Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "I See You"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
15 total reviews
Comment from jjstar
but added beautifuly carved ivory combs --like!
The French Quarter hummed in that special time of transition. Shop lights changed the look of the streets, and the second story residences, unnoticed in the daylight came to brilliance as twilight dimmed to black. French doors opened to catch the delicious evening breeze, the light curtains rising and falling in tempo. Music just loud enough to be heard without being intrusive floated above them---outstanding descriptions..
long, sleek
harder, and
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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but added beautifuly carved ivory combs --like!
The French Quarter hummed in that special time of transition. Shop lights changed the look of the streets, and the second story residences, unnoticed in the daylight came to brilliance as twilight dimmed to black. French doors opened to catch the delicious evening breeze, the light curtains rising and falling in tempo. Music just loud enough to be heard without being intrusive floated above them---outstanding descriptions..
long, sleek
harder, and
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
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Hi JJ,
Wow, I'm thrilled with your review and thank you so much for the great comments. I love narrative, lol. Glad you do, too.
Hugs,
Gayle
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I usually am not too keen on werewolf stories, but this first chapter got me. The contest piece moved just a little too quickly, so I was glad to go to the beginning to see how it all started.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Hi, Gayle:
I didn't realize I had fallen behind in reviewing your
work until I got the PM you had a new post today. I
knew immediately I had missed something somewhere.
This Darius must be someone really special for Amy to
even chance breaking the law, much less actually doing
it. She's in so much trouble. I bet Darius is absolutely
loving it.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Hi, Gayle:
I didn't realize I had fallen behind in reviewing your
work until I got the PM you had a new post today. I
knew immediately I had missed something somewhere.
This Darius must be someone really special for Amy to
even chance breaking the law, much less actually doing
it. She's in so much trouble. I bet Darius is absolutely
loving it.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 22-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2012
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Hey Jan, you read Loup Garu, didn't you? If not please do. It's the prologue, but I entered it in one of the contests and didn't join it up with the novel. Don't bother to review since the bucks are gone, but it'll help if you know about Darius rather than having to piece it together.
So glad you're reading along. Always so good to see you!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
Ma®tre de <-- i think you need an apostrophe between the e'd (no space) may wanna check it out
other than that, a good chapter. thanx for sharing! i'll be waiting to see what happens next! :)
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Ma®tre de <-- i think you need an apostrophe between the e'd (no space) may wanna check it out
other than that, a good chapter. thanx for sharing! i'll be waiting to see what happens next! :)
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Good old Ee strikes again. BE confident, it's correct in the ms.
Thanks for the comments and stars,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Stalking Wolf
Am glad to see this chapter. Been waiting. Story line is going right on time, like the dogs as well as the twins scrapping. Keeping it interesting. Enjoyed.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Am glad to see this chapter. Been waiting. Story line is going right on time, like the dogs as well as the twins scrapping. Keeping it interesting. Enjoyed.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Hi there and so nice to see you again. I'm glad you liked this one and that you like the interaction with the dogs.
Will be getting another chapter out soon. Thanks so much for the wonderful support.
Best,
Gayle
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Will be waiting.
Comment from fictionwriter
I'm not exactly sure why Amy did that. Does she suspect him? see him as a dog? What? Interesting, and can't wait to see where this goes. Great job. A couple of suggestions.
Jim shrugged into a light(-) beige(,) linen dinner jacket and adjusted his collar.
Tony gets such a kick out of crowds,(;) he'll have fun and
Yeah, let's take them(,) if they're welcome."
Amy served as Ella's guard dog and companion and(,) rarely(,) if ever(,) came up against people like Tony
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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I'm not exactly sure why Amy did that. Does she suspect him? see him as a dog? What? Interesting, and can't wait to see where this goes. Great job. A couple of suggestions.
Jim shrugged into a light(-) beige(,) linen dinner jacket and adjusted his collar.
Tony gets such a kick out of crowds,(;) he'll have fun and
Yeah, let's take them(,) if they're welcome."
