Fear on the Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Debonaire Man About Town"Two weeks in New Orleans for R&R
18 total reviews
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Gayle:
Somehow, I'm thinking the boys, Rudy and Jim, might have
something to say about Darius having Ella and Terry as
his playmates. While Amy was quite friendly in his store,
she might not continue to do so if she thought Darius had
other plans for her mistress.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 31-May-2012
  |
Gayle:
Somehow, I'm thinking the boys, Rudy and Jim, might have
something to say about Darius having Ella and Terry as
his playmates. While Amy was quite friendly in his store,
she might not continue to do so if she thought Darius had
other plans for her mistress.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 31-May-2012
-
Well, see, that's what I thought, lol. I've already made the end, I THINK, and it's going to require a lot from the dogs. I hope I can pull it off. Amy's going to develop quite a crush on Darius before it's all over.
Thanks Jan for the great comments and encouragement.
Comment from rwilliam
Love the title!!
Vanna blushed, the sudden infusion of pink to her cafe au lait tan brought out the bright blue of her eyes. Lips turned up at the corners like a cat, she smiled. "I'll be there."--Very nice!! :-)
Great chapter!!
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
|
Love the title!!
Vanna blushed, the sudden infusion of pink to her cafe au lait tan brought out the bright blue of her eyes. Lips turned up at the corners like a cat, she smiled. "I'll be there."--Very nice!! :-)
Great chapter!!
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
Smiles! It's Rita, right? I've got a mind like a sieve, so if I'm wrong, please forgive.
Actually, that was one of my fave sentences in this book thus far. I'm so glad you liked this one!
Hugs and thanks for the great review,
Gayle
-
HI GALYE, MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD IS NAMED GAIL, SO YOU ARE IN GOOD COMPANY. :-D
IT'S REBECCA , BUT THAT'S OK. WE'VE HAD LONG PERIODS OF TIME WHEN WE DON'T CHAT SO I UNDERSTAND. :-)
YES, THIS WAS GOOD WRITING. KEEP GOING.
-
Rebecca! Of course. Y'know, after so many years on this site and with friends fading in and out, it's hard! Lol, I'll try to keep it straight.
-
No problem! I know what you mean. :-D
Comment from nor84
Darius hated Mardi Gras, hated the drunken revelry and constant noise that oozed it's (its)way over
I suggest combining the two paragraphs that deal with his dislike of Mardi Gras. They're really on the same subject.
Certification of authentencity, maybe? I have some for jewelry bought on board ship. Probably no need to capitlize.
"My father's birthday is coming up next week(.) (H)e loves jade and cats are his favorite animal.
"I'll get the particulars for shipping(,) or are you taking it with you?
With that, she began to peruse >>>I'd drop 'with that'. We're in Darius's POV, and he's just seeing what she's doing.
Amy grinned like a cat once, and then like a Cheshire cat the next time.
Ella came in with the dog, but there's no mention of Terry coming in too -- unless I missed it.
He pointed to a table in the corner; it would be reserved in their name, he assured them, and voiced his pleasure at seeing them later for dinner.>>>semicolon should go. These are better as separate sentences because they not both short.
Maybe Raul is introduced in the previous chapter and I missed it, but he sort of popped up here.
The syndrome, whatever it was, lycanthropy; he had complete control.>>>probably not best to use a semicolon there. It's two sentences again:
The first one deals with what it is and ends at lycanthropy and the second addresses his thought he has control. I'd do this: He had complete control, for the most part anyway(;)the bad days didn't sneak up on him. >>>two sentences OR a semicolon because THESE sentences are closely related.
Good one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
 |
Darius hated Mardi Gras, hated the drunken revelry and constant noise that oozed it's (its)way over
I suggest combining the two paragraphs that deal with his dislike of Mardi Gras. They're really on the same subject.
Certification of authentencity, maybe? I have some for jewelry bought on board ship. Probably no need to capitlize.
"My father's birthday is coming up next week(.) (H)e loves jade and cats are his favorite animal.
"I'll get the particulars for shipping(,) or are you taking it with you?
With that, she began to peruse >>>I'd drop 'with that'. We're in Darius's POV, and he's just seeing what she's doing.
Amy grinned like a cat once, and then like a Cheshire cat the next time.
Ella came in with the dog, but there's no mention of Terry coming in too -- unless I missed it.
