An Eye for Vengeance
a boy stalks his father's murderer49 total reviews
Comment from Maustin
Excellent work. Great details throughout, very descriptive. Character development is string. The plot is engaging and conflict is defined clearly. Good use of dialogue. Love the conclusion. Recommended read. Do you plan to continue this story or go backwards to the beginning? Good subject matter. A virtual 8+++. Enjoyed your story.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
  |
Excellent work. Great details throughout, very descriptive. Character development is string. The plot is engaging and conflict is defined clearly. Good use of dialogue. Love the conclusion. Recommended read. Do you plan to continue this story or go backwards to the beginning? Good subject matter. A virtual 8+++. Enjoyed your story.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2012
-
Thank you so much, Miracle. I appreciate your great review and generous virtual stars! Hugs, Bev
-
So very welcome Bev. Great write ;). Enjoyed.
Hugs and blessings,
Miracle ~
-
Hugs back! :0) Bev
Comment from Debbiecrosslin
Wow Bev this is really good. Yes, it is a horror story that gives me chills and dread. Your story flows easily making the reader content to continue to the end. I love the picture too. I am happy that a Michiganer won an important note in FS. I do wish you could stay in my class with Teach, but I understand your dilemma. Bless you, Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
 |
Wow Bev this is really good. Yes, it is a horror story that gives me chills and dread. Your story flows easily making the reader content to continue to the end. I love the picture too. I am happy that a Michiganer won an important note in FS. I do wish you could stay in my class with Teach, but I understand your dilemma. Bless you, Debbie
Comment Written 15-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2012
-
Hi, Debbie. Thank you so very much for your very generous review, my fellow Michigander. There's a few of us on the site, including Mastery. Your words have put a big old smile on my face!
My situation has changed, and I will have access to the site for Monday's class. So, I plan to be there, though I am behind on my assignments. Alvin has very kindly offered to do a one-on-one with me tonight because the last chat was lost. That's the great thing about Alvin, he's willing to go the extra mile. So, I will be 'seeing' you on Monday night. YAY. Hugs, Bev
-
Yaya Bev. Alvin is great. I try to tell others how great he is. He has helped me so much. Hugs, Debbie
Comment from MAMONIA
This was an enthralling and utterly fantastic
tale of horror. You had my attention from the
very beginning to the very end.
What a fabulous descriptive and exciting
story this is.
No wonder you are in the winning team. You
are exceptionally talented.
Best of luck and Congratulations.
Marie
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
|
This was an enthralling and utterly fantastic
tale of horror. You had my attention from the
very beginning to the very end.
What a fabulous descriptive and exciting
story this is.
No wonder you are in the winning team. You
are exceptionally talented.
Best of luck and Congratulations.
Marie
Comment Written 11-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2012
-
Thank you, Marie. How kind of your to take time to read my story. I sure appreciate your generous review and words of support. Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Wow! this was a great read! The author has obviously done a great deal of historical research and it shows, while not being boring or overwhelming at all. A great read that held my attention all the way through. Congratulations of a well-rounded piece of storytelling.
keep going...
cheers
js
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
|
Wow! this was a great read! The author has obviously done a great deal of historical research and it shows, while not being boring or overwhelming at all. A great read that held my attention all the way through. Congratulations of a well-rounded piece of storytelling.
keep going...
cheers
js
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
-
Thank you, js. I really appreciate this very generous and encouraging review. Thank you for taking time to read! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Mountain Mom
Masterfully written! The story follows along in logical order, with great descriptions. Including a lot of terms with which a reader would not usually be familiar makes the story all the more compelling. I love that you gave definitions of terms in your "author notes." Thanks for a very enjoyable story.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
|
Masterfully written! The story follows along in logical order, with great descriptions. Including a lot of terms with which a reader would not usually be familiar makes the story all the more compelling. I love that you gave definitions of terms in your "author notes." Thanks for a very enjoyable story.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
-
Thank you so much, Mountain Man. Your review is extremely generous, and I really appreciate the words of support, too. Glad you stopped by ... Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from whispering fox
excellent tale of male witches and warriors!but,you could have brought out the nature or sex of the witches out a little more!are they all male?how much power does each witch have?your story was all in all quite captivating!what an adventure!
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
|
excellent tale of male witches and warriors!but,you could have brought out the nature or sex of the witches out a little more!are they all male?how much power does each witch have?your story was all in all quite captivating!what an adventure!
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
-
Thanks, whispering fox. You make a very good point. I'll go back in and add a reference to both sexes if I can find an appropriate spot to change. Appreciate the excellent and helpful review. Bev
Comment from Cornelius2000
I would like to have known early on the age of the "boy" Alsoomse, as I think of a "boy" as being too young to do what has been indicated that he did. At the end of the story he is characterized as the "young warrior," and by then we know is no boy, yet apparently no significant time has passed from the beginning of the story to the end.