Amy served as Ella's guard dog and companion and(,) rarely(,) if ever(,) came up against people like Tony
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Oh, I'm sayin' Amy has a crush on Darius and that's simply not allowed, lol. She's a guard dog so she has certain things she has to do.
Thank you for the great review and comments!
Big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from nor84
Fair warning, sis, I'm dictating this. That means you could get an extra word or word that doesn't make sense.
I question whether a man would say "are you having speaks?" I suppose he might say 'having words, i.e., quarreling. I've never heard a man say 'muchly' either, but I've dealt only with men from Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, and California.
Earrings is one word.
Something cool always happened; he whined under his >>>semicolon use doesn't work. Sentences have to be closely related, and these are not.
"Misshapen appendage" sends an ugly picture to the mind of the reader because those two words are in themselves ugly.
There was a chuckling sound in her throat as she tried to maintain.>>> I recommend just'She chuckled.'
Ernest blue eyes sought hers; she had to be kidding.>>> semicolon use. These sentences are not closely related.
If you cannot insert 'but' or 'and', then a semicolon would be incorrect. Example: I ordered the package last week; it arrived today. I could've said "I ordered the package last week, and it arrived today." Were talking about one thing - my package. That's what the punctuation articles mean by closely related short sentences.
He sat close enough that she caught his scent above all the competing odors and her tailed (tail) quivered.
Oh good, you're using the advanced editor!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Fair warning, sis, I'm dictating this. That means you could get an extra word or word that doesn't make sense.
I question whether a man would say "are you having speaks?" I suppose he might say 'having words, i.e., quarreling. I've never heard a man say 'muchly' either, but I've dealt only with men from Pennsylvania, Oklahoma, and California.
Earrings is one word.
Something cool always happened; he whined under his >>>semicolon use doesn't work. Sentences have to be closely related, and these are not.
"Misshapen appendage" sends an ugly picture to the mind of the reader because those two words are in themselves ugly.
There was a chuckling sound in her throat as she tried to maintain.>>> I recommend just'She chuckled.'
Ernest blue eyes sought hers; she had to be kidding.>>> semicolon use. These sentences are not closely related.
If you cannot insert 'but' or 'and', then a semicolon would be incorrect. Example: I ordered the package last week; it arrived today. I could've said "I ordered the package last week, and it arrived today." Were talking about one thing - my package. That's what the punctuation articles mean by closely related short sentences.
He sat close enough that she caught his scent above all the competing odors and her tailed (tail) quivered.
Oh good, you're using the advanced editor!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Hey Sis, okay, the 'speaks' comment comes from Peter Seller's Pink Panther series, something Jim and Ella mention throughout the series. There'll be another mention coming up that helps. Maybe!
I'm beginning to see so may things I'd fixed before I released the chapter and I'm beginning to thing I can't use the AE! Damn. Like, of course I fixed 'tailed' and I also caught earrings. Good grief! Guess I'll have to go back to the original editor and let it ride. I can't keep coming back and constantly reediting! Shit, what a shame!
Thanks for the fine review.
Gayle
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Could you have fixed and forgot to save when you were writing in Word? I never have a bit of trouble copy/pasting anything from Word2010. I might have to go in and separate paragraphs, but the rest of it is perfect.
Comment from bookishfabler
What a great chapter. I'm glad I caught it.
"Are you and Terry having speaks? What does this mean? having speaks?
The French Quarter hummed in that special time of transition. Shop lights changed the look of the streets, and the second story residences, unnoticed in the daylight came to brilliance as twilight dimmed to black. French doors opened to catch the delicious evening breeze, the light curtains rising and falling in tempo. Music just loud enough to be heard without being intrusive floated above them
(this paragrapgh is lovely.)
hugs Book
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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What a great chapter. I'm glad I caught it.
"Are you and Terry having speaks? What does this mean? having speaks?
