations are very different from their male counterparts. I remember this from a psych course I had to take many, many years ago. I think could develop this into a larger work. This pic you chose compliments your story perfectly. The descriptions of the child's activities and her aloofness are great. I think that what kept me reading. I had to wonder would she do something terrible to those girls, what else would she hurt or kill or watch die. I love psychological thrillers, their more scary than the traditional horror thriller which has succumbed to a plot-less blood and gore fest. Enjoyed this. Do you have plans for more? And by the way, what happened to the other story? Where did it go?
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Hi Donya! What a truly wonderful review! I will nominate you! This sort of detail is so helpful. I wish I could review better. Wow. Thank you so much...oh, the other story needs work. I was told by someone a long time ago, it's better not to post at all, than to post something that isn't the best it can be. Thank you for asking tho! I'm also working on putting a book together. Wish me luck Miss Donya. I hope something goes right for once!? lol. hugs, and a smile for you. Susan
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Here's all the luck you need. Luck, luck, luck, etc. Rama gave me lots of pointers after she gave me a really in depth review of one of poems. I keep trying to imitate that example. Still can improve though. The teacher in me keeps telling me not to be over critical. Kids are sensitive, especially the middle school variety. Apparently, so are many of the writers here at Fanstory. I try. You can do the same. You're a great short story write from I have. I'm sure you know things, even if spag issue are not your forte. You do know an awful lot about story development and what not. Go from there...
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I always wanted to teach art. OH I wish I had pursued that. But most schools don't have many art programs anymore. Even back in the seventies. Oh well. I admire you for taking that profession on Donya! Good for you! And thank you for all the lucky wishes. How sweet, and I appreciate it so. :) Susan
Comment from Fluffyhead
Oh yes do a part two. I always hated the annoying girls too that oestered you esp bad if you tried to ignore them. Glad she listened to her grandma
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Oh yes do a part two. I always hated the annoying girls too that oestered you esp bad if you tried to ignore them. Glad she listened to her grandma
Comment Written 23-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Yes, and I had this exact thing happen to me in school. Just a constant barrage of BS. The same girls, when grown, acted as if they had never done or said a thing wrong to me. I had to just say hi, and go on. My life was scarred by these things. Kids are easily hurt, and it sticks. Thank you again my dear Fluff. Susan
Comment from adewpearl
Excellent character development
so she fed the arachnids, grasshoppers - add the comma
Love the description of the insects that deserve to die LOL
You're mother told us where you are - Your mother
You convey the taunting of the girls most realistically
What a grim ending, with a promise of revenge - powerful response to this contest's prompt :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Excellent character development
so she fed the arachnids, grasshoppers - add the comma
Love the description of the insects that deserve to die LOL
You're mother told us where you are - Your mother
You convey the taunting of the girls most realistically
What a grim ending, with a promise of revenge - powerful response to this contest's prompt :-) Brooke
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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hi Brooke! Thanks! I fixed the errors...this was fun, someone reminded me of an old old movie called "The Bad Seed"? I saw that over twenty years ago. Wow. Anyway, thanks again. I hope you are happy and well Brooke! xoxo. Susan
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I absolutely love that movie. :-)
I had a great visit with my daughter and grandson - now I'm just missing them.
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OH! NICE! And I know that feeling. When I lived 170 miles from my brother, and he would come, the house would seem 'empty' somehow after he left. I'm glad you are okay. And I hope you'll see them again real soon Brooke! Is this your first grandbaby? I should know the answer to that. :) If so, congrats again. Seems he is your first.
And yes, that show was horrendous. I like the old black and white movies. Betty Davis was the best of the worst oddballs of all. Remember "Hush Hush, Sweet Charlotte"? So weird. Hey, keep in touch with your daughter and her little one with facebook? Or Skype? Skype is better! Let me know how they are!? AND thanks for the help Miss Brooke. Susan
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We talk a lot on the phone and she posts lots of photos and videos on facebook - all of that is good, but not nearly like being with them, and yes, he is my very first :-)
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More congrats! Oh for the good old days when my son was small. :) S.
Comment from mk
creepy little girl you have there...but really good story..those other two, better hope their dads get transferred!!! good revenge story, and i thoroughly enjoyed
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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creepy little girl you have there...but really good story..those other two, better hope their dads get transferred!!! good revenge story, and i thoroughly enjoyed
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2012
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Hi there...Thank you so much! Kind words make a day bright...and your review is wonderful. Thanks again! Cheers!! Susan
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes I enjoyed your story about Sheila you brought all the characters to life very well through out and I liked the way you ended the story good luck in the contest regards Jill
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Yes I enjoyed your story about Sheila you brought all the characters to life very well through out and I liked the way you ended the story good luck in the contest regards Jill
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2012
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Thank you much my friends. I'm at a loss for words from stress...constant fireworks, constant noise. I can't think straight. just know I love and appreciate you. Susan
Comment from Fleedleflump
I like the mental anguish take on the prompt. Description is involving, though not really 'flash'. Excellent presentation of the central personality. A bit too much telling at the start, but this works as an opening. No major issues, and I very much enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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I like the mental anguish take on the prompt. Description is involving, though not really 'flash'. Excellent presentation of the central personality. A bit too much telling at the start, but this works as an opening. No major issues, and I very much enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much! It's always such a joy to see you like my efforts! I really appreciate this kind note from you! xoxo< Susan
Comment from mommerry
You certainly brought the girl in the portrait to life with your story and the description of her mood and her thoughts. Good job. I found no SPAG issues.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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You certainly brought the girl in the portrait to life with your story and the description of her mood and her thoughts. Good job. I found no SPAG issues.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much! It's always such a joy to see you like my efforts! I really appreciate this kind note from you! xoxo< Susan
Comment from BethShelby
I would imagine the act starts with the thought. Children who are targets of kids who like to bully anyone not like themselves often cause these kind of people to hate so intently they go over the edge. I like the way the horror is still in her mind festering. The little girl misunderstand her Grandmother attempt to warn her not to act in anger and she plans revenge. Nice writing.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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I would imagine the act starts with the thought. Children who are targets of kids who like to bully anyone not like themselves often cause these kind of people to hate so intently they go over the edge. I like the way the horror is still in her mind festering. The little girl misunderstand her Grandmother attempt to warn her not to act in anger and she plans revenge. Nice writing.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2012
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Thank you so much! It's always such a joy to see you like my efforts! I really appreciate this kind note from you! xoxo< Susan