On the positive side, the story flows nicely, uses the language well and keeps us in suspense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
 |
I would like to have known early on the age of the "boy" Alsoomse, as I think of a "boy" as being too young to do what has been indicated that he did. At the end of the story he is characterized as the "young warrior," and by then we know is no boy, yet apparently no significant time has passed from the beginning of the story to the end.
On the positive side, the story flows nicely, uses the language well and keeps us in suspense.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
-
Thank you.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
This tale is so well written I literally devoured each word.
I'm aware of all the dark symbolism attributed to the owl. Everything about the story grasps the attention of the reader and holds the attention until the end. Vivid description, action and excellent ending.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
|
This tale is so well written I literally devoured each word.
I'm aware of all the dark symbolism attributed to the owl. Everything about the story grasps the attention of the reader and holds the attention until the end. Vivid description, action and excellent ending.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
-
Hello, Eleanor. Thanks so much for this splendid review. I really appreciate, also, you letting me know what you liked about the piece. That's always so helpful. Warmest regards, Bev
-
Hi. You're welcome. I always enjoy your writing. E
Comment from ennahanid
I certainly wish I had a 6 to lay on this one...maybe a virtual would be acceptable. Not my normal type of read, I like soft and mushy kind of - horror scares the heck out of me and this one was no exception to that at all. Regardless this held my attention and as much as I didn't want to read it - I wanted to finish it and I love a happy ending and I feel that after all the blood and gore you gave me that.
This was fantastic story-telling and I thank you for entertaining (I think) me this morning - Dinah
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
|
I certainly wish I had a 6 to lay on this one...maybe a virtual would be acceptable. Not my normal type of read, I like soft and mushy kind of - horror scares the heck out of me and this one was no exception to that at all. Regardless this held my attention and as much as I didn't want to read it - I wanted to finish it and I love a happy ending and I feel that after all the blood and gore you gave me that.
This was fantastic story-telling and I thank you for entertaining (I think) me this morning - Dinah
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
-
Hi, Dinah. Thanks so much for this superb review. I've had some help with trimming from the original - it's always great when reviewers let me know what works. So, I really appreciate your insights. Thanks also for your generous rating - I'm more than happy to receive five stars and your wonderful words of support. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Oh, I've been dying to get to this, Bev. Been so busy! However, it was well worth the wait. What a tale. I LOVE these native legends, and you tell them so well. I really thing it's your genre - I don't mean horror necessarily - but certainly the native stories flow beautifully from your virtual pen. You're so knowledgeable about this stuff, and it shows in your writing.
Pretty gory, but heck it's horror! What a fantastic entry to the contest. This should make it to the podium at the very least.
I found a few things - just teenies that you might want to look at.
But otherwise, a great write, my friend.
Brava, lass.
Love ya!
Av
xx
But he'd made himself known to the witch, and now must see his decision through to its end. - I think there's a tense switch here, Bev. ...and had to see his decision through to the end.
Vomit and the smell of rancid, burning meat filled the inside of their dwelling - syntax. It sounds like vomit filled the inside of their dwelling. Maybe: The smell of vomit and rancid burning meat...
The young Indian could hear the man-bear's teeth snapping in anger, and smell rancid flesh caught up between them. - Something isn't quite right here. Should it be 'the smell of rancid flesh' perhaps?
Shooting straight up like an arrow destined for an eagle's heart, he disappeared. - Brilliant image.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
|
Oh, I've been dying to get to this, Bev. Been so busy! However, it was well worth the wait. What a tale. I LOVE these native legends, and you tell them so well. I really thing it's your genre - I don't mean horror necessarily - but certainly the native stories flow beautifully from your virtual pen. You're so knowledgeable about this stuff, and it shows in your writing.
Pretty gory, but heck it's horror! What a fantastic entry to the contest. This should make it to the podium at the very least.
I found a few things - just teenies that you might want to look at.
But otherwise, a great write, my friend.
Brava, lass.
Love ya!
Av
xx
But he'd made himself known to the witch, and now must see his decision through to its end. - I think there's a tense switch here, Bev. ...and had to see his decision through to the end.
Vomit and the smell of rancid, burning meat filled the inside of their dwelling - syntax. It sounds like vomit filled the inside of their dwelling. Maybe: The smell of vomit and rancid burning meat...
The young Indian could hear the man-bear's teeth snapping in anger, and smell rancid flesh caught up between them. - Something isn't quite right here. Should it be 'the smell of rancid flesh' perhaps?
Shooting straight up like an arrow destined for an eagle's heart, he disappeared. - Brilliant image.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
-
Hi, Av. Wow, thank you so much for your great help, here. I'm still working on some of the principles of good writing, and now I have another one to look out for: syntax (gotta to look that up). That's why I love reviews from such knowledgable people as yourself.
When I asked my horror class instructor to review, she suggested that I needed a bit more of the gruesome stuff - that's why I probably am not suited much to this genre.
So, thank you, thank you, for your exceptionally helpful and generous review. I hope we both make it into the finals, my lovely friend.
Love ya, Bev