The French Quarter hummed in that special time of transition. Shop lights changed the look of the streets, and the second story residences, unnoticed in the daylight came to brilliance as twilight dimmed to black. French doors opened to catch the delicious evening breeze, the light curtains rising and falling in tempo. Music just loud enough to be heard without being intrusive floated above them
(this paragrapgh is lovely.)
hugs Book
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Hey Heidi, so good to see you! Speaks. Okay, that comes from Peter Sellers in the Panther series. 'I must have speaks with the Captain.' Ah, you know me! Thanks for the wonderful comments and review.
Much love,
Gayle
Comment from Ted T
Hi Gayle :)
New and improved Reginald? I don't know what that means, but I'm glad you can now use the advanced editor. However, be alert, it too can create problems.
Great chapter get you a "Sixer" and a virtual "Twelver". The only problem I have is with the dogs. They've become "humanized" and a bit confusing at times. You're getting into their heads and I lose touch with the fact that they are animals. But then, you have a plan in mind.
Ted
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Hi Gayle :)
New and improved Reginald? I don't know what that means, but I'm glad you can now use the advanced editor. However, be alert, it too can create problems.
Great chapter get you a "Sixer" and a virtual "Twelver". The only problem I have is with the dogs. They've become "humanized" and a bit confusing at times. You're getting into their heads and I lose touch with the fact that they are animals. But then, you have a plan in mind.
Ted
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Hello Ted, oh my, a sixer - no, a virtual twelver! Oboy! Thanks so much for that. I've been off site for a bit, writing this story. I'm so glad you like it.
Okay, Amy. I'm verging, I know. I remember Koontz' Watcher - my fave of his books, and he had Einstein, remember? I'm trying for that but going no further.
Yes, Reginald is my spider muse and it seems he's overcome EE. Now, when I hit the advanced button, it takes the ms as written, complete with italics and symbols, where needed. Ain't it great? I've only been here eight years. Didn't take long, huh?
Dizzy blonde sends big hugs and thanks,
Gayle
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I've read almost everything Koontz wrote.
Even the advanced editor will turn on you by jamming two words together and failing to space between paragraphs. You have to go over everything two or three times before posting.
Comment from rwilliam
Jim shrugged into a light beige linen dinner jacket and adjusted his collar.--LOVE!
I truly enjoy the way you write a visual with your words! It's so fun to read and learn from you!
Adorable ending. Great chapter. Good job!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Jim shrugged into a light beige linen dinner jacket and adjusted his collar.--LOVE!
I truly enjoy the way you write a visual with your words! It's so fun to read and learn from you!
Adorable ending. Great chapter. Good job!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Okay, Rebecca, so glad you're here and I want your honest answer. I'm concerned I'm humanizing Amy too much. As the novel progresses she becomes more attached to Darius and then, of course, she has to make a choice. Now, if you continue to read along, I'm wondering if you'll let me know if I stray too far off the line in asking the reader to suspend disbelief.
Thank you so much for the great review and comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
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SURE! I'll try to keep this in mind when I read. Happy to help out and so nice to meet someone who isn't afraid to ask for honest feedback. I like that. I'm the same way. I just like it when the honest feedback is gentle. LOL :-)
Comment from Rob Caudle
Ok now I am thoroughly hooked. I loved the set up, the dog Amy sneaking over to Darius, all of it, every bit. I may have to come back and look for nits but right now all I want is more. Well done!! Did you say this was part of a series? If so, where does it start, and where can I get a copy. I hate e books by the way. I want to feel the book in my hand. Well done, Gayle. I now feel very humbled by your praise of my work. I was totally engrossed.
Rob
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Ok now I am thoroughly hooked. I loved the set up, the dog Amy sneaking over to Darius, all of it, every bit. I may have to come back and look for nits but right now all I want is more. Well done!! Did you say this was part of a series? If so, where does it start, and where can I get a copy. I hate e books by the way. I want to feel the book in my hand. Well done, Gayle. I now feel very humbled by your praise of my work. I was totally engrossed.
Rob
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Hey Rob, so glad you liked this one. It starts with Loup Garu. I don't know whether you read it or not but you'd have to check my portfolio. It was for the horror contest, which is why I didn't join up the chapters. The rest of it is available right here and when I finish I'll get it into a book. Then I'll send you one!
Thanks so much for the great review.