He pointed to a table in the corner; it would be reserved in their name, he assured them, and voiced his pleasure at seeing them later for dinner.>>>semicolon should go. These are better as separate sentences because they not both short.
Maybe Raul is introduced in the previous chapter and I missed it, but he sort of popped up here.
The syndrome, whatever it was, lycanthropy; he had complete control.>>>probably not best to use a semicolon there. It's two sentences again:
The first one deals with what it is and ends at lycanthropy and the second addresses his thought he has control. I'd do this: He had complete control, for the most part anyway(;)the bad days didn't sneak up on him. >>>two sentences OR a semicolon because THESE sentences are closely related.
Good one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
Hey Sis,
Really good edit ideas here and yes, Raul is one of the workers at the Retreat. Gosh, I thought I'd got that it's/its thingy last time. Gadzooks! I'm off to fix. So many good ideas, Sis.
Big hugs,
Gayle
-
See? I let you use a semicolon. I even put it in there! Of course I suggested you lose a couple of them too.
-
LOL! I think I already changed that one! See, I do listen to my big Sis! ;)
Comment from c_lucas
The latter two are slightly off limites. This was a very interesting read. I enjoyed the side streets more than I enjoyed the touristy Bourbon Street.
Okay, Ames. Heel." (Is Ames another name for Amy,)
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
|
The latter two are slightly off limites. This was a very interesting read. I enjoyed the side streets more than I enjoyed the touristy Bourbon Street.
Okay, Ames. Heel." (Is Ames another name for Amy,)
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
Yes, it seems everyone has nicknames. Ames; we discovered it to be quite useful in Lethal Intent, I don't know how many books ago, lol. Always so nice to see you, my friend.
-
You're welcome,Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Misrael
So far I haven't found it to be any horror but I suppose that is to come in the future. It seems to be very interesting and look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
|
So far I haven't found it to be any horror but I suppose that is to come in the future. It seems to be very interesting and look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
Hang in there, Misrael. Promise you'll like it. Thanks so much,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Mighty greedy Darius(love that name by the way) Loved the part with the dog. Great job. Another good chapter, believable characters with good dialogue.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
|
Mighty greedy Darius(love that name by the way) Loved the part with the dog. Great job. Another good chapter, believable characters with good dialogue.
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
I really like it, too. Just the right tone.
Isn't Amy a hoot. She's going to have fun with this one before things turn serious.
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
Comment from fictionwriter
Wow, now you add a werewolf into the mix. Well you know how I feel about them, my favorite monsters of all time. I can't wait for more. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
|
Wow, now you add a werewolf into the mix. Well you know how I feel about them, my favorite monsters of all time. I can't wait for more. Great job.
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
They're my faves, too. Vampires, I don't know. Just didm't get it. But werewolves, oh, fun.
Thanks so much for the great words,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from adewpearl
Saturdays were always the busiest, and Darius - add comma
Great description of the leopard jade
Placed as it was in a prime visual area, he'd figured - misplaced modifier
noise that oozed it's way - drop the apostrophe
I like your introduction of Darius and his shop
It's here on consignment from the sculptor, and so - add comma
extremely well-behaved dog- add hyphen
asked him about the trees and flowers, and what had happened - I would drop that comma
He'd never felt this way before, and - add comma
Oh, Darius is a werewolf? How fascinating :-) Well, that explains Amy's strangely friendly behavior.
She'd set the process in motion, and at first - add comma
Great way to end your chapter :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
|
Saturdays were always the busiest, and Darius - add comma
Great description of the leopard jade
Placed as it was in a prime visual area, he'd figured - misplaced modifier
noise that oozed it's way - drop the apostrophe
I like your introduction of Darius and his shop
It's here on consignment from the sculptor, and so - add comma
extremely well-behaved dog- add hyphen
asked him about the trees and flowers, and what had happened - I would drop that comma
He'd never felt this way before, and - add comma
Oh, Darius is a werewolf? How fascinating :-) Well, that explains Amy's strangely friendly behavior.
She'd set the process in motion, and at first - add comma
Great way to end your chapter :-) Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
-
Aha! So you like werewolves too? How cool. They're the only one of that ilk that I like. I guess it comes from early reading, lol. Is this the first you've met Amy? She's quite a character and I just snickered through the entire part where she's sniffing him and all.
Thank you so much for the wonderful comments and the support! It sure means a lot to me!
Hugs,
Gayle
