Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "part one, Chapter 21"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from RazberryBullet
Scary that Anna can't remember what happened in her house, but I guess part of her doesn't want to remember that horrible day and the consequences that put her in a hospital.
Well done!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Scary that Anna can't remember what happened in her house, but I guess part of her doesn't want to remember that horrible day and the consequences that put her in a hospital.
Well done!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Anna doesn't want to remember. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter that shows Anna's reaction to the crime scene. Does she know that Bobby is dead? I enjoyed this read and have one wordsmithing suggestion.
"After Anna stood in the parking lot, the teenager who owned the two large {breed} dogs came up to her." I don't think you need the word "breed." Just a suggestion.
Dave
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter that shows Anna's reaction to the crime scene. Does she know that Bobby is dead? I enjoyed this read and have one wordsmithing suggestion.
"After Anna stood in the parking lot, the teenager who owned the two large {breed} dogs came up to her." I don't think you need the word "breed." Just a suggestion.
Dave
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Breed is no longer found in my post. LOL Thank you for reviewing and checking it out for me.
Comment from Sloegin
Good chapter, you showed Anna's courage. Your final scene had definite tension in it. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Some nits are:
1st Chapter:take out, "in your side"
3rd chapter: change "won't" to "wouldn't"
"taking control of the wheelchair" sounds so much better than "pushed the wheel chair" (They went into the hall)
"Anna blew out air." (sounds like she farted) How about, "Anna let out a deep breath."
"I wonder what they're discussing." Needs a (?)
"I wonder how the teenager helped us." Needs a (?)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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Good chapter, you showed Anna's courage. Your final scene had definite tension in it. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
Some nits are:
1st Chapter:take out, "in your side"
3rd chapter: change "won't" to "wouldn't"
"taking control of the wheelchair" sounds so much better than "pushed the wheel chair" (They went into the hall)
"Anna blew out air." (sounds like she farted) How about, "Anna let out a deep breath."
"I wonder what they're discussing." Needs a (?)
"I wonder how the teenager helped us." Needs a (?)
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your suggestions. I needed to wait until I had time to make the corrections.
Comment from tinams
Another fine chapter Barbara. I thought you did a great describing Anna's temporary memory loss. Done with very realistic dialog. Well written :) Tina
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Another fine chapter Barbara. I thought you did a great describing Anna's temporary memory loss. Done with very realistic dialog. Well written :) Tina
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from teacherdub
Traumatic injuries which cause repressed memories of the event are well woven here. The flow is fast-paced with just enough intensity to keep the reader completely engaged. Excellent cliffhanger to set up the next segment. Great job, Barbara. td
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Traumatic injuries which cause repressed memories of the event are well woven here. The flow is fast-paced with just enough intensity to keep the reader completely engaged. Excellent cliffhanger to set up the next segment. Great job, Barbara. td
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello again Barbara
The book is progressing nicely. This is a very well written chapter. Your reader can really feel Anna's emotions while reading it and imagine exactly what she must be feeling
Bear
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Hello again Barbara
The book is progressing nicely. This is a very well written chapter. Your reader can really feel Anna's emotions while reading it and imagine exactly what she must be feeling
Bear
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from RaymondJohn
A smoothly written chapter that continues the main story. The Troy and Paul meeting is interesting with some good tension. I'll look for the next chapter. Ray.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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A smoothly written chapter that continues the main story. The Troy and Paul meeting is interesting with some good tension. I'll look for the next chapter. Ray.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
The poor girl. It's all coming back. It's so true that our brains can conveniently remove unpleasant memories. Well written, Barbara. I get the feeling Anna is on the way back up now. The worst is over.
Tory is such a SWEETIE!
Enjoyed the read.
Hugs, Av
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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The poor girl. It's all coming back. It's so true that our brains can conveniently remove unpleasant memories. Well written, Barbara. I get the feeling Anna is on the way back up now. The worst is over.
Tory is such a SWEETIE!
Enjoyed the read.
Hugs, Av
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write and well displayed story I enjoyed reading it . The storyline and the charachters are interesting and held my attention. Thanks.Mary
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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A good write and well displayed story I enjoyed reading it . The storyline and the charachters are interesting and held my attention. Thanks.Mary
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Tgank you sor ethe kind review.
Comment from Taurean Monkey
Hi Barbara, I'm enjoying reading your novel. I just wanted to know what 'it' refers to here? "It won't take long at the apartment.
I liked the way you dealt with her memory loss
here:
"I can't believe I forgot my son's birthday." Tears welled in her eyes.
This is another well written extract... Regards TM
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Hi Barbara, I'm enjoying reading your novel. I just wanted to know what 'it' refers to here? "It won't take long at the apartment.
I liked the way you dealt with her memory loss
here:
"I can't believe I forgot my son's birthday." Tears welled in her eyes.
This is another well written extract... Regards TM
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome, regards TM
